The material presented
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level.
Well my bags are packed and I am ready to catch my flight in the wee small hours of sunday back to the UK. My new Grandbaby(my first) is due to arrive around 15th July,and I can hardly wait. A new little life.......Thank you God for bringing this joy to my life.
The run up to my leaving here has been fraught with difficulties,not least what to do about my adorable puppy Ruby.That little girl has fought some death defying incidents in her short little life and she and I have got very close. I had pre-arranged for a lovely family to take care of her while I was away and just 8 days before I was due to leave,something happened in their family which meant they were unable to take her. I sought out the local kennels since I couldn't find anyone else willing to take a boisterous pup for two months. The kennels were awful and I came away feeling really upset at the prospect of my poor little pup being there.Her first experience with a kennel was catching parvo virus and it nearly killed her!! Next day,I got a phone call from A( the first contact in over a month) asking me what I was doing about Ruby. I explained the situation and he immediately told me that he had a new job back(4th job in 4 months) in Istanbul and was getting a flat with his neice(aged 22,lovely girl with a dog of her own,a real doggy nut) He said I could drive Ruby up and leave her with his neice.
His neice rang me to assure me she would adore to have Ruby and would take good care of her. It seemed to me at the time,it was the best option....Rubes would be miserable in the horrible kennels. I explained I wasn't willing to drive 16hrs there and 16 hrs back,and it would be cheaper and more effificient for me to pay A's flight up to Istanbul,and for Ruby to travel up by plane(only 1 hour flight). A agreed but said he needed to leave tonight and there was a flight 6 hrs from now. and within an hour I was driving up to meet him and take him to the airport(4hrs drive away). He would arrange the flight etc.(providing that I pay for him and Ruby.)
Needless to say,after a 4 hr drive through the mountains on an awful road I arrived at where( I assumed) A was staying,and YEP!!!! you got it........he was falling down drunk! Amazingly,I was calm. Until he suddenly grabbed the car keys out of my hand and proceeded to reverse the car out of the parking space,demanding I get in as we had little time to spare. Like an idiot I got in...Well,he dragged me in is more in line.My precious pup was on the back seat wagging her tail,wondering who this lunatic was,and very excitable. he drove like a maniac,all serenity I had was lost as I was yelling at him to stop the car immediately and let me drive. He refused and said he was fine. After two near misses I finally yelled at him that if he didn't stop the car,I was going to throw myself out of the car. He stopped and I took over. I thought we were going to the airport,but A was going to collect his luggage and excitedly told me the flight was TOMORROW night and we had a day to be together. SHEESH!!!The manipulating never ends,does it?
We couldn't find a place to stay that would accept a dog and spent almost 3 hours hunting around.(A,of course had a pit stop to replenish the beer! during which time he told me it was MY fault he hadn't organised somewhere to stay and I should have let him know 2 or 3 days ago I was coming!!!!!! Arghhhhhh!
Ended up sneaking Ruby into a small apartotel for the night.A passed out and I sat on the bed wondering how on earth I landed in this place again.I lay back and calmly prayed to HP. "Dear God,I've done it again! God grant me the serenity ...........guide me through the next 24hrs,I hand it all over and let go because I KNOW I can't deal with this anymore"
A tossed and turned all night,snoring loudly........I spent the night thinking.....watching him.....feeling a whole gamut of strange sensations...Loving him,hating him,feeling compassion,feeling pain and anger,..and desperately trying to focus on what I have been learning in Alanon.I decided I had already accepted I was powerless over this disease,We were separated(probably forever) I was doing the best thing I could at the time,and that my HP would watch over me and guide me.
Next day A woke up and I didn't mention the drunkeness.(Miracle!!!) He did...and apologised saying he had been so excited to be seeing me again and he couldn't help it. I suggested we go get some breakfast and make the most of the day we had together before his flight.
