The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Sometimes I wish I could be one of those people are so unaffected by emotions - sometimes that just seems so tempting. . .
As I have posted before, our daughter, an addict, got out of rehab last Thursday, this week she has already returned to old behaviors. Self-diagnosing herself with pneumonia, calling asking for meds, anger, and this morning my AH (her Dad) picked her up from her boyfriends and brought her to the bus station to leave for another city 2 1/2 hrs away to stay with "friends" and told her not to contact us anymore, again. Usually when she doesn't name these "friends" it's because it involves some of her drugs contacts. So here we go back to old behavior, which is sad, she never made it to one meeting after getting out of treatment. Of course, her leaving town will reduce the chances of us seeing Caroline (her daughter) so next week, I'll box her Birthday gifts and mail to the other grandparents, hoping the grandparents will at least send me a picture of her in the cute outfit I bought for her.
I read in the paper this morning one of my good friends from High School passed away, at 42 that seems so young. I know it's probably not, but it just seems so young. He leaves behind a sweet wife and three teenage children. Not sure what happened, will pay my respects at the funeral home this evening before my f2f meeting. Life seems to be passing by so fast, I seem to be losing so many friends and family as the days go by.
And if I wasn't feeling enough emotions, I am blessed enough to be living with a recovering AH. We are one of the few that have been blessed enough to be able to save our marriage. It hasn't been easy, but God has given us the answers through our seperate programs (he in AA & I in Al-Anon) to be able to work on ourselves individually and our marriage together. I think this is a pure miracle. Someone asked me if I felt like I was flaunting this in front of everyone? Well, I didn't until now??? Am I? We are both always giving our HPs the credit - we know it wasn't anything to do with us - but am I hurting people by telling our story? I don't want. Is it bad because ours happen to work and someone else's didn't? I know not everyone is meant to be together - I also know that ours could end tomorrow - we only have today, I don't know - but I do know that this is a crazy place for me to be!!
So, my emotions are going all over the spectrum - trying to feel the feelings and not react on them. Trying to keep me in a sane place today - but it is a struggle today,
Any E, S or H?
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Hello Rita , don't u dare stop taking about the miracles in your life. I came to the point where i was tired of feeling bad because our marriage seemed to work - and there are lots of people out there who resent that. I stopped apologizing because we made it.
I ahve been in the position your describing and as I was sharring it with an prog friend she said don't stop talking about it - stories like yours gives me hope.
And like u said God repaired this mess not us. and I should be apologizing for that ????? don't think so . He wouldnt 'like that.
What we read here is mostly negative stuff about the As and the hopelessness of it all as far as they go. Success stories like yours and Abbyal's are important. We need that balance. I still love my A and need to hold onto some hope that we can make it and knowing that others have helps.
So sorry about your daughter.Sounds like she is not ready yet to give it up.I pray for strength for you and your hubby, and for your daughter's HP to look after her and the little one.
As for your marriage,I agree with the others who replied.There are so many hurting,struggling people in this program some hope is definitely needed.After all, it's experience,strength and HOPE, right? We need all three.
I need to hear the success stories as well as the not so successful ones who show me I am not alone.It's progress not perfection,we are all in different stages.I think it's wonderful that your marriage to an A is working out.It may be rare,I guess, and that is really sad.
I am not blaming myself for the ending of my marriage, I think we both are at fault.But I have come to realize that if I had stayed with Alanon years ago and really worked it, it is very possible our relationship would have been better and may not have come to this.The damage that is done from the complaining,the nagging,the mothering,the yelling,the anger,...oh my Lord.It is so destructive whether it is coming from the A or the spouse.
The A has so much pain and guilt and anger,etc,etc...sober or not.The spouse can only make things worse by adding to the misery.But if the spouse gets help and works their own program and gets healthy and happier,I believe it can only benefit the A, the marriage,and especially the spouse.Some of the misery I have is of my own making because of my reactions to this disease.I just recently allowed myself to wallow in anger,despair and self pity and I gotta say I am glad to have moved past that.It was a dark hole.I can't help anyone from there especially myself.God,reading,Alanon, and this message board helped lift me out.My AH even said he couldn't stand it anymore :)
Please keep posting and showing what the program can do.I for one will never get tired of hearing about it. love and hugs d
Never stop telling your story. How amazing that you have both made it through. Gives hope to those of us who may otherwise at the moment have none. Recovery is possible!!!
Thank you
lilms
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Two things: 1. Recovery is a process, not an event.....and.... 2. You only get to go around once. Leave em laughing and make it worth your while
I hear that it is about boundaries so that you don't take everything in to the core. When it comes to my children I get very emotional.
About your marriage surviving, great! I am separated from my sober AH now. All his choice. At first I would look at couples and the resentment would build. Then I realized how arrogant I was to think that I deserved more than someone else. Now, I can truly say I am happy that others have a companion, mate, marriage.
