The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just wanted to share this with you. Hubby and I have been going AA meetings this week. I can tell you it is one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced. We found some afternoon and night meetings that are not far. Now there are alot of stairs in the churches, but by gosh that did not stop us.
As I sat there and listened to the other addicts share, I was amazed, encouraged, sadden, surprised, and awstruck by their shared experiences. I was welcome when hubby introduced me, and told them that I was there to support him. I wasn't sure if he was going to share as his speech is slurry from the siezures, and the cognitive functions aren't all there all the time. But he did it! I could tell it was coming from the heart. He was brave enough to do a reading. 2 years ago there was no way he would do this, if he couldn't do it perfectly. I am so proud of him.
Going to these meetings has also given me a perspective on the addict that I haven't had. Yes, I've been to a few before, but perhaps at that time I really wasn't listening. This time it was different, perhaps because I have grown and changed. What I heard was the struggles, the hope and the huge amount of guilt the addicts have for the pain they have inflicted on their families.
I guess what I am trying to say, is that from the other side, we are entitled to be angry, hurt, and all those emotions that come from living with this disease. I am not defending them and what they have done to us. But I am coming to understand more and more what they go through. Not every addict is a lousy human being. They have an insideous disease that is cunning, baffling and down right nasty. But the addict is also courageuos, gentle, frightened, stubborn, funny, loving, intelligent, and sometimes ruined inside. (I'm not just talking about my A.) There was a lot hope in the meetings, and a lot of hurt. I honestly believe that if I was an addict, I don't think that I could do it. I would succumb to the disease. I was humbled and honored to be there and listen to their stories. I did cry during some of theirs. I sat there with pride as hubby shared.
Be kind to your As. I know they have inflicted a great deal of pain on us. The path to our recovery is long and hard, but there is hope. There is always hope. But the path to their recovery is just as hard, if not harder at times due to their addiction. I think going to the meetings will help me in my recovery and working the steps. I would hardily encourage all of you, if you can, if you feel comfortable, to find and open meeting and listen to people. It will give you a perspective that you may not have had before. It may not. But if you go in there with an open mind, I think you will be surprised. Just like when I share things with my hubby from my side. He hasn't realized what he has done, or how this disease has affected me. It has certainly strengthened us, our committments to our own recoveries, and to each other. It's been amazing. :home:
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Sober hubby & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I too attend open AA meetings, when I can fit them into my schedule...and made a committment to attend an AA Big Book meeting through a cycle wherein we read through the book.
I have found for me, that there are so many similiarities between myself and "those a's" that I need to be in those meetings as well as my Al-anon meetings. I don't have a problem with alchohol addiction, but I have other "mental addictions" that fit right in there!
And as you say, the understanding we get of what "they" go through is so much more deeper when we actually listen to their stories and experience their ES&H.
I too would recommend al-anon members try going to an open AA meeting or two.
Another great tool for us to use for our own recovery.
Have a great day everyone, and thanks again Karilynn
I will second this - AA meetings can be extremely moving. I have also, when in a situation where both AA and alanon members speak (such as a roundup) often heard from AA members how much THEY get, from listening to US. It's a safe way for each side to share their experiences, without the defensive hurt that may come from talking this out with your own A.
I could not agree with you more!! - Open AA meetings were and still are awesome for me - it was in those meetings that I learned to accept the concept of the "disease" of alcoholism/addiction - before that I was stuck in the thinking of it being a choice.
Thank you so much for your post & your courage to share your recovery with your hubby.
Blessings to you and yours,
Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Thank you for sharing that experience. I too have felt a welcoming presence when I go the AA meetings and you are right it helps shed some perspective on what the addict is going through. I'm happy for you guys that this experience this time is different. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
Twinmom~
__________________
"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Great to hear! I have been to some open AA meetings - some without my A and some with. They really do help you see things from the other side. Many of the stories so similar as our many of our own alanon stories. I really enjoy the special anniversay meetings where they often have both AA and Alanon speakers. Actually more common in CT. Here in NY where we are AA and Alanon seem to be kept more separate (almost like enemies) so sad as we can gain so much more perspective if both the A and loved ones are given the opportunity to see both sides of the issue in a neutral zone. Wish this area had more combined social get togethers also. In CT they had alcohol free dances and stuff where you could go as a couple and socialize without the temptations.
I love hearing stories like yours and your husbands. I tried for so many years in my past to be kind to my ex-A and all I ever wanted was for him to recover so he can have a fulfilled life like you both are experiencing, exploring, and learning to have together. There is hope for some and you are blessed. Your husband is blessed. Hey, I am blessed too but just in a different way...I have gained experience and wisdom and I can help others grow including myself. There is hope for everyone out there and it is so amazing how a bad always works its way right into a good....
Thank you so very much for your post...hub has asked me to attend, just didn't know how I would feel there....you have encouraged me to attend a meeting with him....
So glad you and hub are working it out.....you are always in my prayers....
I love AA meetings especially 12 and 12 meetings, I get so much out of them. You get a differt perspective, and can give you such hope! take 12 steps any way you can get it!
Josey
__________________
Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
I will never forget the first NA meeting I went to. I found a new understanding of just how much the addict is hurting. Yes we hurt but theirs is so much deeper. It also helped me to understand how to detatch with love. I saw so many young members at that meeting that had dug themselves into pits of misery so deep that they could not see a way out. I do good trying to deal with one thing at a time I can't imagine the stamina it takes to deal with so many things at once and still improve.
__________________
Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
But the path to their recovery is just as hard, if not harder at times due to their addiction. I think going to the meetings will help me in my recovery and working the steps. I would hardily encourage all of you, if you can, if you feel comfortable, to find and open meeting and listen to people. It will give you a perspective that you may not have had before. It may not. But if you go in there with an open mind, I think you will be surprised. Just like when I share things with my hubby from my side. He hasn't realized what he has done, or how this disease has affected me. It has certainly strengthened us, our committments to our own recoveries, and to each other. It's been amazing. 
:home:
that I need to be in those meetings as well as my Al-anon meetings. I don't have a problem with alchohol addiction, but I have other "mental addictions" that fit right in there! 