The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Over the past few months my AW has been telling me she's leaving/she wants me to leave, and back and forth. Yesterday she got on the phone with my mom and told her she was moving to her mothers.
Of course my mom was floored and called to see what in the world was going on. Said my AW was just hysterical on the phone.
She told me the same, but I didn't take much account of it since this is about the 5th plan for leaving. But later she declared that she is not going to take our son from his home and his stuff so I need to leave.
She has stopped trying to isolate our differences from our son. Now she has started saying things to him directly to upset me. I told her I can see that happening and it is abusive to him to be used like that.
I let her know that if we can't stop raging at each other that might be a good plan, but that our son would be with me which ever way we go. I told her she is a good mother and we all love each other, but I can't trust that she would be capable of handling any late night emergencies if she can't stop drinking. That I am not willing to take that chance with his life.
She didn't take that very well, but we didn't argue about it. For some reason, with me not focusing on the A'ism for several months I think she has convinced herself that it really isn't a problem and that I am just a butt-head.
Well... I may be a butt-head, but my heart is just crushed right now, even though I know this is the right way to address this.
Luckilly (ha) I have to work today. Boy do I need the brake instead of pacing the house dodging her. HP must have known I would need this today and I am grateful.
If you have an open slot on your prayer list, mind plugging us into it? Thank you for being here!
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
RTexas, I am installing you in a very important position on my prayer list. Meantime remember...the one who is being hurt the most in this fiasco is your son.
With great caring and concern, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Something that I have learned ofver the years. When I say something that truly erks my "A". I know that I have struck a crod with him, and that he may not want to admit it, but what I have said is true.
Take care of you and your son.
Much Love,
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
Hi Rt ,one more time threats and inuendo,sometimes they follow thru - the purpose is and was to have u stop going ot Al-Anon . My husb told me when he was sober tht when I joined thisi program he knew he was in trouble " because now there we two of us who knew tht he had a problem" =go figure. Your wife knows she's in trouble she just isn't prepared to do anything about it at the m oment . Don't give up stay close to your son and take care of you.
When my husb used to threaten me with leaving I too got upset until one day I had had enough and i said I hope u dont do that but u do what u have to do and walked away. He stayed .
Several months later and 9 months of a dry drunk he left our home and was gone for 6 months he started to drink immediatley after leaving our home. It was the best thing that he could do for us In that six months I found out that I would be ok with out him and he decided that home was where he wanted to be,and was willing to do what he had to do to get here.
Sober and AA was the biggest boundary i ahve ever set in my life, control? maybe but I knew I could n ot live with active alcoholism again. and he said he knew I meant it. that was 17 yrs ago and thngs just keep getting better. So continue doing what your doing meetings and learning about you. Neither of our programs guarantee to save our marriages but it does promise to return sanity to my life. and so far so good hehe
I know this is hard for you and it hurts so much to be left. However, I want to again remind you that most of my problems stem from being a child of an alcoholic. I have been victimized and married to 3 A's searching for "LOVE". Please protect your son. Get him help and keep him safe from this terrible disease.
oh the A threatens to leave all the time. He has left. Nowadays when he does that i say and do nothing. I have found that very powerful. I will not allow him to push my abandonment buttons anymore. A's are incredibly manipulative.
You are doing everything you can do to remain sane, protect your son and keep your family as in tact as possible. I will be praying for you. You will come out on the other side of this even stronger than ever.
Prayers and good thoughts are sent your way from my HP to yours . . .
Now that my AH is in recovery sometimes we talk about some of his past behaviors, he says most of the time his main goal was to get my focus off his drinking/drugging on some other detail (him leaving, financial, kids, house, blah, blah, blah) then he could blame all those other things for our problems rather than look at what the disease was doing.
Don't know if that helps or not, but I do sense from reading your post that you will follow your HP's guide to the healthy decisions for you and your family, Take care of you and that wonderful son of yours - You both deserve it!!
Progress not Perfection,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Wow, I like this new format, I miss a few posts for a few days & here they pop back up to the top.
My ex used to threaten divorce constantly, I am only just learning how infantile, seriously damaging it is to the other person, controlling & manipulative a device tactic this is.
May the Divine Physician of our souls send protection, healing, care & intervention instantaneously to your family. God's Will be done that we may all become the people HP desires us to be. Amen.
Love, -K
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
You and family are in my prayers. What I did in my family when my ex-AH would put our daughter in the middle I would declare how wrong that was in front of our child and walk away once the verbal abuse started after my comment. I would then talk to my daughter and ask how she felt and tell her what dad was trying to do and to educate her as much as I could on his illness. It has paid off because my daughter today is going on 13 and has a really good head on her shoulders ..... just a thought for you to try with your son if your AW can't come to her senses and stop...
