The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I finally understand all of these statements in the opening and closing statements of our meetings.. They are the foundation that sets the program. Which basically says to me, focus on the most important thing which is me. I have been caught in other stuff lately and its just not my stuff. Letting things get to me small things which makes no difference to me, and it affects my recovery. I get stressed out for no reason and i vent on that instead of doing what i need to do for my own sanity and safety. Seems so simple to say focus on yourself. When you were born into a family of alcoholics the last person you think of is yourself. So focused on thier actions to the point where its completely unbearable because i know for me if i didnt focus on the actions of my family i would always get a huge shock and i didnt like them. Then its learned outside the home. Becomes a way of life to put focus on what people do or say. It just doesnt matter what anyone else thinks or does. Its thier problem and they live with themselves. ITs taken me a really long time to learn this and i am just new in this way of thinking so it is definately not perfect. I have also been learning not to react and i have been doing it working my best to do it. This again is all i have known in my home. This change in me feels uncomfortable however im not as confused and as uncomfortable as i was last week so that has to mean something.
Talk to each other, reason things out with someone else, but let there be no gossip or criticism of one another. Instead, let the understanding, love and peace of the program grow in you one day at a time.
This has spoken to me this week. I also know that while i am focusing on what others say or do to the point i am stressed even tho it is stressful , it still keeps me from going to myself and that at times is way more scarier. I dont mean to take focus off me it just sometimes a relief to do. It is very famialiar and so it feels safe well it did in the past anyway.. I know this program is a self help program key word is self. I hope i can continue and learn how to do this along with the skill the hardest skill in the alanon program in my opinion and it is detachment. and also the hardest thing in the world for me is to think before i speak. I normally say whats in my head first thought and it wasnt always good most of time it wasnt was normally rude of a fighting statement. Im grateful i can think first now and realize what i am actually saying. Not perfect but progress
Thanks for listening
P.s. There comes a time in recovery, where the old behaviours just dont fit with who i am any longer, time to grow up. fighting hard to keep the old person fighting against growing. Make a decision to change and let the new person i am becoming in full force. Thats what i shall work on now
kerry
~ edited by request from the writer
-- Edited by tea2 at 11:30, 2006-06-20
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Life can only be understood backwards, But it must be lived forwards
Thank you for putting that out there. I have often found that portions of both make great meeting topics. I also volunteer to read them at my home group as often as possible so as I remember the messages they hold for our recovery.
Karen
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Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Love you all!
Karen
I LOVE the opening and closing - sometimes due to time our group uses the short closing
Whom you see here, What you hear here, When you leave here, Let it stay here
But I love the long closing - it so sums up the help that the program has - the part about not liking everyone but loving each of us, the same way we already love you - that was so special to me as a newcomer - I needed to feel loved and accepted somewhere -
Thanks for this post -
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
What a lovely share (((Kerry))) and I so relate. That same portion of our closing has been upfront in my mind also for the past few weeks. I have to continually remind myself it is not my job to change anyone but myself, that it is not my job to clean up anyone else's mess, just my own, to just focus on my side of the street. Sometimes it is very hard to do that, to just focus on self. I'm certainly not any more perfect than the next person (heehee), so I know I've slipped and criticised at times. Honestly, I don't know if criticism, when its constructive criticism, is a bad thing, but I've seen people don't care for it much regardless if it is meant in a helping way. I do believe we should be able to do as our closing states "talk to one another, reason things out" without their being repercussions for stating our own opinion. But hey, I can only control what I say and do, not what others do or say. *grin* I will say this, with all that has happened recently in my life, it has certainly brought our traditions and principles to the forefront and made me more aware, which can only be a good thing. I think much more carefully now (usually, heehee, here's that "not perfect" part of me again) before I talk and act. I find myself saying to myself, if you say that you will be like others who just talk the talk but do not walk the walk. And one thing I have always disliked immensely is a hypocrite. I do not want to be a hypocrite. I do not want to be one who says do as I say, not as I do. So I must truly focus on myself and watch what I am doing/saying. The most important thing for me in my own recovery is to focus on the principles of this program, not the personalities, and to speak directly of those principles, to live by those principles. Not my job to control anyone or anything else but myself. Isn't that what Al-Anon teaches us? The 3 C's - didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it. When I focus on others I'm doing the 4th C - Contributing to it, which isn't a good thing. Of course we come into this program with that behavior, wanting to control the unmanageable things, so yes, its hard sometimes to see when I'm doing that, but thankfully this program has given me the gift of Awareness and eventually I can see it if I'm doing it and then I can work on myself, get my focus back, let go and let god.
Thanks so much for this topic and share. Love ya!
Kis
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Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
Well, I just wrote about something that happened (after) a meeting and see now I should not have done it. I'm sorry! This is the problem for a newcomer. You walk in, obviously in the crisis that drove you to be there and it's all very foreign. It's impossible (for me) to figure it all out in an hour, or even two or three. The culture, the rhythm, etc. :(
So many things on my mind competing…and I just act like my organic self – processing an event by communicating, having forgotten all about the program rules, with the sea of other things…information I am trying to parse.
I too like to be reminded.I know how gossip can hurt ones in the program and hurt peoples recovery.I also like dont pick up someone 's package just yours ,it is about you not someone else.
I came into recovery to change someone else but I stayed cause of me.
The part of the closing that literally brought tears to my eyes in the beginning (and still does sometimes ):
"A few special words to those of you who haven't been with us long. Whatever your problems, there are those among us who have had them too........." and "You will come to realize that there is no situation too difficult to be bettered and no unhappiness too great to be lessened".
Those lines let me know what I most needed to know when I first found alanon. First, that I was not alone, that you all know me, that you all have been where I was at the time. And second, that in spite of how bad everything was, there was Hope for the future.
Thank you for this topic. I love the opening & closing parts too. I have to work on keeping myself aware of what I'm thinking in my mind before I speak. When I first came to Alanon, all my sentences started with, "He or She did this or that" Now if my sentences start with "I" then I know I'm making some progresss to keep the focus on me. I agree it is scarier to look at myself because all my life I've been so "other" focused. That is how I'm geared. It is a shift to change and focus on me. I also like the take what you like and leave the rest.
I can honestly say I do read them b/c I have to keep being reminded & re-programmed. As u sd, "it's what our Program is built on" & I need to hear it just as I need the air I breathe. In fact, I've saved the opening & closing statements as I was called upon spontaneously to run meetings before & trying to recall it from memory made me feel like a fish out of water for being an old timer.
I still feel green & learn something everyday, as I have many slips. It is a Blessing to witness other's realisations, thank you.
Love, -k
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
That's exactly why they are read at every meeting, because we all need the reminder as well as for the newcomer. They are not just an annoyance we have to put up with, they are well chosen words that we all need to hear, more often than we think. If we read them enough we memorize them and they become part of us.
Thanks Kerry, Great point!!
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
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