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As many of you now, my AH and I have recently reconciled after a 6 month separation. I am having trouble with trust. Trusting myself, trusting others (including my Ah) and trusting my HP. Was looking for any ESH on trust that you all might be willing to share. I do believe that a break down of trust is typical in alcoholic relationships, and as we know this disease permeates all areas of our lives, not just the relationship with the A..
Thanks in advance for you ESH....so glad to be able to reach out for it.
Hi, confused, Thanks for your post. It's a great one for us, I think. Over my years in Alanon, I have learned that I have issues of trust in me that don't have anything to do with anyone else. That's one thing. And I've also learned that when trust has been broken, it has to be built up slowly again. I have one A in my life that I've known for 8 years now, and sometimes I still dredge up old stuff in myself. I am learning to focus more on being a person who can be trusted, and to make sure I find "safe" people to share my own stuff with. I think trust can be earned, and each of us earns it by showing each other who we are, by our actions. If the A is learning new ways to be, then so are we. Trusting myself is something I'm learning to grow into now, especially. I have learned that I often "get into trouble" the most when I don't trust my own instincts. For me, that is also related to self forgiveness. If I goof up, then I have to forgive myself. I don't know if any of this helps you at all, but it is my ESH, and all the growth and learning I've gotten from working the Steps and going to meetings, and working with a trusted person, my sponsor. This Program really works! Blessings and prayers for you and your A, confused... mebjk
Hello confused , trust to me is easy today I keep it simple , I trust God and Me period . If I stay in that frame of m ind it dosent matter what another persons agenda is I know I am going to be okay regardless of what they do. I trust God to help me stay in reality to see things as they really are so i can make informed decissions. Taking care of me is going to meetings f2f staying close to my sponsor and keeping focused on my needs. Take a chance you got nothin to loose . Louise
Trust, once broken is difficult to mend. I want so terribly to trust my A son but so much has happened that I doubt seriously that I will ever trust him completely. I have to constantly remind myself that the bad things that are happening are the result of the addict and not my son. Making that seperation is very hard sometimes. I know my son would not intentionally hurt me or my feelings but at the same time I am positive that the addict in him will.
My sponsor told me that once I can trust myself again it will become easier to trust him. I really want to believe that but it's difficult. As human beings we tend to focus on the bad times much more than the good times and once hurt it takes a long time to mend. I have found that during times of doubt and mistrust I usually build the outcome up much larger than it is and in a lot of cases the stress I put on myself is entirely unnecessary because the outcome seldom is as drastic as I build it up to be. I try very hard not to take on the role of fortune teller.
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
As many of you now, my AH and I have recently reconciled after a 6 month separation. I am having trouble with trust. Trusting myself, trusting others (including my Ah) and trusting my HP. Was looking for any ESH on trust that you all might be willing to share. I do believe that a break down of trust is typical in alcoholic relationships, and as we know this disease permeates all areas of our lives, not just the relationship with the A.. Thanks in advance for you ESH....so glad to be able to reach out for it.
>>>>>>>>>.i have trust issues too........trusting me, others, and YES, my HP.......but ya know, i just drug out the steps...program...meets, and when i SAW the REAL UNconditional love i got in the program i am SLOWLY learning that i CAN, after CAREFULLY watching the person, "one step at a time" i CAN trust........
when i was a child i was abandoned/ sexually assaulted by my own father/ beaten/ denied ALL my needs.....i was soo enmeshed with my perp who possessed me that i had NO clue as to self or hp, or ANYthing but evil....so trust went out the window......
with this program, and my honesty with myself/ hp, and my willingness to change me/ openess to HEALTHY love, i am slowly learning that i CAN trust ***SAFE*** others.....but they gotta SHOW me i can trust them......THAT takes time and a good track record......
hang in with us.....u will, ONE day at a time, get a better relationship with U, HP, and LIFE.......peace/ rosie
I am still working on the whole trust issue with my "A". Sadly I have found it easier to trust others than my own husband.
I am open and honest with my "A" and tell him where I stand. Sometimes he gets mad, but then after he calms down he says that he knows it will take a while to rebuild that trust.
I take it one day at a time.
I truly believe that all things are possible with the help of HP.
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
