The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yep still here and doing OK, well OK for the most part. After having not seen my A drink in 10 or so years, this every day wake up with the shakes thing is quite painful to watch to say the least, not to mention the comments, and manipulation that i can see for what they are now. more confusing is the flip flop between I love you's and the biting comments that say he doesn't, I know it is the way of the disease. but my brain is as logical thinking as they come and it is hard to let go of that need to make sense of it all.
I have gotten most of my things moved to storage, held a garage sale for 3 days, done some of the needed repairs and meet with the real estate person on Monday. Praying to HP to makeit quick and easy.
I had large fears this weekend, his family's reunion is today. I was usually invited for a few hours and then somehow disposedof so he could get loaded in "secret" without me there. Last few years were different I was just not invited. Still have some resentment there I guess. My prayers were answered about the drunk driving this weekend, his car would not start yesterday so HURRAY and Thank You HP! I'm angry too, his Dad picked him up to go to this thing, they will use together, knowing what he does about himself and his sons ... why and how can he do this? I could understand accepting it but I know for fact his usage is encouraged ... the answer they are all sick ... still makes no sense to me. If my brother was allergic to strawberries i would not encourage him to eat them. I don't know the whole thing is just kind of disgusting to me right now, I'm working on detaching as best i can.
I wish I could say i have been taking great care of myself, I haven't been. I'm so busy getting as much done as I can that I have no time or energy to be nice to me. In the long run doing all this is being nice to me but I am getting run down, and depressed. Motivation is hard to come by. If I could go to bed for a week I would and maybe not even come out then.
I still love him and I hate him too. It is hard to be nice sometimes and I have said/done some things I am not proud of. That definitely did not help the situation at all.
When i moved the fridge today i found a measuring thing that did not belong in my kitchen, and a chunk of what appeared to be crack. I could be wrong, but how do you explain the measuring thing, looked perfect for that. I won't ask and don't care just hate the thought that if I leave my house before it is sold what will be going on here. I feel trapped and it is my own choice ... or maybe need at the moment. I just want out, so I can relax and he can crash on his own while I float away.
Sorry so long i must have needed to vent LOL Wishing everyone well!!!
I know it is hard to watch your loved one wreck his life. It sure doesn't make any sense to me why people enable others even though they know what they are doing is not right...or do they? They are sick too, and because of the disease, they cannot stop it. That's so sad, isn't it?
You are doing what you have to do, in spite of it all. So try to take a few minutes out of your busy day to just breathe. Listen to the birds or play some soft music for those few minutes. Heck, just enjoy the quiet!
I could never understand why family members don't want more for their loved ones' health and future either. All a part of the disease I guess. Mine is going out of town with his partying part of the family tomorrow so I'm feeling alot of what you said at the moment.
I am so sorry for what you are having to deal with.I can hear the pain but also exhaustion.
Remember HALT.You must take care of yourself.Get some rest so that you don't get too run down or maybe get sick.You need to be strong and rest is gonna help you be strong.I know when I am tired I don't even think right.
I sooooooo hate this disease.I want to run from it and everyone who has it.
It's funny they are making whole states non smoking.But you can still get in a car drunk and kill someone or destroy someone's life from the inside out.It's perfectly legal to use and abuse that drug which affects so many more lives.How I would love it if my husband only smoked cigarettes and didn't have alcoholism.Something is wrong with this picture.
Praying for you to be strong and take care of yourself.Glad you shared.
Was hoping you were ok! So glad (((happy--happy))) you posted. I havnt seen you (here) in a bit. I'm sending you a (((BiGHUG)))) and to tell you HP/God is always here.. within you... all around you...no matter what.
Feeling what your feeling right now... I'd insist upon myself to get to the chat room and be around some uplifting people. Someone to help me lighten up and feel alive, call an Alanon friend... and go to a meeting. I tend to pull out my Alanon books... find a place to sit a bit and get busy. Especially, if I cant get to some face to face meetings I insist myself to come here. Reading es&h is always a help to me. Its' great. When, heck all the time..., I'm needing some support around me-- THIS is the place to come to. THAT is what we Alanoners do. We give lots of ((hugS)) and unconditional love that I know will help restore you to a higher level of sanity. And at the same time get you grounded....ready to face the day.
IT will be a good day, a better day when I attend the am meetings if I cant get to the ones here at the house I will make a special trip to drive to get to one! This is just me. Take what you like and leave the rest.
(((((((I love ya Jennifer)))))))))))) Hope to see you in chat!
(here) in a bit. I'm sending you a (((BiG
HUG)))) and to tell you HP/God is always here.. within you... all around you...no matter what. 
Especially, if I cant get to some face to face meetings I insist myself to come here. Reading es&h is always a help to me. Its' great. When, heck all the time..., I'm needing some support around me-- THIS is the place to come to. THAT is what we Alanoners do. 
We give lots of ((hugS)) and unconditional love that I know will help restore you to a higher level 
of sanity. And at the same time get you grounded....ready to face the day. 
Hope to see you in chat!
WORK IT 
WORK IT 
WORK IT 