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This one has been a difficult one for me. What do you tell people that you haven't seen in a long time when they ask about your addict. Lots of them have no idea we are facing this rollercoaster in our lives. My first instinct is to tell them the truth but I usually lie and tell them he is doing fine. I hate to have to lie and I don't want to say "I have no idea how he is doing" because that just leads into the whole story and I can't say what first comes to mind is that he is making our lives a nightmare. Some things people just don't need to know.
We have a reunion today with some people I have not seen in almost 40 years. I'm very nervous about what to tell them.
Any input?
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
My opinion.... is to do your best to keep it similar to your recovery... focus mostly on you, and very little on him.... If they ask after him, answer honestly, as in:
"he's struggling with a few things right now, but I am doing well...."
"I'm not too sure where he is right now, but I am really pleased with what I have been doing for myself....."
"I'm really not too sure...."
I don't think you want to build up any sort of facade to anyone, as it just comes back to haunt you later...
Just my opinion.
T
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Well, my "A" is my hubby. So when people ask about him, it reall depends on who it is. If it is our friends that we both share from 12 step programs. I just say he is struggling and ask for prayer.
If people who don't really know about his addcitions ask, then I just say he is doing his own thing right now. And that is usually the end of us talking about him.
Hope you find the ESH you were looking for in the replies.
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
Hello MO , I used to hate that question too, once I got into Al-Anon I found the courage to say I dont know how he's doing but he's right over there u can ask him yourself and change the subject ask how they are doing instead. Or if he didn't go with me to funtions I used to say he was so busy working he couldnt make it but I learned to just say I don't know why he didn't come today next time u see him u can ask him yourself . Works like a charm
You will be suprised at how much more relaxed you are when u do this , u don't have to remember what bs lie yo told to this one or that one , hehe and can actually enjoy your reuion ' good luck have fun . Louise
I'm coping myself on what to say to whom and when....but I'm pretty open about things myself and I've given up lying to save his tush. Mine is big enough to cover and poses a full-time position for me as it is!
I hope you have a lovely time and find the best way to handle the situation for you...
Unless friends know what is going on, I just repsond like they would if they were just asking it in general. I assume no one knows about my hubby's addiction outside of the people we have told. Therefore, I can honestly say: "He's fine, a bit under the weather, etc." Whatever makes him us most comfortable. To me this isn't about lying, it's about protecting our privacy. Frankly his recovery and mine are nobody's business but ours, unless we choose to make it so.
Live strong,
Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
