The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AH is in prison for multiple DUIs. He has 3 months sober now-obviously doing some soul searching and this poem he sent me yesterday tells me what its like for him being trapped by this disease: Made me cry-its all true, our life through the years of his chronic relapsing. Its our story-perhaps some of yours?
This is what the A goes through too, those that want to stop, and still keep relapsing for some reason-or him, at least, the self hatred, the guilt, the shame...
So often I would be so mad at him-how could he do it again? my sponsor always told me its not about me or our marriage or how much he loves me: the disease has him.
I am happy that he is thinking about this, at least and I hope me posting this can help someone else somehow.
I Forgot To Say I Love You
A windy night, a winter rain, a cold sidewalk The fading pain.
Was he lost? The lights, the glare. He rests His head, she's not there.
His eyes a fright, no where in sight, she calls His name in vain.
No where tonight, he clings so tight, his courage In the rain,
with all his might, into his sleeve, he swipes His last reprieve
A moment, a second, he looks inside, the shame The guilt, it's he,
he knows the man, he fears him so, there's Nothing he can do.
He thinks of her, into the night, I forgot to say I love you...
He works his way into the street, his Memory starts to fade
He thinks of her. What did he do? He's lost, Alone, afraid.
He dreams of her, what has he done? Another long lost task
Into his sleeve he must retrieve a cheap, A plastic flask.
One more time, the cheap motels, it's useless And in Vain
She waits, she prays, she hopes, she says never, Not again.
He lies and sleeps, she cries, she weeps Its happened once again
She hopes, she prays, she knows he's safe She's done all that she can
She looks so deep into his pain She knows what he's been through She looks so deep into her heart.
WOW (((((((((Sarah)))))))) a beautiful poem!! It is so sad!! Hang in there!! It reminds me of my family and there alcoholic dieases powerless and alone refuseing help cause there caught up in there own denial and especially my Mother before she died of this dieases!!!!
I read your poem and yes it was good poem alot of thought.I have to release it is for me not to attack you in any way.I notice you said he was in prson for his 3 dui and I remember the man who hit my sister at the age of 21 head on and killed all 4 girls in the car.He had 3 dwi and did finally go to prison.So be thankful he is in prison and not out killing a young lady and 3 of her friends and detroying 4 families.
Now i see i need to keep comeing backI always think i have gotten over it and i see i havent i have comassion for alcholics and i can see they stuggle but for life of me i cant get for today any ways past some one driveing drunk or under the influence.but it is my issue not yours wish you the best
Well, to clarify, there are differnt kinds of Duis. My husbands for instance are mostly for being asleep in the back, drunk, with he key in the ignition, or for being passed out, while listening to music in a parked car, with the key in the ignition. So, i understand where its hard to have compassion for the alcoholic, there is more than one type of DUI.
And he wont be driving when he gets out. And when and if he does drive again, his car will have an ignition interlock device, so he cannot drive drunk. But my prayers are that he doesnt drink.
I do love this man, and he is my husband and I have watched his struggle with this disease. He hates it. He hates alcoholism. but every once in a while, it sneaks up on him, and he slips, just like me in my program.
I dont know why some people get it and some dont. I hope someday he does get it because I love him and I dont want him to die.
what an excellent poem, not only does it tell of the pain that he goes through but it acknowledges your feelings in the throes of the disease. I love that part. (((Sarah))) thanks for sharing it was great.
Thank you for sharing that with us. Very powerful. Sure helps with that compassion thing, and another reminder to me that yes, they really do know how much we care and are hurt by what they do, and how strong a hold the disease has on them is.
