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Haven't posted in a while...after Memorial day weekend with AH, things were going really well.....MIL had back surgery, and i went to the hospital and spent all day there with her Tuesday. I saw my husband leave from there, as he spent Friday through Tuesday at home. Tuesday morning, we took seperate cars to the hospital. He told me to call him when she got out of surgery, and I did. He told me he would be over after he showered...at the place he was staying.
He never showed up. I went to work on Wednesday, went to see MIL at the hospital, and set off to go to a F2F meeting. I went past the place he was staying, since it is just down the street from the meeting, and saw him outside on his cell phone. I turned around, with the intention of just saying "HI".
Things did not turn out so well.....
I went in, and there stood some strange female. OMG...I have mentally prepared myself for many things...this was never one of them. ANYWAY, he had not been drinking, but she was, and he swore they were just friends. I got in her face, and asked her twice if she slept with my husband. Judging by the disgusted look on her face, I don't think she had. At that time, I turned to my spouse, and asked who the hell this woman was. She piped in, saying HE IS MY BEST FRIEND!! I asked him how long he has known her, and she piped in again, saying 5 yrs...he is just helping me out......I have a boyfriend.
This went on and on, with me reminding my husband that I have been a good wife...making the money, taking care of our kids, and THIS was the kind of person that gained his attention. I told him to get his things a go home. As the conversation persisted, in a heated manner with my husband, this THING kept butting in. I finally turned to her and told her to GET OUT.....no response....I told her again, that she needed to leave, since this was not about her. She said "I ain't f***ing going anywhere". I told her to stand there and keep her mouth shut then, because she didn't want to mess with me.
In that moment, she said to me "Hey...i am sorry...if you want to hit me, go ahead." I laughed at her, and told her I wasn't going to hit her.....I then turned to my H, who stood there silently, and said "can you believe this woman is telling me to hit her?" She said it again two more times, and I finally just snapped.. 10 minutes into my appearance there, i popped her in the mouth. I told her "There...you got what you wanted....now are you happy?" I turned back to my husband, and she went for the phone. I thought she was calling for a ride.
I told my husband that I was done. NO MORE. When would I ever have come in contact with someone like this girl...a bartender, no less. I told him that HIS choices had brought me face to face with this female, and it was bullshit. WHEN WAS HE GOING TO HELP ME OUT? When was I going to have a hero???? This female kept coming at me after i popped her....saying "Now i get to hit you! I am pressing charges! I am going to hit YOU now." She never landed a punch.
Needless to say, she called 911 and hung up on them. They responded, and I am facing an assault charge. LUCKY me. I should have just gone to that meeting. It was just the way things fell....he was outside, I happened to see him, and the rest is history. I am not angry that he was with this woman, but that it is just another representation of how my husband has decided to live his life.......and the choices he has made. All outside of our marriage and family.
I am so angry....angry at myself for giving in and playing into her hands....angry that my AH is home with me now, but of course, tonight, at the bar.
oops, hey girl you are human remember, sure it would have been more appropriate to go to the meeting instead of clobbering someone.
BUT crimany, you have been with mil which is stressful, A did not bother. You happen to see him all free and hanging with some woman. I cannot say I would not blow it either.
Sometimes our imperfectness gets ahold of us, uno? So forgive yourself.
Hey I prayed NOT to get into anything with my A's sister and ended up getting knocked down by her open car door.
Anyway forgive you and go on please!! love,debilyn
thats awful that you are facing an assault charge, I am really sorry to hear that. I know that hitting her probably wan't the right thing to do, but I am sure most people wouldn't blame you and would do the same thing if they were in your situation.
If you don't mind me asking, what was your Husband doing when this lady was all up in your face? He didn't tell her to back off?
in all honesty, he stood there...as if i was just supposed to understand...and did nothing, until i told her to get the hell out.....when i looked at him and asked him if I heard her right, he shrugged.
He stood there like he was in shock....and did nothing...like the spouse he has always been.
when i found out my ah was cheating on me i called his"thing" and long story short told her just never ever come to my house. 2 days later she was there. i came home to her standing in MY hallway. looking back i have to laugh but at the time i really thought my head was going to explode. i chased her down my stairs and then proceeded to follow her in my car very very closely at which point she called the cops on me! when we finally stopped and i explained to the officers just what this dingy b*!$% had done they were very sympathetic, luckly. my ah did nothing to protect me from her or from himself. it was a nightmare. something out of an episode of "cops". not one of my finer moments. at the time i had been in the program for about 4 months. gosh the things that happen and that we survive. i think you did the exact right thing in the moment. good for you for being your own hero. i bet you've been his right along. now you can be your own. i think that charge is ridiculus and hope the law thinks so too. you did what many of us only dream about so thanks for your share and stay strong.
I had an encounter with my AH this weekend. We have been separated and I have similar feelings about his lack of concern for anything but himself. In fact, we started hitting each other (never done anything like this in 32 years of marriage). At first I was blaming myself for being immature (I am immature and shouldn't hit) but then I realized that there were two of us in this fight. Silence and lack of action on their part is participation too! When I was screaming and at my worse, the thought crossed my mind that my HP was trying to show me how ineffectual my actions were. I think that my HP was trying to show me that I had a chance to change what I do. I also think that in recovery we make mistakes and that this is ok. The next time something comes up (hopefully not a woman thing) you will be better prepared and much stronger.
