The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i went to see a movie with my ah. i think of him now as my ex. he should have been 3 months ago my i have an idiot lawyer. ok that sounds harsh, maybe he's and alcoholic too! he's a master of avoiding. so, we went to the movies and had a nice time, he came back here and played with the kids and stayed for dinner. but i asked him when he had to leave (he's driving his mother's car) and he said he wasn't sure. so he went to his car and called on a cell phone. so what was that about? my mind started going. who is he talking to?new girlfriend,his sick mother,drug dealer.my first reactions who is she (raging )but i have to change myself.so reality being what it is it sucks.yeah what do i do?make a scene and ask him to leave i am at a point in my life where i would do that. but the kids,i am their mother. i have to do this. he wont,. if my kids stand even a shot of a real life it's gotta come from me.great but the thing is i don't know if i can handle him being involoved with another person right now,childish i see but that's my feeling. so i let it go and had a decent dinner. he is still the same old lazy person. not like he comes over and asks what he can do to help. i installed the ac unit by myself.it works and the house hasn't burned down yet it's like he has some moral blockage to helping me with thing that would benefitt his children. things that friends do for each other. which brings me back to his axis of evil---his family of origion.so as angry as i got it passed quickly. me thinking what will the girls and i do when he leaves. so i don't know how long i will be friends with him.if he were anyone else i might probably hang for a bit until the bad outweighted the good then let go and move on. but we have these kids. and until i read the add in the paper for a woman a lovely woman who was caring for three very lovely girls and then the other part you know the part about the maid!!!until someone throws a painless mature,finacially stable man who wants to spend our lives together i guess i'm stuck checking out my own flaws and making mistakes and being hurt. hhmmm this is better than being a saint?
We love them, we hate them, sometimes we just love to hate them. It is so much harder looking at ourselves. But all considering, you gave your children an evening with their Dad that was peaceful and enjoyable. He may never appreciate it, in all likelyhood he is unable to see all that you do, but they will have made memories that are positive. That is a good thing.
I got married to my first AH about 8 years ago....we lasted about 4/12 months. Thoughts in my head were similiar to yours. We have these kids!!!! Well, in my situation, we had a daughter that desperately needed a father to love her. He never could and I had to make a decision to let go and love her double time until the right one came around...and he did and he loves her so much. They are going to Six Flags without me on Wednesday.
There is hope and you can love your kids enough for two parents. I did for almost 3 years. It was so tough and I cried but I tell ya it was better that my child got a normal life with me than a dysfunctional one with him. He was so cruel...he would lock himself in the bedroom and not come out...he would come out and cook him something for himself and then say nothing to us. My daughter would ask if they could do something together but his reply would be "Not today" and that was it. How horrible she must have felt on a daily basis. She didn't get that treatment for almost three years while we lived alone and she thanked me leaving. She told me we were better off without him....We found a way to survive financially and it was real easy emotionally !!! LOL
I will pray for your family...and we only have to take this life one day at a time.
