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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Struggling with Grief...need ESH
Post Info TOPIC: Struggling with Grief...need ESH
sandie123


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Struggling with Grief...need ESH
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Well, I'm back from vacation and already new feelings are creaping in. Vacation truned out to be good, some relaxation and time for me. Thank you all for your help at getting me through vacation with a more positive focus. Now I am back at reality and my mind is starting to give me trouble again.

I thought I was feelings self doubt but I've been told by many people that my feelings may be linked to grief. I am told I may be grieving the loss of my marriage, the loss of my childhood, the loss of my dreams, the loss of the life I wanted and felt I deserved. I can see them all being a part of my life.

At this time, I can see that I am greiving the loss of my marriage and all that goes with it. I struggle with this since I am so much happiers since our separation. It baffles me because of my contentment of my present living situation. Yet, just writing this is getting me agitated.

I've been told that time will heal this. But what do I do with my feelings during this time? How do I keep my focus on me? How do I work though this grief process? How do I know when I am done working through it? how do I move on and not keep playing the same old stuff over and over?

Any help would be appreciated.

Linda





-- Edited by sandie123 at 09:07, 2006-07-04

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Lunamoth


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((((Linda))))


Journaling helps me.  It is where I can put my feeling and leave them for a while.  It is also a good place if I need reflection, I go back and can see where I was, how far I've come and recognize that things were real (as I have a tendency to wash some things over lol).


What I've learned of grief is that if you don't go thru it now, you will eventually go thru it later.  It doesn't just go away, we can put it away for a while, avoid it, but it eventually comes out.  No one wants to feel those feelings, they just aren't fun, and who wouldn't want to avoid them?  But the thing is if you work thru it, think about what those feelings are when you are feeling them and just allow yourself to "feel" them, then you get to move forward.  And the grief becomes part of the past, some place you've been but don't have to keep revisiting.  They say it's a process, and it is, you just have to move thru it at your own pace. 


((((((lots of hugs to you))))))))



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Maria123


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(((((((((((((Linda)))))))))))))))),


I've learned that even when I am happy, there's still grief to process.  The amount of time you have invested in someone determines the amount of time it takes you to get through the grief of that person, that dream, that job, etc. etc. etc.


How to Survive the Loss of a Love (Mass Market Paperback)
by Peter McWilliams, Harold H. Bloomfield, Melba Colgrove


http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0931580439/104-1708027-2394349?v=glance&n=283155


This is one of the best books I have ever read on grief.  It has wonderful poems for each stage of grief and self-help tips.  It's a small, easy reader.  Let me know what you think


love Maria123



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If I am not for me, who will be?  If I am only for myself, then who am I?  If not now, when?
BlueCloud


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((((Linda))))),


I have been working through my grief at the end of a 7-year relationship.


What has helped me is to realize that grief is shorthand for anger + loss + sadness


On different days, different feelings are predominant. Some days I'm happy, centered. Other days I am angry. Other days I am sad.


The feelings emerge organically over time and I try to take each feeling as it comes.


When I get a strong feeling, I quiet down, tune in (often with the help of the serenity prayer), and get really clear on how I am feeling.


Once I've identified the feeling, I open my Alanon books and use the index to read up on that feeling. Recently, I've read up on: feelings, guilt, serenity, etc. I may just think about the entries or journal about them. I also have been going to meetings regularly and sometimes share my new insights.


Spending my time this way to really be with my feelings has been so worthwhile! I am really beginning to understand myself and my feelings, and the readings do wonders to comfort me and validate my feelings.


As time passes, I'm starting to feel more and more serene. It's the serenity that comes from knowing I am really working my program!


BlueCloud



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dori


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Hi,


 Feelings are feelings feel them and then move on.I too am grieveing first i wasnt sure what it was i could start crying for nothing and then i realized .I thought i wont fight it just go through it so i can get on the other side.



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dorene morrow
angelnomore


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Hi Linda,


 


I can’t say  I understand completely what you’re going, although sometimes GRIEF in my opinion the feelings are similar to what others feel when a type of loss has happened. 


 


I’m sure you have read or are going to read on the subject; I just wanted to share with you what I’m reading.  The book is:   THE GRIEF RECOVERY HANDBOOK (revised edition) written by John W. James and Russell Friedman. 


 


I’m reading this now and I must say even though I’m going through a difficult time accepting and understanding my loss this book is helping  me some how.  Who would have thought that a book with only 173 pages is comforting me.


 


What ever you decide to read or do, I hope that you find comfort even if it’s just for today.  Take care…



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