I have heard delusion is when I believe the fantacy I have created about my life . I believe the lies I tell myself on a daily basis .

Denial is when I know there is something wrong but deny that is affecting me and my family. I never put a connection to his attiude and the amount of alcohol he was consuming. He had always drank but like many others his alcoholism became the thing that almost destroyed us all. He didn't plan on becomming alcoholic it just happens .

What I didn't know about this disease almost destroyed my family.

I read in Hope for today a line that really made me think , It said that denial kept me from feeling the pain of watching someone we love kill themselves .

But it also robbed me of feeling any pleasure in my life and seeing the good things 

 As I got sicker all I saw was the negative stuff and focused on it.  comming to this program I was encouraged to start a gratitude list for the good stuff. One on paper so that  I could look at it in times of despair and remind myself of the good things in my life.My first Gratitude list consisted of "things" new car , nice home, enough money to do or buy anything I wanted and of course my sons.

  A few months later I was adding to my list when I realized my husb name was not one the list  and i called my sponsor and started to laugh at my selfishness as I told her about my list  i said ya know with out my husb I wouldn't have the new car , the things or for that matter the most important on the list  Our two sons.  (just a tad sick )

To day after many yrs of working this program to the best of my ability on a daily basis , reminding myself to look for the good stuff and to get the most out of each day.

Most days I can pull that off.     Today I am grateful that I married an A if I hadn't I never would have taken a long hard look at myself and my attitude.   And changed the things I can  Me ....... Louise