The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is the question I asked myself today. I used to do better when my AW was not raging at me. Period. She starts raging and I flip out. Then everything gets me... work, the kids and their little tragedys, the guy driving like an idiot in front of me... EVERYTHING!
I feel better about my life right this second and I had to ask, is it because my AW calmed down and had a good weekend with us? Is it because it was Fathers day and I got 2 new shirts and an anchor for the boat?
I think it is partly some of those things (... who doesn't like getting an anchor? ), but more than that I feel a little more balanced.
The good days dont confuse me as much. I used to take the 1 good day out of 7 and walk around shaking my head thinking my wife had surely lost her mind to think I would out of the blue enjoy doing something with her after all that's happened in the last 6 days. Some days I can't do that, but more days I can.
And the bad days are what they are. Normal for an active A. I still get mad, I just don't yell as much. I still feel hurt, but I remind myself what a horrible disease this is. I still get disgusted sometime when my AW wants to kiss and snuggle and she has that drunken glaze over her eyes, but I think of how sad it is that she can't really enjoy the feelings of the day anymore.
By in large, I think I am better. Opinions vary (LOL), but I am not frantic today. My concentration is not really there yet, but I'm getting there.
Just some random thoughts to finish out the day...
Thank you all for being here!!! Think I would at best be a single parent right now without you, at worst feeding birds with my teeth wearing one of those jackets with the buckles in the back.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Great question! Answer for me....I didnt at first...then I started catching myself doing things differently. That was only the beginning! But it was a noticeable thing to me that let me know, yep, I am changing! You know as well as I that we are doing better. Doesnt mean we are perfect, doesnt mean we dont still "go south" on occasion (sometimes even often! ). But deep down, we know.
And even more, the people around us notice we are changing.
I went to a meeting the other day and a woman was there whom I had not seen at a meeting in almost a year and a half. When the meeting was over, she came up to me and she told me that I was sooooooo much better and happier than the last time she had seen me.
For me, seeing my recovery is like trying to watch the grass grow. If I look away for a short time and catch a glimpse of me in the mirrow in the morning...sometimes I see something new, something wonderful, something that just makes me smile. At these times I know. And I am so grateful, to my HP for guiding me to al-anon.
thanks for the post rtexas,
Keep coming back my friend. I love to watch the grass grow around here!
I still have good and bad days. Stuff still gets to me and I am not living with an active A anymore. It took me 45 years to get here. I do not expect to feel better yet and it has been 2 years for me in al-anon. But I am doing things differently. I get triggered have a meltdown. Reach again for my C2C and get past it.
Keep up the good fight! Anchor huh? Is there symbolism in that gift?
i think for me, i noticed that i was doing better, when OTHERS would say to me "gee rosie, ur kinda diferent and i LIKE the diference"....
OR i woudl see something myself...course i have my slips, but when i am progressing???sometimes it is soooo gr8 i can see it myself...
like i am not as angry as b4.....i am not living in my past anymore...oh i "look" at it when i am doing my step work/ inner child work, but i don't "stare" at it...u know what i mean?????
also i TREAT ME better.......that is the biggy for me.........peace/ rosie
lol you are a nutcase alright. To be honest hon, I believe you are hysterical.
I loved your post. Anchor, Anchor???? well I get rocks and driftwood and dead wood from my son for special days. (c:
Number one analying will make you crazy so stop it. I am glad you are being aware of how things are. For me that was the beginning of doing things different. I quit allowing a disease to make me feel anything. Not mad, not anything.
You probably read my wad of cancer thing, but again, when my A would be talking crap, it was the disease, a wad of cancer blah blah blah. I just detached, did not give it any thought, who cares what a diseased brain is saying? I sure don't. I would be sad and lonely becuz the disease would take over again, but I kept busy.
I never react anymore. I don't bother, waste of time. Plus the being mad or frantic or whatever only takes great energy you could use for fishing....
When my A was begging and conning and saying,"What can I do different?? How can I fix things?" Well duh, he knows. It is the disease talking, hoping to use me. NAH not me, take your disease and get outta here....so he did. And to jail he went.
Yes you are growing sir, no question. After awhile, if you detach and not get engaged with a stupid disease, it will come natural to leave the room, go take a shower, go read a book, go build something, fix something, go fishing, uno. put headphones on.
My A hated my computer. Lots of them do. tooo bad.
so take the anchor, tie a rope to it and take the disease fishing. tie the rope to the diseases leg and throw the anchor in....trouble is ya throw your wife you love in too. don't cha hate that??
So it is best to detach, and know there are different people living in your wifes body, and one of them you truly do not like, so don't be around them. It can be done....
I was just thinking of how kids when they are little and they say the funniest stuff, and they think they are so right. And ya just look at them incredulously. i do that with A. Like you really mean that??? geez. and I sorta twist my face and shake my head. The disease is an idiot.
So in saying that, when can we take all the kids fishing??? Love,debilyn who would sneak you scissors to cut yourself out of the jacket...after she was done with them
An anchor? - before recovery - I could have had several plans with an anchor for a gift!!!! lol - right upside the head of my ah! - then maybe tied to his ankle for a long swim - alas only to find out the problem would still be looking at me in the mirror - HA HA HA
Getting better - I think I am too - Cuz no matter what happens - my HP & I are going to have a pretty good day today -
Great post - thanks for sharing - Have fun with the anchor!!
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
). But deep down, we know.