The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was sharing with a new comer on Monday night about how I see my "A"as two different people, and how this helps me to let go of resentments and how I am able to love him.
Well my "A" called me early Tuesday morning, really early. We talked for 10 minutes, calling cards are expensive and don't last long. He made arrangements to call on Friday because this is our oldest daughter's 7th birhtday. And he knows how much she misses him.
After we hung up I couldn't stop thinking about him. He has now over 30 days clean and sober. That is how he gets clean, lol he has to go up to the tippy top of Alaska and be in a boat in the middle of nowhere. And the reason this was getting to me was that he is now my "hubby" and not the "addict". He is right now the man I want to be with and I can't be with him.
Right now he is the guy who just calls up to hear my voice. THe guy who just calls up to say I love you, the guy who doesn't hate himself, but can see the good in him.
I think there is a lesson in there somewhere, lol but right now I don't want to see it. I do get to talk to him right now, and that is all I have so I will be grateful. It is just so hard. The addict is normally in control and now he isn't.
--Sigh
Yours in Recovery,
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
I jsut wanted to add, that I am grateful that he is clean and sober. I know that is something to truly be grateful about, just wishing I was able to be around him clean and sober.
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
I can only imagine what its like to be away from your loved one. I think that is HP working to tell you how much you do love him and he loves you. Maybe just maybe he will see what life is like clean and sober and want to stay that way.
Just letting you know I feel your pain and you are not alone. I believe that HP is working on your husband to be a better, more whole person, so that when you do see him again, you will be a much better, stronger love partnership. You are growing at this time also.
I, too, am in desperate love with my husband, and I so want him to be the wonderful person that I feel in love with again. He is struggling and I don't know if he will ever make it to the sober life. It is the hardest situation to be in, when you know deep down in there is a great person. Be grateful that your husband is trying, and willing to try to get better.
My prayers are with you at this difficult time, God is holding your husband and taking care of him....
What comes to mind is this too shall pass. There is a reason as only our HP knows. My AH just left this morning after a few days stay. He chose to move out and give in to his addictions (not substances). I have to practice releasing him to his HP and the path he has chosen. If you release the one you love and they come back, then they are yours. I am working hard at letting my AH go. I love him so.
How true it is.. two diffrent people. It drives me nuts. I love my husband dearly. But I can't stand the "A". So hard when they have the same face. Getting my 8 year old daughter to see the diffrence has been my goal for the last few years and she gets it but it's really hard when even I still have trouble with it.
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"And so for you, I came this far 10 miles above the limit and with no seat belt and I'd do it again" ... - Darr Williams -
