The material presented
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i want to talk to my ah and tell him that insted of doing whatever it is he is doing he should be with his kids. he had a whole day that he didn't work and he never even called to ask if he could be with our 3 year old. i bet it never even occured to him. i know it didn't. or he sees his son from a prevoius marriage now all the time but has only seen our girls 4 times in the past 4 months and he left to go be with his son on father's day. he hadn't seen or cared to see his son in the past 3 years. when i stopped telling him to pursue visitation he just stopped. but his son is his mother's favorite. and his ex is his mother's favorite. so my kids get nothing. this is what kills me. father's day i did really well. i said let's do this and that. he said he had to leave at 6 to go be with his son. i had half an hour to calm down and choose to have a nice time anyway and think of a new plan for after he left. i did all this and i myself was fine with it all. a relief really as i don't enjoy spending time with him but i have to because i don't trust him unsupervised with the kids. i know the situation hurt the kids. his son was a big part of their lives for many years. as were my ah's family. now nothing.but here's the thing. i think my motive to even bring any of this up to him would be because he honestly doesn't see these things. he is brain damaged and off his meds and still using or at least not working a program. he surrounded by people that tell him it is fine to abandon your children and party. after all he was so young when he had them he has every right to do his own thing. they'll be fine they're kids they don't really know or care.seriously i have heard this from his family. or maybe i am feeling hurt for my children. or i am hurt. i know i am hurt and angry but i do a good job of detatching most of the time. so i asked him to call me back tonight and he did but by the time he did i was really unsure about talking to him at all about this. i know i can say it without being angry but should i say anything at all? is it my place, would it change anything? do i owe it to myself and my kids and him to speak up? i will pray on these answers and in the mean time if anyone has any esh please let me know.....thanks
Hello, serendipity, Thank you for your post. It is really hard to be in the situation you are in with your husband and children. I am sorry. My experience is this. Something I have been learning to do in the last couple of years is to think about what I want to say, and then to decide if it is important for me to say it. I am responsible to take care of myself in that way - by speaking my truth. I am also responsible for how I say what I say. Other than that, I have been learning that I have to "let it go." In other words, I have to decide if I have to say it for myself, and allow the other person to do or not do whatever they are going to do or not to do. Nothing you can say will make another person do what you think they should or should not be doing. That is also true for the A's we have in our lives. A woman I really admire - who is a very powerful, growing person - has told me that she now speaks her truth, and lets it go, regardless of the outcome. I am learning to do the same. And sometimes I am learning not to say anything, either. For me, my true motives are usually unclear, even to me. I know we can sort things out and get close to our motives, but sometimes I don't seem to know mine until later. I can tell that you are growing in Program - you must be going to meetings and working the Steps - because now you are taking the time to step back and to ask yourself these important things before speaking. Blessings and prayers to you and to your family, serendipity, mebjk
