The material presented
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level.
I just found this forum... and i'm hoping that writing to all of you is going to help me start calming all the fire and panic and fear inside me. It feels so foolish that I'm this upset, this emotional right now. I just can't settle myself.
My story is that almost 2 years ago I got divorced from my A, moved, got a better job, started fresh. It's been lonely being in a new place and until New Year's I still talked to my ex almost every day. He still wants me back even though he still hasn't been able to rebuild his life - it drives me crazy but a large part of me wants him back, wants to have someone again, to not be alone.
I cut down contact dramatically at New Year's - found the strength mainly because I started dating someone. Started having all kinds of crazy crazy emotions. It's like I've been shut down for years. I literally started dreaming again, started feeling again. But I have no control over my feelings and they go up and down daily, if not more frequently. I was never very emotional before, I don't think. But I am now.
The new relationship ended a few weeks ago in large part because I've been acting bonkers. To give myself credit I think I chose him, or connected so strongly with him because he is angst ridden, emotionally unavailable and drinks a lot. My way of dealing with the ex for a long time was to try and socialize with him... and help him with his problems. So in a funny way this felt like the way it's done.
I'm having a really hard time letting go of this recent relation, i think of him frequently. AND i'm still in contact with the ex and he's been calling more - sensing my distress i guess. Even worse, i want him to call. No matter how much i try to go to friends to try and stabilize my need for support is just too much. How have i grown so needy?
Last night on the phone i told an old friend (who lives 3000 miles away) about how lonely and unloved i'm feeling and how much i'm acting out and overly emotional. She asked me to try and think of something i'm proud of myself for doing before going to bed and I couldn't pinpoint anything. I know in my head that i've got a lot of accomplishments and possibility but i just can't feel it. i can't at all and I don't know what the next step is. I can't call her back and say it didn't work. Can't keep whining and whining can I?
I've always been the stable strong one and I'm losing it... I don't know if this is really an alanon issue or something else. I know most of you are the strong stable ones too... i'd appreciate any advice, any way to stop the brain and regain some confidence...
Sorry this first post is so long... and Thanks... Lux
Been there, done that and bought into the low or no self worth thing. Every human being has worth. Try a gratitude journal. Write down 5 things you are grateful for today. Even if it is that you have a roof over your head and food on your plate. Focusing on what you do not have makes you feel worse. I read a book called change your luck by Dr. Richard Wiseman. Try and pick it up or read al-anon C2C. Everyone sits on the pity pot every now and then.
Hello, Lux, I'm so glad you are here. You are indeed in the right place! Alanon has saved my life, given me a life where I am happy and free, and I would never have been able to live like this without Alanon. But it has been a lot of work. It has taken me years of work, which continues today. What is the work? It's been about learning about who I am, separate from anyone else. I have gone to many, many, many face to face meetings. I got a sponsor early on in the program, someone who would listen to me, helped me work the 12 steps, and who was a safe person for me. I could tell her anything. At meetings something very healing happens, something really happens in those face to face meetings. I am working the 12 steps for the second time now, and new things are coming up. This is an amazing program. It works, if you work it! Keep coming back, Lux. Blessings and prayers, mebjk
Well, you are in the right place, but sorry to say that I am not stable and a bit of a nut myself. But hey, that lets me know I belong. And I so fit in here, and that is so awesome. To fit in as a misfit.
Anyway. Focusing on me, and less on my "A", or other people for that matter is what I love so much about alanon. No matter how hard I try focusing on someone else had never done me any good. Focusing on me isn't always comfortable, but has been a great accomplishment and very rewarding.
Keep coming back. This is a safe place to grow and find strength.
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
