If I only had made to feel worthwhile as a child, I would have more self confidence, and a better image of myself as I got older. I grew up with an A father, yes he was there in body, but that was about it from what I can remember, but that was my life as a child , I thought everyone lived this way. I knew no better. I had no idea that when I became an adult the drinking problem my father had would come to haunt me in my adult years. I knew I was different growing up. I was always the "clown" making others laugh, still am to this day at times. I see now after attending alanon, I was seeking for attention, some recognition, self worth, seeking for approval , especially from the man I married, the next one in my life to be affected by alcoholism. My husband's drinking got out of control, and I reacted. Life was such a hassel, and the why me's came crashing down all around me. My self esteem plummetted, I became numb, barely being able to get through a day and not one happy thought was rarely within me. I lived in a life where worry , fear anxiety ruled my life. My fear of rejection grew, and the more I tried to appease and please my A, which in turn almost failed each time making my soul sinker deeper into depression. Nothing worked ,,,why was my life like this one disappointment after another? I blamed myself time and time again for anothers problems, and somehow thought that I was to blame because of something I said or did. I felt utterly hopeless and useless and a failure as a human being. I was nothing worthwhile. In deep desperation I started to go to an alanon meeting, and week after week I started to feel better, I wanted to live so bad, I wanted a "life", I wanted happiness . I saw people smiling and even laughing, even though they were living a life I was, and I knew I wanted what they knew and had. Life is what you make it, you can choose to like yourself and radiate to others that you are "ok". That you are not to blame for anothers drinking problem. You are only resonsible for yourself "period" My attitude determinds my amount of wholeness, and my problems now can be viewed as challenges, and painful things as opportunities to grow. It gives mea focus on life as a whole and I can learn to take myself lightly, and grow in the program one day at a time.    Take this time to tell yourself that you are "ok", and you are only human, and you are here to enjoy life, as in the greater scheme of things, we only get a crack at this one time, so make it the best you can and live "life", no matter what is going on around you. Be good to yourselves!