The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just had to share how this program really has helped me. This year began as a total roller coaster. I am sober 2 years now. My husband of 17 years was sober for one year (last year) without any program, and on January 1 of this year (his one year anniversary) decided he wanted to drink again, thought he could socially. Well, it took exactly 10 days for him to come home promptly drunk. It was horrible, so so so disappointing and I thought that would be it. Well, no chance. It spiraled into a horrible drunken spree for a long time, until I finally could not watch it any longer, and left for two months. I thought that he had a spiritual experience during the time I left, and he called and begged me to come back, that he needed me. I waited a couple more weeks, then moved back home.
Well, since I have been back, he has been not so bad as before, but did begin drinking again. I was stronger this time, not as devastated as earlier this year. He came home one night last week crying and sobbing - saying "what have I done?". I hugged him and gave him compassion, told him he knew where to go to get help.
Then, Saturday night he promptly went out and stayed out all night. I was worried and reacted horribly when he came home at 6 a.m. - screamed and raged at him. Let down again. I finally left, called a girlfriend, and then spent the day by myself, checked out some books on Codependency at the library.
Thank God for this board, my God and people that are going through the same thing. Yesterday, I read "the Awakening" posted by someone here, and it spelled out everything that I needed to hear. I am peaceful now, calm and serene. I am still not ready to give up on him, but I am not going to let him drag me down with him. I KNOW now that I am miserable worrying about what he is doing, and reacting all the time. I know that I have to take care of myself, and I am really not used to it, but things will get better.
Thanks, everyone for posting and being here. This is absolutely essential. From feeling like a total nutcase to this joy of letting go is so wonderous! This place really shows you the tools to live and live in peace, no matter what happens!!!
Welcome to walking Miracles in Progress! We also have a chat room open 24/7 & on-line meetings twice a day there.
It sounds like you are sticking to boundaries already & are growing in your own recovery, it is wonderful to hear & I am proud of you. You are not alone. Sometimes it is difficult to hold your resolve when you don't find any validation, surely you will find a lot here. For me, it is nice to simply be heard & understood.
I too thank God for this site, HP always having my back (even when I don't) & the wonderful friends here.
Truly it's a Blessing to see a new member so strong, clear. I'm sorry your A has slipped, it can be a devastating time but you obviously have tapped right into detachment & was able to offer compassion... another Blessing. We too have slips. I have to remember to dust myself off, forgive myself for being a loving human that doesn't feel comfortable self-nurturing, forgive myself for it all & keep trying. I have to surrender all the time.
Your post is an inspiration to me ~ wanted to let you know how much I appreciated it
Love in Recovery, -Kitty of Light
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Many alcoholics never get to their codependent issues so I commend you for having the strength and willingness to look at them. This board goes through ups and downs with access to different things. I know I have problems with my computer overall the same as eveyone else does. I give this room a lot of kudos for being there, for being measured and for being present for me when I was in "crisis". These days I am not in crisis and I have many challenges in life, same as the rest of us. I can't say I choose willingly to live with an a, if I had more money and more choices I would make different choices. But right now I do choose to live with an A and detach. I hope to at some point have better choices for myself, choices I can live with.
I do know the more I recover (and it is layers of recovery) I make different choices of who I surround myself with but I always keep coming back to this board. Today I started to give up on beating myself up for not being more together on many levels. I am under stress on many many levels living with an A. I am however under a lot less stress these days because I take care of myself better and one way to do that is to spend lots of time here and let the precious esh of this group sink in.
