The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I told my ex/bf that I could not see him anymore. That what he was asking me to do, I could not do. He wants me only for the bad times in his life. When he is down and depressed and needs someone to hold him. Some one to snuggle up with. Sex. Those are the only times he needs me. But, When I need someone for those things. He isn't there.
So many things happened in the short time I knew him (2 years). we have been seperated 11 months and things are no better. I was there for him in every thing bad that went on in his life. He is an alcohlic, pot smoker, pain pill abuser. His mother and father both are active alcholics. His daughter as well and drugs. He has a six year old son who I love sooo much, but I have been forced to walk away from him too. I helped him start his business which is slowly gone down the drain. I have thought I was crazy and surley losing my mind, Even to the point of thinking that maybe if I died I would be better off! Have yet to go to a f/t/f meeting. But am determined to soon. I work 2 jobs and have to find a way to go. I love this guy so much but know that this is something I had to do. Just hope I can hold on . Has been 10 days and still no contact. This has been so hard. I think non stop- constantly about him and some days are better than others. Thanks for listening to me. I need help to get through this.
My thoughts are with you. I think you show great strength in making this change for you. It is so hard when you love the person, but how intuitive of you to notice that he isn't there for you when you need him! It is such a strong and admirable thing to realize that you are not getting what you need from this guy. I know the pain of change and feeling so so sad and wanting that person back. Hang in there. I don't know if you have read these books but they have helped me tremendously in the past few months. I mean, like saved my life! "The Language of Letting Go", "CoDependent No More", "Beyond Co-Dependency" - all three by Melody Beattie. They are amazing, and I am reading each of them like a bible almost every day.
You are in the right place, these people here are wonderful and supportive... face to face are wonderful also!
Sisdragonfly, you're my kind of gal!!! Good for you for recognizing what you need and making it so. Hang on. Believe me, things will get better for you day by day. There is a great life waiting for you. Congratulations for having the courage and strength to grab for it!!!
I will pray that you find some relief to let go just a little more. I just want to let you know that you don't have to do this alone and f2f meetings are great support. These meetings are scheduled at all different times too...
It is sad that the little boy is stuck in all of this but there is one thing you can do for him...that is to pray that your HP protect him through these years to come..to enlighten his mind and learn from this disease and not to become subject to it...to also follow his purpose in life to find true happiness....HP will listen and message will be sent!
Keep your chin up and know that you deserve so much more than what he is giving you...you know this...
(((sisdragonfly)))--I find you very courageous! It is so hard letting someone go. It is very good that you could look at things logically and know what was best for you! I do hope you find peace and each day gets easier and easier!
From a woman who has been there and I want you to know the pain will stop and you wont cry or even look for his car or call and hangup just to hear his voice .i know all thr tricks.
i am very proud of you , be good to your self . keep posting here get to face to face meetings even if it one a week find a sponsor so you got some one to call.
I agree the book the language of letting go helped me to .
Wow! What courage you have! You saw the red flags and heeded them. Good for you!!
I know you are hurting now, but you'll get through this; and once you do, you'll know you did what was best for you...without selling yourself out. You deserve to have someone there for you as much as you are there for him... and your heart apparently recognized that and you were able to stand up for yourself.
How many times have I seen the hole in the road and walked right in, knowingly, and then complained about the pain? I did so with my AH... and most of the 10 years of marriage have been HARD. Yes, we have a house, a dog, and two beautiful sons... and I am grateful... but I also feel empty and unfulfilled a lot of the time. I don't think relationships are supposed to be this hard, really. It's what I chose and I am still working on accepting my AH and what he is able to give. You can choose an easier, softer way and hopefully, have your needs met by someone who is there for you as much as you are for him.
I hope you keep coming back, keep sharing... and reach out to friends who love you and support you to help you through this time...
Well what I hear is that he has you and you have no one. I hope you will make an effort to have support in your life. When I started doing that 6 months ago things changed.
I am so grateful for coming to these rooms. In the past few months I have not been able to be here enough but I am grateful none theless. Can you start taking actions for you. Nevermind him and his chaos. Obviously you are attached to his children. You are worthy of having needs and issues too. Please start working on them.
Good for you!!! Please try to find a way to get to a meeting. Meetings will give you the tools you need to cope with all your feelings and the strength to use those tools. At your first meeting you will get some literature and phone numbers of people that you can call. Those people can be invaluable at helping you through the rough or weak times. Don't be afraid to call. People only give their phone numbers if they are willing to help. To find all the meetings in your area call: 1-888-425-2666
Keep coming back Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
