The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well...thanks to Gailey, at least I'm working on it. She sent me a "sample" spreadsheet where she lists monthly expense, and the due date, date paid, etc.
I just started filling it out, but also including the interest rate, and the balances for each, and the past due amount. I figured I would show this to my A and see if a black and white written account would cause him to wake up as to his spending plans.
After the monthly bills, I did a category for the yearly bills, real estate taxes, vehicle tags, insurance, etc....divided each by 12 (months) and moved that to monthly expenses to show how much we need each month to cover those expenses. Now, I'll start adding the expenses for the business, as well as try to budget for food, leisure, (what's that?) and the major expense ... fuel for the vehicles!!!
I have no more money than yesterday, but I'm getting to where I know what I owe.
I still have some fine tuning to do on my list, as I'm hurrying to get back to work, but the time I spent calculating and listing has been well spent. I already feel better that it's in front of me instead of this big lump sum hanging over my head life a storm cloud.
When I seperated and eventually divorced a couple of years ago, setting up a budget was one of the first things I had to do! Boy I hated the idea of it! But I had never in my adult life truly been responsible for taking care of everything! And I knew I would have to get organized to make sure I could take care of everything like I needed to.
Once I finally sat down and built myself a spreadsheet listing all of my bills, etc. and started using it continually it was so great! Took all the mystery out of things and kept me honest. Now I have this great record of all my expenses for the last two years, and it makes a great tool for estimating what I can and can't do this month. I have been crunching numbers the last few days because I really need to buy a new car. Boy, its hard for me to commit to that, but by looking at my spreadsheet, I can see that I should be just fine...and it also tells me how much can I afford. So I dont go out and over spend on a vehicle.
I don't think you would want to trade with me.....living with addiction is expensive......we can never get ahead when living in the world of addiction......
Great work, I am really proud of you. Knowledge is power. Great job working the 3 As, Awareness, Acceptance, Action. Thanks for the share on this topic, I need to go back and take a better look at my own spreadsheet and make some adjustments, my AH is actually contributing some now.
Keep up the great work, and make sure to keep the focus on you. When I did my own spreadsheet and showed it to my AH I expected (AAAAHHHH resentment waiting to happen) him to have this giant AH HA moment and say, "Oh, yeah, now I can see it, and this is what I'll do to help" Instead he was overwhelmed by it, sat there, said next to nothing other than, "I am doing the best I can!" Yuck, I certainly did not like that nor did I agree, but as I said to you, my own knowledge gave me the power to change the things I can, and get things in order for me. Things are better today as a result and I am not nearly as overwhelmed.
To all...thank you. Yes, knowledge is power. I've been calculating and figuring where the light of the tunnel might be.
My A saw the spreadsheet printed out this morning. His reaction was to ask which bills would be left to him...as he must have thought I was leaving. After a little of that talk, he started saying he didn't realize we still owed that much on some of the stuff. I also added a column showing how much interest is on each charge, and late charges. Well, now the knowledge is shared by two, so let's see how that goes. By the way, the vehicle he wants to upgrade is leased. Talk about throwing money away, if he doesn't buy it afterall, which he has never done in the past.
David...good luck on getting that new car. I have a couple of payments you could borrow!
Lynn...as I said, yes, it's less overwhelming when I can see it in black and white. Thank you. I'll try really hard to focus on myself, knowing I am trying my best, but I'll try not to neglect the little things that can bring me joy...fortunately, most of those don't require money.
Andrea...tho sober, my A still has the addiction. Sometimes I think my HP has created our financial difficulties...if our credit rating is bad, then surely my A cannot run up any more charges.
Again, thanks guys, I needed you and you were there.
