The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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so my a and myself and the kids went to the movies today. i was taking the kids anyway and he asked yesterday if he could come along. i said ok. i don't feel comfortable leaving them with him alone so this worked. and i had our tickets ready so if he didn't show we would go anyway. he showed. it was all nice. i mean considering. this is all new to us. we went from happy family one day to seperated, moved and abandoned the next. literally. so, i know this will take some getting used to on all our parts. presonally i think i will feel more comfortable when the divorce is final. i don't even know if he believes we are getting divorced. anyway. it was hard when it came time to leave. to watch him kiss and hug the kids. for him to say he has to call for a ride and for me not to say "we'll drop you off". or worse" why don't you come over and have someone pick you up later or tomarrow..." but i didn't. because i didn't want to. because i know that i can deal with my life and my kids. and the really neat thing is when i started to waver in my mind i would look up and see an alanon friend. i saw 2. one stopped me and gave me a big hug. it's not a giagantic mall but that's never happened before! even still riding home i questioned myself. i think it was my mother's voice (lol) thinking that i should have at least given him a ride back to his mother's where he is living because it was on my way.... but that would have really sent me to a bad place in my mind and opened up a entire can of worms. not to mention the confusion for the kids and for my a. so i think i did the best thing but i want to put it out there because my best thinking got me to some really awful places. any esh?
Sounds like you handled the whole situation beautifully!
When I have a question about whether I am detaching or just being cold, I look at my motives. If my motives are about my self-care, then I am detaching. When they are about hurting the other person, then I know I am not detaching with love.
I didn't hear you say in your post anything that indicated your purpose was to hurt him, or teach him a lesson or anything of the sort--your motive was only to protect you + kids. Sounds like detachment with love to me!
Way to take care of you. You sound like you are putting the program into practice in earnest in your life. Seperations & divorces can be difficult and often times confusing. Way to use your head and not your heart. Way to break the chain of this disease for your kids.
Even though Im sure it must have been difficult - give yourself a pat on the back for your courage and conviction.
Karen
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Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Love you all!
Karen
I think you did great with all of this definitely detachment and not cold. I read your post and it came across as a very caring person who is now looking out for her kids and her own needs first. Nothing wrong with that Sere. Luv Leo xxx
