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Went to see AH in rehab. He looks and sounds much better. He got a pass and we took the kids to lunch. Had a nice couple of hours. We could go visit today again but I said no. My son (9) wants to go, its the first time my AH was "himself" in a long time but I feel my AH thrives on the attention the disease brings him whether neg or posititive. AH asked me to bring his laundry home and bring back next week, but I just said " Well, you can do it for free here, I'll show you how to do it." He said he didn't want to waste the time with us, and he would do it sometime. I let it go, feeling guilty of course. Then he was saying it was the first 4th we would be apart. What a crock! I just said calmly, that's not true last 4th, you were in the hospital (alcohol related) and the one before it,you were loaded and stayed home from town celebrations. He just looked at me and said he guessed he missed a lot.AAAGGGHHHH!!
This is the first visit to inpatient rehab. I am a lot confused by my end of it. I want to be supportive to him, but not act as if he is the "king" b/c he went. If anyone would like to share, I would be grateful!!
SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE UNDERSTANDABLY IN PAIN AND FRUSTRATED...
MY NOW EX WENT TO DETOX AND REHAB CLINIC FOUR TIMES IN THREE YEARS--I TOO HAD YOUR FEELINGS---WHAT IS MY PART THIS TIME???
WELL, TO BE BLUNT, YOUR HUSBAND BEING IN REHAB IS BETTER THAN YOUR HUSBAND NOT BEING IN REHAB---DO YOU NOT AGREE...
EVEN THOUGH YOUR CONFIDENCE IS NOT RIDING HIGH RIGHT NOW (AND MINE WASN'T EITHER) I DECIDED TO SUCK IT UP ONE MORE TIME AND TRY AND SHOW SUPPORT AND LET A LITTLE TIME ANSWER THE QUESTION OF WHETHER SUCCESS IS AT HAND...
IT CAN'T HURT---I WOULDN'T TREAT ANYONE LIKE A KING-BUT I WOULD TRY AND OFFER ENCOURAGEMENT TO CONTINUE A PROGRAM AFTER DETOX AND REHAB...
I WISH YOU WELL AND I HOPE SOME OF THE MORE EXPERIENCED GROUP MEMBERS GIVE YOU SOME COMFORT AND STRENGTH...
Hello Evie am happy your hubby has gone in to rehab. Open s new doors to the whole family . I understand your anger and the need to remind them of what they have missed. I suspect that it really dosent make u feel all taht good after u have done that either. soooooo maybe next time bite your tounge (it does grow back ) and just smile . thats when a sponsor was so valuable to me i could talk out those old resentments with her and not punish him with them.
we cannot keep them sober any more than we could stop them drinking but we can make it a little easier for them by talking out the pst with others and not punish them for past behavor I know it's hard but it really does help. He is newly sober and all ready over whelmed with guilt and shame of his own actions really don't need anymore help from us in that dept.
I hope u are attending f2f meetings for yourself the alcoholic is not the only one that has to change we all do. good luck enjoy sobriety . Louise
I understand where you are coming from. My AH just finished rehab for the 5th time. The very 1st time he was a teen, he just turned 40 this year. I have been supportive each and every time. I went to the family weeks and shared what I needed to share and was honest about what his alcoholism has done to me and the kids. This last time I took him to rehab was just the past May I took him up there dropped him off and didn't see him again for 3 weeks. I left him without a car so he would have to ask for help getting to and from the meetings. I did this because it is important to ask for help. He had to do his own laundry and they gave him simple chores.
My suggestion is go to alanon, go to the family groups if they have them and be as fearless and as honest as you can. If you keep coming back it gets better.
If you can, try to base your decisions, (on whether to go see him or not) on what YOU want, rather than on its possible effect on him. That is - if you want to see him. go. If you don't, don't go. It really is that simple.
I wouldn't worry too much about the attenion he is getting - as we say in child care "Catch 'em being good". Some positive attention for good behaviour is not a bad thing - again, if YOU feel like giving it. If you are bitter underneath and only going because you think you must, it's not worth it.
Thank you to all who posted! I decided not to go back until next week. I'm enjoying my time with my children without the "activities" of an active alcoholic in the house. I am now in the process of really cleaning this house. It's my therapy at the moment, and I must say its looking good here! I have also planned a few fun activies (that will not interfere with AA meetings) for when AH comes home. Hopefully it will give him incentive to spend time with us while sober, if not we'll have fun any way.
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