The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I’m sorry I called you, I tried and tried to be strong and my weakness prevailed. I hate myself for calling you, I hate so much now. Why couldn’t I have been stronger and said “you know what AA-X , what make you think I give a Sh*# about you” but no INSTEAD, I helped you because I thought you would have died in the weakest moment in your FU&*(&% life I assumed ----(people you know what happens when you do this) that we were progressing in our sick----- sick relationship. I mean really how many people would ask to attended your Fathers Funeral 800 miles away. WHY would I think there is anything between us? I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH NOW.
WHY I’M HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME WITH THIS!!!!!!!!!! IT’S OVER!!!!WHAT WAS I THINKING????? AND NOW, YOU WANT TO BE MY YOUR FRIEND BECAUSE I’M A NICE PERSON AND YOU MISS ME!!!! WHY ARE SO SELFISH??? WHY???? HOW DO YOU TURN IT OFF AND ON LIKE THAT??? I JUST DON’T GET!!!!! DO YOU JUST WALK AROUND HUMMING A CHEERFULL TUNE IN YOUR STU*(D HEAD DOES IT GO LIKE THIS
OH LA LA LA----- I’M IN AA NOW AND I’M BETTER AND I DON’T NEED YOU LA LA LA LA AND THANKS FOR YOUR HELP I’M MOVING ON AND DON’T NEED YOU OR WANT YOU BUT I WANT YOU IN MY LIFE BECAUSE YOUR SUCH A NICE PERSON….I’M FINE NOW -----LA LA LA LA. Do you stop and smell the ROSES now TO!!!!!
Tell me at what point in all this to you accept responsibility that you used me ???? Just wondering because you know your just so perfect now, humming and singing your little tune. Why can’t I sing a tune like you now you know the one , (everything is great now), why can’t I be strong like you , how is that you have no problems moving on . WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.
HP PLEASE HELP ME -----IT FEEL LIKE THE TOP OF MY HEAD IS GOING TO BLOW OFF.
I read your post and it was exactlty what I needed to read.
The short version is this I left my ex a in my life 3 years ago and we said we would work on our relationship as we did recovery.He was in aa and me in alanon.
He met some one in aa and I caught them together.Three years later they are still together.We all had a crazy time of it he call she call and i would call and it made us all real sick.
Finally we stopped and life went on.I heard yesterday that she is a speaker at a meeting comeing up here and for one momment I was there hurting wondering why we didnt make it work but I stopped and honestly I was happy she is still in recovery and doing ok.
As I read your post I wanted to say dont be so hard on your self I cant tell you how many times I did that to my self but take it one day at a time one phone call when you wanta call come here and people will tell you i wrote him letters here i let it all here and i didnt call him and it takes time and work but cut your self some slack and you can start over from right here.
If he is whisteling at you and laughing at you I dont know but I thought that for a long time and it got me pretty sick keep posting go to meetings and some day it will be a memory and it wont be just full of pain.
Glad you posted.... it helped me not to even call to say good job. thanks
I am with you too!!! By the way, you took my song and made it your ownjust kidding. I sung that song everyday for a year when my ex-A left me and to this day I wonder if he know's how much pain he caused me....hm.....but I don't think about that but once a year now! This soon will pass and it takes time..time...time....the pain is there because maybe there was no closer....no call from the A stateing that he was a worthless piece of sh@@!!!??? I HEAR YOU
Your anger, hurt, and frustration are huge right now, and I'm sorry to see that.... All I can offer is words of encouragement - first off, please go back and read the post by "Mobirdie" from four days ago, entitled "what addicts do".... It was written my an active addict, and gives great insight as to the whats and whys of how they behave.
Second - it is time to turn the focus onto you, and your recovery. He is doing what addicts do - he is using, and that includes anyone or anything that gets in the way of feeding his addiction. What isn't happening, and where your health and serenity comes into play, is that you need to dive into YOUR recovery now, with all your might. Al-Anon, posting here, reading good books on the subject (Getting Them Sober, volume one, by Toby Rice Drews is a great start).
Hope that helps.... as they say, our program is easy. It isn't simple, but it IS easy.
Take care of you
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
just kidding. I sung that song everyday for a year when my ex-A left me and to this day I wonder if he know's how much pain he caused me....hm.....but I don't think about that but once a year now! This soon will pass and it takes time..time...time....the pain is there because maybe there was no closer....no call from the A stateing that he was a worthless piece of sh@@!!!??? I HEAR YOU 