The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Deatchment in the alanon program doesnt mean to cut off all ties and to not care for the person. As a new person in alanon is very hard to understand what exactly it means. It is the hardest thing for someone in the program to do in my opinion and i still cant although i can from certain things now and i am glad for that. Detachement is to love the person hate the disease, it means not following someone to the bottom, it means not allowing anyone to make you feel a certain way because of thier actions, to detach means to listen and not become emotionally involved in thier feelings. Being able to stay focused on yourself. There is a story they use to describe this. It is a man was drunk and fell on the floor and his wife had just joined the program, and they had talked about detaching, and after she had read up on it with the literature provided and from other members she thought she knew what it meant to detach so the next time she saw her husband drunk he passed out on the floor and normally before the program she would help him to bed and take care of him wearing herself out, left with pain and resentment. That day she saw her husband passed out on the floor and left him there went to her meeting and shared, i have detached, they explained to her yes she did detach however detaching in the alanon program would be detaching with love, and they went on to say that covering him with a blanket and leaving him on the floor would have been detaching with love. Its being able to be there for someone and not allow yourself to get mixed up in the chaos they create. Taking care of yourself and being able to keep your own power.
kerry
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Life can only be understood backwards, But it must be lived forwards
Detachment is a hard concept to get. Iliked the story of the detachment with love...putting the blanket on the passed out husband, then going to a meeting... cute. But it does drive home the point that you can act lovingly (being yourself) and doing the next right thing and not getting caught up in the crap, the chaos, the drama, the emotional stuff...
When I first started the program, someone described detachments to me as the 3 G's:
Get off his back
Get out of God's way
Get on with your life
We have to live our own lives and sometimes that means not being the nag to get into recovery, not taking care of the alcoholic and his related problems, and doing what I need to do to take care of myself. I have to keep the focus on me and what I need to do. No one will get sober/clean until he chooses to do so, no matter how much I jump on his back. And, God has a plan... I have to remember, and my interfering with things may actually throw a wrench in the works. I have to do what I need to do to be happy. This program helps me do that.
