The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
hi everyone. its quarter after 9am right now and i havnt heard from my a since 2pm yesterday. im not surprised. he has been struggling with trying to stay sober for a while now. in and out of different programs for the past six months or so. he has been sober around three weeks now (i stopped keeping track) and sure enough definatly relapsed last night. im pretty calm but my stomach is a little in knots. im not crying my eyes out. i have come to accept this is what addicts do. i didnt try to find him last night, i didnt stay up all night thinking how i could fix him. this program really does bring serenity. my only worry is that i dont even know if he is even still alive. my addict is a binge drinker and crack user. he has been suicidal for so long but did not seek professional help. i know i dont want to be in a relationship with no trust, no hope. or with someone i cant ever count on. but i worry about his mental health. i worry about having money to get through the month. im beginning to get into debt and its really getting to me. i guess i need to just accept everything and see that all the other stuff is really out of control as well. i know hp has a plan for me. i know i will be ok. its just the journey getting there that is hurting me. just wanted to update everyone. take care
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stay in the now...dont look forward, dont look back....your life is what you make of it
im not crying my eyes out. i have come to accept this is what addicts do. i didnt try to find him last night, i didnt stay up all night thinking how i could fix him. this program really does bring serenity.
Notsonew,
I think its amazing the tools this program gives us to remain calm during a relapse or these uncertain times with the A. To lose that peace then regain it, its so precious that I don't want to compromise that peace in any way. My A can't stand it when I'm calm and stick to my boundaries. He will continuously try to steal my joy and peace so he feel better about himself when he knows he's hurt me. I'm starting to see that giving him the satisfaction of shaking my peace and joy is exactly what he wants, its sick. Glad you are getting healthy, thank you for sharing that with us it helps me to hear how others are dealing with life's problems.
Hugs,
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Sorry for the circumstances, but for the most part, it sounds like you are working your program, and that is all we can really do at this point.... In my opinion, this is where the "rubber really hits the road" with respect to our programs, and what we believe in, etc.... This can sound cold and callous (and I assure you, it is not - it was told to me with love) - but my sponsor used to tell me, matter of factly, that "powerless means powerless", so if they end up committing suicide (or using, or adultery, or robbing a bank, or whatever) - they are gonna do it anyway, "with or without" our involvement. I'm glad you posted, cuz I think a lot of us believe and "live" our programs, till the chips are really down, and then we fall back and try to rescue our A's...
Take care of you...
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
When I first came here 6 months or so ago I had that sense of letting go. Now when the A is out I do not go looking for him or beg him to come home. I am resolute if he gets a DUI he can stay in jail. I am also resolute that he is doing his acting out somewhere and I have no control over it.
I am so grateful for this program. I used to be a basketcase when he was gone. I now reliase at Christmas and Thanksgiving his main goal is to get loaded. He has no interest in what I want to do do because he just wants to be loaded. I do not have to take it personally anymore. I also dont have to try to stop him since that is what he wants to do and is going to do regardless of all the effort I put into stopping him. I can only live my own life.
What a great share!! Sounds like some solid detachment with great (rather than grim) determination. Must have felt like a miracle? Keep coming back with the ESH. Even the old timers can learn more and get their old lessons verified as still sound and valueable.
