The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
They were basically about helping, providing services in al-anon. Imposing my beliefs on someone hinders their growth process, so if I really want to help, I should serve for al-anon. Collate literature, make coffee, whatever. Easy entry to comprehend.
Hope for Today was on Tradition 7—being fully self-supporting. That includes me sharing in meetings, making calls to others when I need help. Oh yeah, and donating a little cash to help keep things running smoothly. …of course, also, being a service worker at some point.
Response:
I need to remember to not push my beliefs on others. When I first started this online support stuff with al-anon, I told a friend how cool it was in hopes that she would ask me more about it. Finding al-anon felt similar to how I felt when I found Jesus—just not so intense. But it made me happy and I wanted to share, just like I wanted to share Jesus. J
Now that I’ve noticed, I will make certain I am not pushing anything of mine on to someone else. If I haven’t had a chance to really, really push onto someone else, at least I will remember this principle so I don’t do it in the future.
Ok, ok, ok. Time for open-journal.
So, I went to the BBQ yesterday with my Sweetie . It was nice, I met some people he goes to meetings with. One guy I met has been sober 6 months. He shared a little bit of his story and then asked me a bunch of questions about my relationship with my Sweetie. That felt a little uncomfortable to tell you the truth. He asked: “Are you in the program?” “Do you drink?” “How long have you two been together?” And most uncomfortably, “You stayed with him through all that crap?”
Sigh. I totally took that last question personal. Now that I have had time to talk to my Sweetie, step-dad (who also is in recovery) and think about it—I’m better. But it really bothered me though.
Okay this is how I think. If I am going to stay with an alcoholic, the general public just doesn’t understand my love and hope for my Sweetie. I look like the a** don’t I? When a person approaches me with “You stayed with him through all that crap?”—I felt judged. Sigh. Maybe it was me who was judging myself. The man’s words just grated against me wrong. I haven’t felt like our relationship has been crap. As a matter of fact, there has been a lot of hope and growing. But, I get it—crap is just a word, there has been SOME crap, and he just wanted to “talk turkey.” My Sweetie said he didn’t think anything of it. I remembered Q-TIP. Quit Taking It Personal. And yet, here I am journaling about it. LOL… Maybe I can let it go after this.
Another thought I had was “Well, God, it was he with whom we spoke with at the BBQ—it could have been someone else.” It was God’s plan for us to talk with him.
Okay, so I have to admit that I took another comment personally. This one might be harder for me to write out. Sigh. Here goes.
This guy at the BBQ (I’ll call him Mr. S.), my Sweetie, and I (I was the listener) were talking about sobriety. They were remembering points of disgust and pain. …stuff like that. When the conversation was coming to end, I put my hand on my Sweetie’s arm and smiled really big and said “But not anymore.” They were words to express my hope for the future and the support in my heart. Maybe it came out wrong because Mr. S. looked at me and said about my Sweetie, “He gets it, he gets it—I see him on Mondays. He gets it.”
Of course I talked to my Sweetie about that. I told him that I was only expressing hope by my comment. I also told him that I felt like Mr. S. was putting me in my place by making that comment. Doh! That is such codependent thinking! (I think.) Of course someone else has a relationship with my Sweetie. I am not the only who can help him! As a matter of fact, I can’t HELP HIM. *Screaming* I can only help myself! Sigh. Whew. I had to get that out.
I think I just came to know the truth of the matter. I must have been feeling territorial of my Sweetie’s sobriety. I am not responsible for his sobriety, OR DRUNKENESS. Whoa! Thank God for my ability to journal. Good, my Sweetie can talk to Mr. S. all he needs to. And Mr. S. can respond to my Sweetie. And I can Q-TIP. I have my own life to focus on.
Okay, it’s 8 am. I see a client at 10. I honestly don’t feel like working today. I feel like reading—all day. Haha. Anyways, I will remember to not push my beliefs on anyone, and Q-TIP. I have no plans for tonight. I should eat healthy tonight. My next thought is “I should clean the kitchen.” I hate cleaning the kitchen. I don’t have a dishwasher or… ahh, I’m rambling. Okay, I’m done.
I enjoy reading your posts. You sound a lot like me, in a weird sort of way, LOL!
For example, yesterday my husband (a 2-year, 2-months sober A, but who's counting... ) and I were out walking and as we were climbing a hill in a neighborhood he sees this guy from AA. He stops to chat as I continued to walk (he was going to meet me on my return up the hill). This guy has been in recovery a while now, and told us that his wife was letting him move back home. The guy commented that he was impressed with our walking, and I said, "it's to combat the "triple threat" ~ middle-age, menopause and thyroid disease." He responded, "Be sure to get all that stuff out before going home". Ha, ha, sure wish I could, but NOT, LOLOL!
I kind of took it personally, going back to my old stinking way of thinking..."I'm not good enough the way I am", "Men want women who are PERFECT, not NORMAL", etc, etc, etc. "But show me a woman who is perfect and can put in 6-8 miles a day, several days a week...hehe, I'm one up on THEM." The thinking went on and on and on...
Funny how someone can say one innocent thing, and we are so insecure as to turn it completely around, huh...
I had a little different perspective on what Mr S said to you.When I read it I actually thought he was giving you a compliment that you stayed with your 'sweetie' through all that.He was maybe impressed because alot, and I mean ALOT, of people these days do not stick it out when things get tough in a relationship, they dump and run.
Maybe I'm naive but that's the way I took it.Of course I couldn't see his face or hear his tone of voice.Maybe he sounded judgemental.
They say what others think of us is none of our business.We can't change it anyway.
Jesus. J 
…Wizkid signing off. 
) and I were out walking and as we were climbing a hill in a neighborhood he sees this guy from AA. He stops to chat as I continued to walk (he was going to meet me on my return up the hill). This guy has been in recovery a while now, and told us that his wife was letting him move back home. The guy commented that he was impressed with our walking, and I said, "it's to combat the "triple threat" ~ middle-age, menopause and thyroid disease." He responded, "Be sure to get all that stuff out before going home". Ha, ha, sure wish I could, but NOT, LOLOL! 