We had a lovely day,took Ruby to the beach,swam and talked and talked. Nice talk,not with anger or hurt. Then we went back to the apartotel to collect our things and..........well,in my defence I love this guy,and I am only human
We went for dinner,had a lovely meal and then set off for the airport. Insanity time again! A was in panic mode,yelling and screaming..."how do I check in? what if Ruby barks? what if I get the wrong plane? you HAVE to come in with me and get me on the plane.....I CAN'T DO THIS ON MY OWN!!!" I pointed out gently that he had been on a plane before and his response was" Yes,but YOU did everything...I just followed and did everything you told me". I replied that "maybe that was were I had gone wrong Darling......I did too much. Now it's time for you to learn for yourself." His answer? "Yes my love,you are right 100%...BUT Today you have to do it for me......" (sigh)
I did it all,one last time and do you know....once I got him to the boarding gate and told him where to sit,he said it was ok for me to go now.Not one word about me having to now drive 4hrs back through the mountains on my own at 1a.m. Oh those expectations.....when will I ever learn? I walked back to the car,and heaved a sigh of relief. Said a quick prayer to HP asking him to keep me safe and thanking him for the one nice day I had,and letting it ALL go. And I drove home happy and safe.
Next day A phoned(not to see if I got home safe.....) to complain that he had to spend 26 of the 100 I had given him for a taxi when he landed,so he sould get Ruby home safely.And could I send some more....and could I also send him the bed from the spare room as he would have no bed in the new house. And I would have to pay for it as he didn't have any money!I told him I could send the bed happily,but I wasn't paying the cargo as I can't afford it either. He turned nasty and told me I was being selfish and he didn't want the bed anyway. Fine by me!
Then next day he emailed me to tell me I was a liar and a cheat! He said I needed to be very careful of what I did and where I went,because someone had gossipped to him that I was seeing someone else and he actually named a gentleman I only met twice when I was out with friends. He accused me of having an affair with him. I refuted it vehemently and asked where he got this ridiculous information from? He refused to ellaborate and I was so upset and angry that I couldn't even have dinner with some friends without having my every move reported back to A for him to attack me. My best friend asked me if A knew my password for my email account. He did!! My friend confessed that she had given this gentleman my email address as he was also going away for 2 months and he had told her that he was very interested to get to know me and would like to keep in touch. She suggested that the only way my A could have known about this gentlemans interest would be by breaking into my email account. ARGGGHHH!!! I rushed to the internet cafe and the horrible truth dawned. WHy on earth hadn't I noticed that my mail had been read by someone else before I got to it???I swiftly changed my password......and that same night A sent an email attacking me for being cheap and untrustworthy,saying he had every right to keep a check on my mail and that he now KNEW I had something to hide,or why else would I change my password to stop him reading my mail?
I had nothing to hide,and it amazes me to think that after 4 months separated he still thinks he has the right to control me.(If I choose to let him) I don't choose that anymore,but it's a real wake up call to realise just how quickly and easily I can get sucked back into all this insanity.Then I remember....stop expecting a healthy relationship with an unhealthy person. Oh how I hate those slogans sometimes.....but by God,THEY ARE SO TRUE!!!!Dang it.I'll get the hang of this programme ONE day.......LOL.
I'm sorry this post is too long. I just don't know when I will be able to post again. I read as many posts as I can in my limited time at the internet cafe and you are ALL in my heart and prayers.
P.S......for the record....this gentleman has since asked me for dinner back in the UK.....and dang it....I accepted.He knows about A(my friend has a big mouth!!LOL) and he told me that he too has a problem with alcohol......NO!NO!.....not pro alcohol....he grew up in his parents pub for 25 years and hates the stuff!!!LOL.
Wow, your share brought back some old memories of dealing with a drunk and the crazy things they do and the horrible things they say. It was almost like I was living those years again with the exact same words (UGH).
Anyway, I will pray for you. You have a right to your own privacy with everything, reading others "real" mail is against the law. Seems to me that email should be the same (ha ha). Change everypassword, lock, bank account etc. Remember we are protecting ourselves against the disease not the person.
