The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
having kind of a bad day today, don't know why exactly just life I guess.....Some days it seems that everything will be ok and then other days....I don't know....I am trying to stay in the moment...in today...it just gets hard sometimes...
Hub is off of work, broken leg....I need him to go back to work for a couple of reasons.....First and foremost he needs to get out of my space....not only are the kids home with all of there friends for the summer...he is here everyday.....all day......he also need to get back to work for financial reasons....it's starting to hit now...and I am pissed about that...if he wasn't in addiction we wouldn't be here....life would be dfferent....
I try to let all of that go, most days I do ok with it...today I am not doing that great with letting go....when money gets tight, that really makes me think about why....and the answer is because he was in active addiction.....and broke his leg, because of acctive attiction...the up side he found recovery.....
Also, I really and truely need my space back, seems like I can't get anything done with him up my butt 24 7......I have always been a person who likes her own little corner in the world.
Well thank you for letting me griip.....:) It has been one of those days.....Thanks for listening.....
Sometimes I just feel stuck....need to move forward....
I know your feelings lol, oh my, do I. I went to my sponsor who put me back on the right path when I just said how My A was around too much, in my face and I was tired of it. She said flat out that I needed to work my program harder. Ouch. It was the truth. I felt if he wasn't around so much I could have peace, well she was saying that I could have peace if he was around or not. hhhhmmmmm. So much easier to blame the A for how I felt. Sure he made it more difficult, but it was me that was having a hard time, I was the one internalizing all the little incidents and letting them build within me. I wasn't leaning on the first three steps, and that is where my sponosor sent me and where I began to find my peace again.
It is so much easier not to have to deal with them, sure life is smoothers without all the "isms". It is where we can get comfortable. When we get comfortable, we tend to let our program go a little. Then there is a change, in pattern, behavior or just a broken leg, lol, where all of a sudden our comfort in the situation evaporates. What to do? Step one, Powerlessness & unmanagable, Step two, Came to believe that a power greater than us could RETURN us to sanity, Step three, turn our will and our LIFE over to the care of God/HP.
I feel your stress, take some breaks for yourself and meditate on the first three steps. Often I think that "for this moment in time" this is the way God/Hp wants it, then I ask him for the strength to get thru it.
Oh dear friend, we must be living parallel lives! I love the fact that my hubby is sober. But once in a while when he acts like a "dry drunk" and it drives me crazy! He's a great guy. But trust me I live for the days when he's away most of the day and I am home. Then there are days when we barely see each other and that drives me crazy! Sigh, there is no pleasing me. I just shake my head.
I too like my space, and sometimes even having Pipers Kitty underfoot can get to me, especially when she plays the "in out game. I want to come in, but I don't really. I just want to see you jump through hoops!" Well sometimes hubby can be like that too. But I must remember what my dear mother once told me about men (I say this in no offense to anyone here): "Just remember when you can't figure why men are doing what they are doing, it's okay. Their Y chromosome is twisted for a reason!" She was a wise and wonderful woman. Heck she had to put up with me, and that makes her a saint.
I worry about the bills as well. This whole DSS, Medicare, Medicaid, . Yikes, it makes me want to drink. I just try and take a deep breath, and give it to HP or whomever wants to take it. Somebody take it please! Whomever said that life would get soooooooo much easier with a recovering A, I'd like to slap with a trout! I get a bit resentful of his disease when I think of all the waste of money he has gone through and we are struggling to keep up. But that's in the past. I can't change it. I just have to remind myself that we are moving foward, and I'm not scared to come home anymore. Alot has improved. I am so happy about that.
Love and blessings to you my friend. Remember you can always call. Be extra good to yourself. We all deserve it. If you can, give yourself a Piper Day. Do what you want when you want and to heck with everyone else. It's a good thing.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
My friend, I am sorry that you feel this way. It is so disheartening when things are like this. What I can offer is that everything is temporary and this feeling that you are feeling will pass. It is so difficult to be patient when we are in it. You have strong program so use it to your advantage. Since your hubs is home - why not take advantage of the time to maybe go and do something for yourself that you wouldnt be able to do with the kids. I find that usually gets me out of myself enough to deal with the situation for another day.
Karen
__________________
Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Love you all!
Karen
Well hello again Andrea been there done that . As I was complaining to my sponsor one day that he was always jsut there wanted to be with me all the time , shopping etc she started to laugh .
I did n ot appreciate that one damn bit but she reminded me that I was crying a few months ago that we never go anywhere to gether . That at xmas time I would stand in grocery store and watch couples shop together and cry cause Why couldnt I have that . sheeeesh some days i hated that woman I swear .
She said I better make up my damn mind what i wanted hehe and iremembered the line Careful what you pray for : you just might get it.
So I went back home grateful that he was sober and wanted to spend time with me , this phase really does go away after awhile and with a broken leg theres not much he can do really. I too like my space alone and can get very selfish about anyone being in it unless I ask them to be. hehe I am a tad spoiled .
I know u said money is tight right now but is there anyone u could go and visit for awhile with in a decent driving distance just to give yourself some space ? hubby and kids will do just fine a change of scenery will do u good . A friend you have wanted to visit for awhile and havent . jsut a thought .
Thank you all for the wonderful words of encouragment.....I so appreciate them....:)
Today is a better day, thanks to god and this wonderful program......Hub was out of the house last night for a few hours and today all morning and afternoon......woooohoooo It really helped....
I am finding it easier to just let it got and let god today.....I guess once in awhile we just have a bad day or two.....
So friends, it has passed, I am ok....and thank you.....
He's a great guy. But trust me I live for the days when he's away most of the day and I am home. Then there are days when we barely see each other and that drives me crazy! Sigh, there is no pleasing me. I just shake my head. 
She was a wise and wonderful woman. Heck she had to put up with me, and that makes her a saint.
