The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Finally got my computer fixed ... !!! So much has happened since my last post...
The last few weeks have been very hard for me.. My husband and I have been at each others throats.. We took seperate vacations and on the way home I listened to a message on his cell phone left by a female and assumed he was cheating. My insecurities, it turned out to be a realtor.. he was looking for real estate in the mountains where we have always talked about retireing... Anyway, we seperated.. He took the camper and left. Yesterday after several long talks, and his meeting with an addiction specialist followed by another meeting with a marriage counselor i allowed him to return. Maybe not the right thing to do and maybe i will regret my decision but nevertheless I made it.. I own it right or wrong... I am not sure that our marriage will work but as I told him with him in recovery and me in my recovery we may have a shot..
I know that we can not return to where we have been. The fighting, hurting each other, just doing what we can to get the other one ANGRY. To do that I have a lot of work to do on me.. I want to learn to let go.. That I am not responsible for everyones happiness just my own, nor is he responsible for my happiness.
I learned a lot about myself in the last month.. I learned that I could take the kids and go on vacation alone driving 18 hours from Florida to Ohio.. I learned that although it was really difficult I could live in the house alone without him here.
We returned from vacation on the 18th and he told the counselor that he hasnt had a drink since the 15th.. I didnt challange it, I just said that is GREAT.. For me, I am seeing a counselor for me continuing to work on me and my recovery.
I have really been praying for direction and for my HP's will to be DONE !!!
I need strength, direction, and comfort.. All I know that my HP can provide...
Hello Tammy. IT sounds like you have alot of firsts and do give youself the credit you deserve! :) It is amazing what we can do when we just do it. You are already letting go and in my opinion doing darn well. This program is a process and a life long one if we choose. For me letting go and detatching with love are similiar. Also turning it over is pretty close to. Out of sight out of mind sure helps me alot. Time alone sounds like a good plan and hopefully you are stronger and ready to make more leaps and bounds to a better you. cdb xoxoxo
Glad you got things up and running again. Hang in there and take it easy with yourself. People keep telling me to remember that I have alll the strength I need WITHIN my self...this applies to you too!
I have responded to your posts before. My AH (sober) and I are separated by his choice. He screams divorce. I have nothing to gain from divorce. I am trying to set better boundaries though so I don't get hurt so much. He said let's go to this race together and I said ok. Then he said I am going to the race with this group and I have no plans to do anything with you (4th of July weekend). We were just like you and your AH - we were at each others throats. So I think ok and I resign myself that I am not on his list. But the thought of a long weekend with no one around will be hard. He calls and says well I am just going to run and then work on grading papers. I ask my HP what to say. And I say do you want to come here and grade papers? He says sure and I will be there in a couple of hours. I don't get it. He is now on my couch reading. Hmmm. I did say that I am expecting companionship and that you don't change your plans midway.
I have learned that I can do lots and lots of things by myself. So what if the pictures are crooked. I think that they respect us more when we show that we are competent. It is ok with me that I have help and companionship this week. But I still strive to be able to take care of myself as much as possible.
