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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Hi all, I'm new here
Post Info TOPIC: Hi all, I'm new here
slkcma


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Hi all, I'm new here
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First I'd like to say that I hope you all find the peace you deserve! Peace and contentment is my goal. After all these years, I've finally realized that my surroundings and trying to change others around me isn't going to bring me that. I have alot of work to do within myself.


I'll first mention my son because he kind of is an important part of what I'm dealing with in my husband. As a teen, my son was arrested for drug-related charges, did some jail time, home detention, and is still on probation BUT is doing great. Passing his drug tests, furthering career options, and has kept the same job through this all.


Now my husband has always had a drinking and pot problem (well minor use before we were married, 24 years ago, and has gotten worse as time goes on). He had a job with excellent benefits, working on a pension, paycheck deduction to buy company stock etc.  Well around 4 years ago, he tested positive for pot and he's a driver so he was pulled off the job and had to go through NA/AA classes and then if he tested negative he could have his job back which he did. We went through alot of his stocks to survive.


After so many months, he tested positive again and lost that job for sure. This time we went through our 401k. He did some job jumping and then ended up where he's been for the last year or two. He had the job long enough that I figured he must be clean.


In May, I walked out in the garage and he acted surprised and put something in his pocket so I pretty much knew he was using. I searched the garage after he left for work and sure enough in his spare truck was pot. I immediately flushed it. We can't have any drugs or alcohol in the house with my son being on probation. I should have made hub be the one to take his child to prison knowing he'd be living with scary people or made him look at the sore/swelling above the son's eye he came home with that he says he got passing out and hitting a brick wall in his prison bathroom--then again, the hub wouldn't have seriously thought about it like I do. Well that hit me at my core that hub would risk the son's future for a plant-especially with the son doing so well and actually having a chance at getting past his substance issues. I mean even if hub's using, he doesn't have to bring it here knowing that. Not to mention that hub had lost a job twice, I've filed for divorce before, and on and on-you know how it goes.


He's also constantly getting drunk and riding home on his motorcycle that way. (In fact when undercover agents were here years back looking for my son, my hub was arrested for driving up to the house on his motorcycle drunk. I came home from work and undercover agents were looking for my son and had my hub in the driveway in handcuffs. Talk about a slap in the face! My poor daughter had been here alone until I arrived watching all this.)


Well that brings me to yesterday when he informed me that he has lost this job-tested positive for pot again. We are about to sell the last of our stocks to pay my daughter's college tuition and a few months payments on the house.


We are out of all financial backups (the house is the only thing left and sounds like that won't last long). Deeply in debt-alot of medical bills as I have Crohn's disease and spinal arthritis. I had spine surgery after he lost his insurance with the first job I talked about. I had to have it to function though. I work part time because of my health.


So basically trapped in my situation but think that AlAnon may be a good way for me to still find my peace in the situation. You have to find some peace at sometime to feel any life going through this crap.


I really hate putting this online because of some of the circumstances but I have to maintain my sanity to get through the next year or two.


Anyway, I've ordered AlAnon books and plan on working on that. I'm just learning what it's all about but already see the benefit of working on me and accepting there is nothing I can do about him.


Hopefully after I learn a bit more, I can do more replying and even help a few of you.


Thanks for listening if you've made it this far.


Hugs!



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abbyal


~*Service Worker*~

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hello slk, nice to meet you , well sounds like your having a rough time right now. Don't give up there is always hope .  I hope u plan of going to al anon meetings f2f , they will change your life , u need support from those of us who have been where your at , this board is great and chat is awsome but nothing like the support u will get in real meetings .


There is nothing u can do about him but alot u can do for yourself , hope u take care of you by attending our program.    Louise



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I came- I came to-I came to be
slkcma


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Posts: 9
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Thank you Louise!


I plan on working on this online and books until revealing my hub isn't risking my son. We are from a fairly small community and where I'd be taking f2f would be the same places the son takes twice a week, court-ordered meetings.


I haven't even told the son that this is going on (don't know if the hub has?) cuz then it puts him in the spot where he's not revealing something he should be to the county. I've decided that I do need to tell him what's going on soon. He has the right to know. I really need to get son out of this house but the places he could go are in the next county and he's not allowed to live in another county until probation is up in a year.


I don't know, it's all just a confusing spot we are in.



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nycbt


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 810
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Welcome to MIP. You are not alone. There a lot of people who understand.


 


World Service Organization Website –


WWW.al-anon.alateen.org


Alanon meetings 1-888-425-2666


Al-Anon Family Groups UK & Eire
61 Great Dover Street
London
SE1 4YF


Tel: 020 7403 0888


http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/


Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html 


Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.



  • Go face to face meeting & online meeting.
  • post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

·        In this program u learn that u have choices. In Alanon we don’t give advice but only suggestions.


·        Set support system.  people do not judge. You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.



  • Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.


 

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
dori


Senior Member

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Posts: 252
Date:
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Hi,


 glad you are here, you are in the right place


 love


dori



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dorene morrow
slkcma


Member

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Posts: 9
Date:
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Thanks for the welcomes and info!

If you notice all the messages on the board start having huge view counts, it's cuz my computer is really giving me fits on this site (plus a few others).

I don't know much about Alanon yet so am curious if you think the books I chose were good decisions, or if there is something you think I should have chose that I didn't.

Here's what I got...

1 THE SET: ODAT & CTC

1 . . . In All Our Affairs: Making Crises Work for You

1 Al-Anon’s Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions

1 The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage

Thanks again!


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