The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It is rough right now. Comes a point that a vacation is not a want but a need. I love it here, I love my life. Just need to have a day or two or three to wake up to go back to sleep again. Not feed someone as soon as my feet hit the floor.
Doing my best to get my budget going. Struggling. But to be honest the day at a time works there. It is not that bad at all. But add it to the mix.
I have a nice, special tenant now. A cool lady from Germany. She has pot bellied pigs, two dogs and two cats. The house is real cute inside. She is a very, very nice person. I love having her there.
Sadly her dogs hurt one of my big sweet cats badly. I was hoping I could help but they bit his spinal cord. I did the meds but he started down hill.
Yesterday I layed him in the grass in the sun and sat with him. He was suffering. I could not stand it. I had to shoot him. I could not get him to the vet as he was suffering so much. I tried to do it five times at lease and would put my pistol down and cry and say Jehovah I just cannot do it. Then TomiT started really hurting and that was that, he came first, not me.
I feel I am in a whole different catagory now. Hard to explain. I have walked over a line now. I dragged myself into the house, sat in my recliner and passed out, gone, just like that. Maybe I fainted I don't know.
Later I went outside to hug dogs and their fur felt so warm and homey. Brought me back some. Talk about feeling alone. Who did I need? My husband. The beautiful man I married. shaking head. Seems he will never stop being my other half. Sadly now he is the rotting half.
Then last night I am having dreams of being with him, him loving me like he used to. Knowing he was going away, I held on tighter. I don't need him for money or a home or anything materiail. I need him becuz he is my soul mate since I was 17. That is not going to change, I am no longer sorry about that.
I keep it safe in my heart. But cont. to know he is gone for now and maybe forever. I really try to believe I could love someone else. I hope I can someday. But right now, even after all the bs, I would rather be along than marry someone else, and know in my heart who I really want to be with is the other half of me.
When things are at the worst, he is who I need. No wonder I am so down.
guess I will go back to my feather bed. Have not done that in years. had a bad thought how easy a pistol is, it is not messy, it is quick and the pain is gone. but I would never do that to my hp.
I can't think of any words that would be big enough to explain how sorry I am for your loss and your pain. Just sending you out lots of love and prayers.
You have been such an important part of my recovery. I am sure you know that you did all you could and did what was best for your small friend. I grew up in the country with lots of animals and it is never easy.
Know you are in my prayers.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I wish I had some words of wisdom that could take your pain away, but you know all the slogans and some days..well...they just don't work as well as other days and we just have to walk through it. I hope your tomorrow is brighter and that this day will be left behind as a memory, not one you have to live in..
(((hugs))) Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
So sorry about you cat. I can totally understand how you felt with your cat. I had to do the same thing with my dog Sunny the day before my wedding. I was hopping he would make it through the wedding to have some pic's with me and my dog on my day, me being selfish. he was 16 and on that morning he woke in so much pain from arthritis that he could no longer walk. Took him out behind the barns overlooking the valley where it is so beautiful and where he liked to chase the bulls.
I would also like to thank you for your share in it about your other half brought me a clarity I have not been able to find on my own. I have wondered why I am so connected to my hubby and wonder why I love him so much even though the man I love is gone. You gave me a light bulb moment and I would like to thank you from the bottem of my heart because it was haunting me as to why.
It is not easy to lsoe pet they are like family.I understand your grief feel the feelings and them let them go.You are loved and a big Texas size hug from Texas.
So sorry about TomiT. I have had to do much the same thing to animals in my life on several occasions in the past. I know just how hard it was for me. But like you, I had to put myself aside and do what was best to help end the suffering and pain of a friend.
Special hugs to you today my friend. ((((((((Deb)))))))))))
Yesterday I layed him in the grass in the sun and sat with him. He was suffering. I could not stand it. I had to shoot him. I could not get him to the vet as he was suffering so much. I tried to do it five times at lease and would put my pistol down and cry and say Jehovah I just cannot do it. Then TomiT started really hurting and that was that, he came first, not me.
oh debilyn, i feel for U with my heart......i am soooo sorry, can't offer much, but as a doggie rescuer, i have had to "put down" some sick puppies and older doggies, the saddest thing for me of LATE (i rescue labs) anway, this pound i work in, had this OLD abandoned choc lab female...she had this BIG tumour on her tummy and i just KNEW it was cancer, they tried to tell me it wasn't , i felt so sorry for the creature cuz her "mate" got adopted...so i took her home to "rest and die" i made a nest for her in the back yard and made her comfy, she could walk, and trot and was a nice little doggie......she got out of the yard....ran off, and i am frantically looking for her AS my old doggie, zoe slipped and fell and aged as she is, she had sprained a muscle in her back leg....she hasn't been right since and each day , now i see her fail...........anway, back to the old rescue doggie
the pound caught her and shes in the pound, i am walking it an di see her there, and i went up to the desk and i told them that i had rescued her and that she escaped and here i am , zoe is at home, can't walk on her back leg and needing me to nurture her and here is this dog, a "runaway" cuz she had to WORK to get out of MY fence....anyway, the pound where i live said, "if u dont' take her, we have to put her down cuz she is not placeable at her age, and with that bad tumour"......i had to walk away from her....no way could i cope with MY dog who was injured and this poor creature, so it was a heartbreaking call....walk away and she dies.....but i just could not go through another episode of her "taking off" on me, draining me, and taking my time/ energy off zoe, who was MINE
so i walked!!! i felt sick..i wanted to vomit...i got home and at least i felt safe cuz i knew WHERE she was...warm/ safe/ fed, adn soon to be put to sleep.....i have had my share of heart aches , rescueing dogs, but WAY more joy when i save a good dog from being euthanized and find him/her a good home.....THOSE are the things i dwell on, not the losses....
so yes, grieve, but then remember how much that cat was loved by U.....i admire U for doing the right thing....i have guns and if one of my "kids" was mortally wounded and NO way i could get the vet out here???? i would do the SAME thing.....it would shatter me , but sometimes loving something is sending it home....i believe in doggie/ kitty heaven........
sorry, didn't mean to ramble here, but i wanted to relate to ur share...........god bless u for ur heart and courage....i am soooo sorry for ur loss.........rosie
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved furry friend. I can't think of anything to say that will ease your sadness and heavy heart. I hope you get that vacation very soon.
Heal my friend, you are all in my thoughts and prayers.
I am very very sorry to hear of your cat. I am hoping your tenant will be able to manage her dogs. I do know they do need training not to chase and hurt cats.
I can also understand the loneliness and the need to have some respite. I hope you get some this summer. You have a heavy load with all those animals. I know since I am principal caretaker for all mine that I find it difficult.
I am glad that you have a tenant and that you will have some money coming in now. My own budget is very small. I have to work all the time on ways to save money and plan ahead.
I hope all your animals will find ways to nuture you and make you feel less alone because you are not alone and you are cared for and loved.
Sounds like you are grieving for your sweet animal and for your marriage. How I wish for the return of your soul mate. Noone can remove your pain but time and the morning sun but I hope sharing this sad period helps with the healing. I have learned and been inspired by your past posts. Hope you find comfort in knowing so many care.
