The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
OLd tapes play in my head all the time. I used to think that this was normal. That it was certainly reasonable to allow past experience to affect the way I think today, the things that I do today, the way I react today.... then I found Al-Anon. Oh how tricky this makes things... yeah I know... keep it simple... but, well now I just thought "not EASY ...SIMPLE..." you are all just way to smart..LOL So, anyway, I guess it is simple, just NOT easy. Trying to stay out of denial, not allowing old stuff to affect me today, but.... well SIMPLE but not EASY.... If a behavior, word, action had a connection in the past to my husband's using/drinking in the past, then it creeps up today, everyday in everything... for the fact of the matter, before he found sobriety his disease drove his every word, action, movement...
Trying to trust, trying to stay in today, trying to turn it over...
Almost midnight here...and a perfect time for my head to just run on it's own also except that I was told that I am responsible for what my brain thinks. I was surprised at that because my head had always run itself and I had no say on how and what. I did try the responsible thinking thing and guess what??? It's really true. Today I can stop the old tapes from playing and rerunning (mostly resentments and fears) and choose a thought that I would like to entertain and follow thru on and expand on rather than to sacrafice all the time and space for things that are way and hell gone out of the realm of control. Of course I've got more years experiences with my sick mind running out of control than not but with practice I will be more the creator and supervisor of my thoughts that past, present, future events I have absolutely no control of. Much of it isn't real anyway and not very entertaining in the least. If it was a movie it could only be showing in a theater with one seat and you know who's it would be right?
Stop trying and practice, practice, practice what works. It's okay with HP and everyone else that you do it and you don't need anyone's permission. Thanks for the honest and trusting share.
Yes, yes, yes ! Can I relate. Did I have an issue with ...SIMPLE...!!! At 1st, when I heard this word, I'd say Yea,right, maybe for you. There was no way I even imagined it possible. But, I worked at it for a long time to combat the tapes and one day, finally, started weeding them out. How true not easy is. Was alot of work and well worth the hard work to start to accomplish.
I used the slogan This too shall pass alot. Learning not to put the energy into those thoughts is surely not an easy task.
Glad you shared this. And may blessings to you. There is lite at the end of the tunnel. Peace
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I tell myself when times are rough, "this to shall pass!!!" Ask HP for guidance, if the door is open, and I know how to look, I will become aware! I also visit http://www.inspiringthots.net/ . Blessings , Your sister in Recovery
There's an old line from a song that says: "What's hard is simple, what's natural comes hard." That's me to a T! I can get the hard stuff, always have always will. But the stuff that is "supposedly" simple, is not that simple.
What helps me to stay on track with it is something that my Dad use to do with his students. He was a swimming and diving instructor. It use to drive him crazy that when it came to getting the complicated dives down, the kids had no problems. But when they were required to do a more simple, basic, fundamental dive, 9 times out of 10, they flubbed it. Why? It suddenlt dawned on him, that when you're up however many feet and facing a pool of water, you don't really have time to think about all the moves you need to do a really complicated dive. At some point you just have to let go and do it. Trust your instinct and training. So if that worked for the most complicated dives, why couldn't it work for the simplest of dives. The ones that only required to tuck in, etc? He came up with a slogan: "Dive stupid." Another words, think before you leap, but don't over think it. Otherwise, you'll get messed up.
So I try to "Dive stupid." Not always easy, but when I let go and just do it, it seems to work better. I have literally stopped myself in the middle of doing something and said "Dive stupid." It works! Letting Go is a huge part of this, and trusting HP that all will be well. I will be practicing this slogan alot next week, as I go back to work. First time I will leave hubby since he's been back from the hospital. That's a bit scary. But I'm going "Dive stupid." if it kills me! lol
Thanks for such a thought provoking share, and reminding what I need to do.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I, for one, am hardly smarter than, or more recovered than anyone else.... I think what DOES help, is applying our learnings that we gain in our recovery, applying the slogans, even if at times we are using "fake it till you make it" kind of approach. The principles of the 12 Steps, Traditions, our slogans, etc., are very powerful to us all, if we choose to use them. In using them, we develop growth, understanding - and ultimately, our lives start getting better...
A saying that I LOVE with respect to focussing too much on the past, is:
"It is okay to look at your past, just don't stare".
Our past helps make up who we are today, but it is only one piece of the puzzle. You have the choice to be as healthy as you want today...
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
For me the "old tapes" are so habitual if I don't consciously and with considerate awareness work DAILY to actively choose new behaviors & new thoughts, the mind falls back into old programming.
I read once; the mind is stupid, it is like a radio receiver, it scans & starts picking up signals or a "station" ~ if you don't choose your thoughts, thoughts will choose you, as we just have many things on a 'loop' and hear them over & over - like brainwashing.
That's why I like to use the word 'programming' because I can reprogram my mind any way I like & I know this logically. If I don't wake up & willingly surrender my mind to new & healthier thoughts w/ active intention, the old crappy word from the past from abusers creep back.
I also know logically, with enough practise my mind will adopt new thought patterns on it's own & it is happening, slowly but still, if I don't work it, just like the Bunny Hop (reversed), it's one hop forward, 2 hops back.
Practise, practise, practise ~ Amen to that, it is the truth! A great reminder for me too. If I don't work my Program & pray, the passed will grab me & take me down a sad, lonely hopeless road of depression.
Focusing on what I am grateful & appreciative for & my other gifts & Blessings helps me. Thinking about what I don't have or want only reinforces that & brings more of it to me... focusing on what I want, will manifest that into reality.
Lots of love to you, you are worth it! -Kitty of Light
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Peace
