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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> hi guys !
Post Info TOPIC: hi guys !
Vicky R


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hi guys !
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hi guys , just discovered this part of the board ! been posting elsewhere on MIP . Great to see you all here .
I'm a long term Alanon member but consider myself still in the learning process , and don't really have just one A there are several situations that I've been using the programme to work on , and many of them have improved alot. I had a read around here and it looks great.

Ok so we can write on what we like on here that's Alanon related ? well currently I've come to feel worried that my boyfriend might be cheating on me , but I don't have any proof. You know when you see and feel things that make you feel things have changed ? I did ask him about it once and he says things "like who" , so that you can't get anywhere with the conversation . Or he'll drop a hint about something he feels that I do wrong myself , you know ? what I liked about him was he was kind of 'different' I thought , alternative something like that but if there is something else going on then maybe hes not who I thought he was ?

I'm not in the 'what did I do to cause it' space right now , but more the 'what do I do now' space. You know when you feel that things might have changed but still worry that is might look bad if you left someone when there isn't any 'evidence' something like that ? or if they are cheating whether you're supposed to work through it because they're unwell ? well I guess you woudn't have to but you know what I mean . I don't know whether this is alcohol related in his case particularly , he's not clearly an A , although some might debate it , as you probably know it's not always to do with how much someone drinks. But it's still to do with my patterns though , and I'm told in Alanon that I don't necessarily have to decide whether someone is an A or not . So my pattern is probably something like from what therapists have suggested that I don't speak up for myself enough and that I allow people to treat me badly but I can't always see that . Putting up a post can sometimes help though , even if it takes a while to work out . Anyway thanks very much for letting me post and look forward to reading your shares too ,

llol Vickyr x



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mebjk


Senior Member

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Posts: 274
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Hi, Vicky,
I'm so glad you found this Board! Welcome.
I have been in the Program for over 20 years. One of the things I have been learning lately is not to blame myself in relationships, but to trust what is all right and what is not all right for me. That has been hard for me to learn. For example, I was negotiating on my job about a possible merge situation. At an early point, the other party acted distrustful. For me, that was the point when I refused to negotiate any further. In my earlier years, I would have expected to go on with talks with a person who would not deal upfront with me. I was always the good girl.
Boy, it has taken a lot of work to get to this point for me, a lot of surrender. And that's not easy for me!
But I am so grateful for the life I have now, with thanks to all of you in the program, lots of face to face meetings, and working the 12 steps more than once.
Blessings to you, Vicky. I hope posting helped you today.
mebjk

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mebjk
maresie2


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1718
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Personally I have family who are alcholics and a boyfriend and really all his family who are alcholics.  Then I live next door to a family immersed in substance abuse then I deal with a landlord whose family was immersed in substance abuse. So I deal with a lot of dysfunctional people all the time. I include myself in that. I don't have an active substance abuse issue but I have plenty of my own issues. One of mine which al-anon helps me a lot with is to be isolated. I don't have many people who I talk to in a reasonable manner about what is going on for me. I did have a lot of people but I related to them in a very dysfunctional way. So I pulled back a lot and started over.


Like Mejik I no longer blame myself.  I treat each day as it is an opportunity to do better. I no longer beat myself up mercilessly because I don't have have what I desire.


I am so glad that you are here and can avail yourself of this wonderful resource. I have gained so much from being part of this group.


Maresie2


 



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maresie
Vicky R


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Posts: 18
Date:
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thanks very much mebjk and maresie , great replies ! Yes it has helped to post this . Of course I also have to ask 'what does he do right' as well isn't it. Well he has helped with things I've learned alot from him ,  he's a brilliant person in his own way , but he doesn't really seem to listen to me , or 'be upfront' as you put it , and yeah that can feel quite isolating . Not that I expect an encounter group 24/7 , but it's like when theres nothing much to go on , the connection goes something like that . It's also possible that other people might think he's upfront with them but I don't feel he is with me. And there doesn't seem to be much going on between us recently so maybe it's on it's way out anyway , thanks so much for letting me post , this looks like a great board in fact I got the idea of trying to describe this situation clearly from reading someone elses post , I've put it more clearly than I usually do. Interesting too , I don't really know for sure if he was cheating or half-cheating , apart from 'knowing the signs' , and now having said that I realise that it's the communication that's the point , so that's kind of good to understand it better ,


llol Vickyr x




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nycbt


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 810
Date:
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Welcome to MIP. You are not alone. There a lot of people who understand.


 


World Service Organization Website –


WWW.al-anon.alateen.org


Alanon meetings 1-888-425-2666


Al-Anon Family Groups UK & Eire
61 Great Dover Street
London
SE1 4YF


Tel: 020 7403 0888


http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/


Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html 


Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.



  • Go face to face meeting & online meeting.

  • post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

·        In this program u learn that u have choices. In Alanon we don’t give advice but only suggestions.


·        Set support system.  people do not judge. You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.



  • Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.


 

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
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