New to all of this - Al-Anon Family Group

Julianna · Member

New to all of this

twinmom2 · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Julianna)))

I go through some of the same feelings you have right now about your kids. Are you being neglectful? When they are with you are you showing them love? Are they being exposed to violence, beligerent behavior, arguing and fighting all the time etc? I ask myself these same questions when I doubt if I'm doing a good job as a mom. My A hasn't drank in over 40 days and he is still angry and at times verbally abusive and insensitive. My goal is to try and diffuse this for the kids. For me that means getting their attention focused on something else, taking them to the park, or letting them play at my brother's with the kids. I spend a great deal of time with them because the A is either not home or is not interested in spending time with them. Maybe assess what you are exposing them to and remember they also have a HP taking care of them. The healthier I become I see the calmer my kids are and the more fun we have together.

As far as over reacting if you call to see what state he is in... I think that's part of what the disease brings out in us. I knew if I spoke to him on the phone and he was drinking with his buddies he'd be on the porch and I'd have all the house work, kids, etc. Some days I knew he'd be preoccupied and I had time to do things I wanted to do. If he was in an angry mood I had to prepare myself for what was to come. Now when I can hear the anger and agitation in his voice I plan on something for me and the kids to get busy with. I keep busy and let him do whatever it is he needs to do to feel better. I do what I need to feel better; which is talk to a friend or my family. Some days its lonely. One day at a time... you are doing the best you can with what you have to work with. Keep coming back.

Hugs,

Twinmom~

Julianna · Member

Twinmom,

Thanks for the insight. I call to touch base most of the time, (we work opposite shifts-he works second and I work third.) However, when it's my weekend to have the kids I may be checking to make sure he's sober. I'll definately think about this.

Julianna

nycbt · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP. You are not alone. There a lot of people who understand.

World Service Organization Website –

WWW.al-anon.alateen.org

Alanon meetings 1-888-425-2666

Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html

Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.

Go face to face meeting & online meeting.
post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

· In this program u learn that u have choices. In Alanon we don’t give advice but only suggestions.

· Set support system. people do not judge. You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.

Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.