Hello - Al-Anon Family Group

talbotts · Newbie

Hello

bubbles1990 · Senior Member

Welcome (((((((nacey)))))))))) Glad you are here!! This is a great group!!!

Very important and something I am needing to work on myself is SELF LOVE!!!! It takes time to really self love I am learning that one day at a time!!!:)

Thanks for Sharing!!!

Bubbles123

dori · Senior Member

Hi,

I know for me I was so addicted to abuse I would take it from any one who would give it.it is how to get out of the victim matality and love your self and I have not arrived by any means but i am on the journey and one thing for me is to learn who i am you cant love some one you dont know .

i am so glad you are here

dori

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Nancy and welcome home. That is a biggie alright cause if you don't watch how you are reacting to the abuse there can be two people beating down on you...your boss and you. I never did do workplace abuse very well and hated turning to anger, rage and intimidation as a defense. I also hated the victim roll and martyrdom is not a great career choice. Getting to know myself was and is a long term project while the job was a day to day thing and what I needed quickly was good enforceable boundaried and an expectation of reasonable values. I was going to have to talk this out with the other person rather than assume they were getting it because I was expecting it. I also had to ask them the question, "Is there something I am doing or saying that is offensive to you?" and/or "It seems that you are angry about something that has to do with me. Do you want to talk about it?"

Let me tell you first I had to get over he unwillingness and fear of doing that stuff. I also had to get out of the fear of the other person and to treat them with compassion and empathy. It took a lot of courage to do it the first time and I felt I needed to do it or just commit myself to a life of hell living as an abusee. I had to see the abuser as a person that might not know what they were doing or were going through some traumatic stuff themselves. I had to give them some grace and when I did often times I was surprised at what I found out and the process eased or stopped the trouble. You might have to take more drastic measures for your own safety and there are lots of places to reach out for help and support if it comes to that.

I've worked with and for some crazy people. Not everyone out there is in a spiritual program. It's important to me to be in one. If it handn't been for the Al-Anon Family Groups and the great stuff I was taught I might still be chained to a stake out in the back yard.

Keep coming back. ((((hugs))))

nycbt · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP. You are not alone. There a lot of people who understand.

World Service Organization Website –

WWW.al-anon.alateen.org

Alanon meetings 1-888-425-2666

Al-Anon Family Groups UK & Eire
61 Great Dover Street
London
SE1 4YF

Tel: 020 7403 0888

http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html

Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.

Go face to face meeting & online meeting.
post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

· In this program u learn that u have choices. In Alanon we don’t give advice but only suggestions.

· Set support system. people do not judge. You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.

Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

talbotts · Newbie

Thanks for all of your feedback. It was all helpful and I thank you all for taking the time to write. I am having daily issues at work still. I have had some lightbulb moments by realizing that my boss's abuse of me colors the entire dept. and my rship with the other coworkers. Just like a dysfunctional family.

I caught myself trying to "fix" it by sucking up to my coworkers in an attempt to make them be friendly to me. I realized that this was just like when I was in my family of origin, I thought if I just had a better attitude I could make us a happy family. I really believed that. This was 15 years ago and here I am doing it again.

But I did do some healthy things for myself today example talking to the Aff. action coordinator. I am not ready to file an official complaint so I got it clear that he would keep this confidential until I started the pwork, but for now he is just keeping a file so it is documented. This person is trustworthy.

I am utilizing the Serenity Prayer.

It does sound simplistic to be able to talk things thru with this person. This I tried to do on 3 different occasions, the last of which was with our boss. It was nauseating and I subjected myself to more abuse, so although this is the most obvious answer, it doesn't work for me b/c I am not healthy enough to withstand whatever comments he makes.

Thanks for listening.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.