The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I gotta say I learned it was ok to be happy even if I had no idea how I was going to pay the house payment.
I used to worry my life away. NO more. In the US we are in disneyland. Especially here in Oregon. Alanon amazes me. The truths in it are real.
Aism wraps us up and clouds our hearts. We need to learn to not allow this. Keep doing what you love, paint, work with clay, crafts, go to the park, raise a puppy, read joke books. Don't allow it to make you think that all there is, is this pain and hole.
Heck with the A, if you live with one, do what YOU want no matter what he or she says. You cannot ever please an active A anyway. They don't even mean what they say anyhow.
I mean think about it. One minute they are kind and funny next they are cussing and calling your loved home a dump. NO wonder it can get to us.
so I shut it out. A talk is not important to me at all. Would rather listen to Estersue my pig griping and cussing at me.
I am serious. I still buy myself flowers, cut ones too, Walmart has clearance cut ones that are fine!
Get myself new underwear, I love that. If I want to rescue something I do. I don't care one bit what the A thinks. I really don't.
He used to do rescue too and was the best at calming them. He understood what abuse was, and being down. But next thing ya knew he would be griping about the animals.
I would mop and keep the house very very tidy. still pretty much do. He would let the dogs in without wiping their feet. rrrrrrr
So to heck with the disease.
Anyway I gotta get ready for my meeting. love ,debilyn
I, too, bought myself flowers weekly when my husband was in jail for 5 months...from Walmart, LOL. It did a lot to help my state of mind at that point. I could get a bunch of flowers for about 3 bucks, and they'd last about a week or so (if the cats didn't get to them first!).
I decided to start taking care of myself, and made appointments to have some long-put-off dental work done. I had spent my time taking care of him, worrying about his needs, that I always thought we couldn't spend the money on things I needed. I also did the new undies thingy. Amazing what taking care of ourselves does for us. It was nice to feel that feeling for once!
Another thing I did immediately after he was sent to jail was buy a nice cushiony chaise lounge chair (Walmart, again) for outside, and I'd go out on my deck (which, at that time, backed up to a woods) and read all my self-help books (LOL), or just sit out there and shut my eyes for a little while. It was MY time for MYSELF, which I usually never got a lot of.
I had my cats to surround me outside (all the strays always found their way to our house on the cul-de-sac), which helped me to stay calm while I read. I also had my two cats inside who slept with me at night and kept me calm then.
It was a hard time for me while he was away at the "local B&B" (as he puts it), but it did get easier as the time went by. The Serenity Prayer worked wonders too, putting me to sleep on those many, many sleepless nights.
One thing that I recall that the arresting officer had said to me was this...when he pulled my husband over for dui, my husband stuffed his mouth full of cheese nips. I guess he thought he could hide the smell of beer with them, who knows... The officer said he told my husband he could chew them up and swallow, or spit them out. My husband proceeded to chew them and swallow. The way the officer said it, it took quite a while for him to get them chewed as he had a mouthful, LOLOL! Of course, he couldn't reach for his beer to wash them down, since the cop was standing right there next to him! This still makes me laugh picturing that scene!
I am so happy it is working for you debilyn but right now it isn't working for me anymore. I am just way too exhausted and can't cope very well. Now that my daughter had an emotional type breakdown and relapse an is in a recovery type state paid house with others, she is speaking directly to me about my putting up with her dad's verbal abuse. It is sure hard to get it out in the open with everyone but him. I was in bed all day yesterday just thinking and being very sad that I have put up with this for almost 28 years now. Now with my ill parents, I haven't wanted to make any changes for awhile. But, I am wondering how healthy this is for me to keep being belittled and my dad being belittled now to me! I wish I could find a site for abused women to chat and post since I feel like I have batter women syndrome. I don't see that alanon can help all of that but it has helped it when I have considered it the "dry drunk" or acoc in him.
I am trying not to blame myself but the face is I have been putting up with him treating me mean for a long time and to hear it out of the mouth of my daughter in front of others sure hit me hard.
I am glad you are able to go on and take care of you. I am trying the best I can, but like I said, I am just plane old exhausted. cdb
I to used to worry about alot before I found alanon. Now I figure I should let HP do the worrying for me. He so much better at handling it than I am.
My hubby complains about the kids, we can't have any animals besaides out bunny dut to apartment living, LOL I don't listen to his complaints though, I figure he helped make them so he shouldn't complain.
I just got myself some flowers to, they sure do help perk up the room.
Yours In Recovery,
Dolphin123
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