Bless lil Ruby and I truly hope you have a wonderful vacation. You so deserve it. I love newborns and the wonder they bring. Try to stay in the day, stay in the moment and enjoy your grandbaby.
yours in recovery, Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
WOW..thanks for the post. I related so much to the travel experience with an active A. I am glad it is behind you. I have 4 dogs that I loe dearly. When I go out of town I hire a sitter to stay at my house with them for $25 a day and $100 minimum. I fill the kitchen with snacks and food for the sitter and usually get a neice, nephew or neighbor to do it. The teens love it. They get to watch cable and tons of DVD movies, eat lots of GOOD STUFF and only have to be sure the dogs are fed and watered. They go out the doggie door for potty.
Perhaps next time you could look ahead and find a similar "sitter".
You are in my prayers. Sorry he is being so paranoid and such a jerk. That goes with the terriroty. And SO GLAD you changed your email password. I bet that burned him GOOD to find you had changed it.
Does the cycle ever end? Oh sweet friend, the next time Ruby needs a house sitter send her to me! Pipers Kitty would have great fun with her, and hubby would be delighted.
I'm sorry you had to go through all of this. (Heavy sigh), such is the life of an addict. Trust me I am delighted that hubby is sober, but sometimes his friends drive me crazy! He's clueless about women and does nothing to attract them. He's just being sweet loving hubby. However I had a woman call me up from AA and tell me that she intends to have him! Why can't people leave us alone? I didn't tell him about this because why bother? I did have to tactfully mention he might need to be a little more aloof!
I'm sorry your friend has a big mouth. Sometimes people have no idea what kind of damage they can do by "innocently" talking about another person. I am glad you had at least some fun. It's okay to still love him. Remember when you told him to leave you still loved him. But you set a boundary and stuck to it. If mine was still active I would still love him, but he would not be here.
Have a wonderful trip. Enjoy your new grandbaby. I can't wait for the news to see if it's a boy or a girl! I'm hoping for a matched set for you! Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Hi Chris gee what a nightmare all because of your devotion to your dog. I am an animal lover and you should get a medal for putting yourself through all that to make sure your dog was okay. Put it all behind you now and look forward to the new baby and I am sure Ruby will be well looked after. Keep in touch. Luv Leo xxx
Thanks for the post. I just had to comment about the expectations, and the slogan about expecting a healthy relationship fron an unhealthy person.
I had to go to my mom's one night about a week ago because her power went out and she was afraid ( she's 91). It was dark and storming and it's an hour drive each way.My AH said " you want me to go with you?" GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!! OF course you ninny! I'm scared to death of driving late at night by myself and especially in a storm! He KNOWS that! But I got so angry that he had to ask, I drove off in a huff and went by myself.He called me on my cell phone to tell me he had gotten my broken key out of the front door.I said "ya know, I am trying to SEE here,could we chat LATER?" Geez!
I had to laugh when you said he called the next day,but not to see if you made it home ok.I have lived with this for so long I just thought it was HIM, that he was just a thoughtless,self centered jerk.It HAS to be a disease,no one could really be THAT out of touch with the planet and what is going on around them.I guess it's progress that I can laugh about it.It's not really funny though.
I felt like I was reading a novel reading your post because I was engrossed to find out what happened to Ruby.As Leo said, you really went through alot because of your love for her.I'm glad it had a happy ending.
Chris: I always think it is a good idea to have a plan b. I have had to leave the A to take care of my cats before now. I don't know that it boded well.
I think it is very hard to say goodbye, there are many pitstops along the way.
I also think I long sometimes to get involved with someone else in order to tranfer my affection/bond with the a to someone else. What holds me back is that I know I do not make good choices. In fact I don't even know I make any choices at all. My abandonment issues run me.
) He did...and apologised saying he had been so excited to be seeing me again and he couldn't help it. I suggested we go get some breakfast and make the most of the day we had together before his flight. 
I'll get the hang of this programme ONE day.......LOL.
Love and blessings to you and your family.