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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Missing the A
Post Info TOPIC: Missing the A
mandalynn38


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Date:
Missing the A
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I am having a hard day today. My A boyfriend went into a rage on Friday with that I have not seen him since Sunday morning. He came to my house on Saturday night late and he spent the night.. I dropped him off back to his house on sunday. I have not seen him or spoke to him since. My choice, because I have told him that I do not like being around him while he drinks. I know he is drinking pretty good because I had the guy he was working for calling me looking for him. I have seen this before he spends most of his night drinking and then sleeps and ignores the world around him. Usually I go there and try to help him, talk to him, but in my mind i know that there is nothing I can do that will change him. He has to want to change it himself.  I love him and I care.  But, the last time that this happened I told him I was not going to do this anymore. I have to mean what I say...... He uses the fact that, he knows that I truely and deeply love him.  But, for now for me to keep my sanity I must stay away and hope and pray that my HP will help me threw this.


Mandi



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abbyal


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 3854
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Manda   look after your own needs and allow your bf the dignity to do it his way. Let him grow up and take responsibility for his own actions.  No need to explain to a boss or make excuses for him .   Detach with love and get your life back on track. 

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I came- I came to-I came to be
just me


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 527
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I am with Abbyal...Focus on you and kick him to the curb!  I would be thinking about why am I attracted to this guy in the first place?  Get to f2f meetings and find a sponsor to help you on the road to YOUR recovery.  Don't be like me...I married 3 A's and now am 46, a single mom and finally getting my perverbial sh-- together.  A little too little too late.  I wanted more kids...all I got was more chaos! 


Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.  I was told in my 20's The first time shame on him...the second time shame on you for tolerating it.  I thought geez you do not understand us and the never ending excuse...but I love him!  What a sorry person I was!  No wonder he walked all over me!  If you put up with it he will continue the bad behavior.


Stand up for yourself...when you get busy you will get better!


 


Julia 



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dori


Senior Member

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Posts: 252
Date:
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Hi,


 I agree with the other ladies get to a meeting look out for you.you are not going to change him and no matter how much you love him it is not going to change he is drinking .


just me i wanted to say to you .halluia you learned and move on but hunny bunnie your life is not over it is just begining.


 dori



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dorene morrow
heartless39470


Member

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Posts: 14
Date:
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I am going through the same stuff. My boyfriend will not talk to me at all. I can't deal with it anymore.


 



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canadianguy


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2962
Date:
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Sorry to be blunt, but what exactly do you "miss" about this guy??  He sounds like he isn't capable of being too 'available' to you, nor fulfilling any needs for you these days... If your answer to the above question is "when he is sober......", you need to answer yourself honestly - how often is that??


 


Time to take care of you, and your recovery... he will either choose to get better, or he won't...


T



__________________

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

"What you think of me is none of my business"

"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"

 

 

 

 
nycbt


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 810
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Welcome to MIP. You are not alone. There a lot of people who understand.


 


World Service Organization Website –


WWW.al-anon.alateen.org


Alanon meetings 1-888-425-2666


Al-Anon Family Groups UK & Eire
61 Great Dover Street
London
SE1 4YF


Tel: 020 7403 0888


http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/


Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html 


Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.



  • Go face to face meeting & online meeting.

  • post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

·        In this program u learn that u have choices. In Alanon we don’t give advice but only suggestions.


·        Set support system.  people do not judge. You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.



  • Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.


 

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
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