The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Can anyone tell me how you are supposed to cope with this? we have been married for 36yrs ,he was a great dad to our 2 kids ,and a great husband ,until 3yrs ago he took to the drink,we are not together now ,i feel as i have lost my whole life,trying to keep our house and look after myself i find hard,we had a good life together having 3 or 4 holidays a year,i feel cheated:
hi ollie and welcome home. you made a wonderful first step by coming here. stop in the chat room (link up above in the yellow) you will find answers here and ways to cope. im sorry for what you are going through i send you (((hugs))) and prayers. this program can definatly help you if work it. take care
your sis in recovery
notsonew:)
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stay in the now...dont look forward, dont look back....your life is what you make of it
I am trying to find out as much as i can about this wonderful site,just being able to talk to people who truly understand ,friends and family are dissapearing fast,so knowing i do have people out there i can relate to is a real comfort
I'm glad you found us. This is a great place to be. I too am sorry you are going through this. It is definately a season of loss and grief in your life. I am thankful you have good memories to help you along as well. The drink is devastating, especially if we go it alone. It will take you a little bit of time (not too long though) to gain some understanding of alcoholism and its impact on us. You have discovered a sad reality, people drop away like flies during a crisis. Here, you will have acceptance, love, encouragement and support. This is a family, and I welcome you.
I will hold you in my prayers and encourage you to come to online meetings if you can. I look forward to 'meeting' you one day!
Feeling cheated is natural, and one of the many steps of grieving that most of us go through. Unfortunately, it is also indicative of where your focus is - on him and his alcoholism. I would encourage you to seek out a recovery program for YOU, to get you back focussed on the single most important person in your life...... YOURSELF.
Al-Anon meetings, sponsorship, and boards like this one are an excellent start.
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Your name reminds me of what my brother in law calls our son, for what reason I'll never know. I know what you mean about the disappearing friends and family. In my case it was a matter of not wanting to bring on another reason to party and end up stumbling drunk.
I left my husband in October and was so relieved to get away. So when the depression set in I was so confused. I wanted out but I had to mourn how I thought our life would unfold. Keep your focus on you and do what you like to do. This site is important to us all because here we are not alone. Visit often and share often.
I know about feeling cheated. I used to think about all the stuff he wasn't doing. Not seeing the stuff that I wasn't doing. I have learned to focus on me and less on him. No I don't have a perfect marriage, but I think it has gotten better because I am more positive.
Keep coming back.
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
I can relate. I have been married 32 years to a dry drunk. He left last year when our youngest graduated form high school. He was wonderful dad. He didn't stay in his recovery program. He doesn't drink but has added other addictions like computer games. I feel cheated too because he left me with all the work. The resentment causes us to go into our own disease. We have to trust the ones who have gone through this and have found help in Alanon. Have you tried face to face meetings? Do you have any of the Alanon literature? Just remember that you are not alone. And you did not cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it.
Welcome to another family that you have just inherited. We will never desert you or judge you. Your life has just got better and there is so much support here all you have to do is reach out. Luv Leo xxx
After 3 yrs of trying to put on a brave face,to family + friends knowing they dont understand at all,they all have offered ther own advice on what i should or shoulnt do,our sons partener has took it really personal because he never changed when she had our 1st grandson,she threatened i would never see him,so many awful rows,now my a/h doesnt live with me,he is in the salvation army for the homeless ,cos no-one wants him,things have improved between the two of us,but she is still angry ,
Where he is does have its own AA and councillor evey week,so he is getting help if he wants it.
Talking to some-one like yourself who knows exactly how i feel has already helped,
I will use this site the best i can,i am very new to computers too,but good job i am i woulnt have found so many wonderful new friends,
I am trying so hard to go around this site ,i am new to computers too ,so it just takes me longer,just finding a wonderful new set of friends who understand completely,has inspired me a great deal,for the last 3yrs i have had to explain my actions,to all who just called me a idiot for letting him upset me so much,
my a/h is now living in a salvation army for the homeless because he has lost his trust with the very small family we are,it has its own AA and has councilling once a week starting tomorrow,
My son and daughter,who carnt believe this has happened,try to support the two of us in different ways,but or daughter lives in australia,so can only imagine what has gone on here,my poor son has to be strong ,and also try and look after his new family.
His partener has took this very personal giving me a very hard time,saying i would never see my new grandson,i do see him now my a/h is not here,but i know i dont have to tell you about feeling ashamed .
Many Many Thanx for your lovely letter,its so good to talk to my new friends so open about feelings and stuff without feeling shame ,like yourself it takes alot to finally break free from the person who has hurt you the most,i am doing my best to get help from this wonderful site but as im new to computers too ,it will take time.
my a/h now lives in a salvation army for the homeless,as we are a very small family,they would not take him in ,here he does have to attend AA every week plus see a councilor once a week,as he has only been there for 2 wks its early days for him.
As for me ,i too am starting to feel really low, wondering how i will keep our finaces afloat,i keep on telling myself ,this must be better than the hell i had before,
It feels great to have found all these wonderful people who know exactly how i feel,trying to explain my feelings for 3 yrs to people i know just didnt understand how i felt ,shame .they all try and offer thier advise,some just call you a idiot,why do you let him treet you like that,but like yourself you always try and save your marriage,you sound if you have found a way of still being together,maybe if i have found the right help 3 yrs ago who knows,
My a/h now lives in a salvation army for the homeless because being a little family and them seeing what he did to me no-one wanted him.
He rings me up all the time telling me hes sorry and knowing hes messed up,but here they do have to attend AA every week ,plus councilling every week so he is in good hands .
Having some-one tell you they love you ,and yet can tear you to pieces is to say the least very confusing.
Thank you for your lovely letter,i am so glad i stumbled on this wonderful site,its so good to talk to people who know exactly how you feel,you have sure had alot of worry over the years,you know 30 odd years of marriage is a long time,and im sure it was mostly down to your hard work,this is a hard thing to do , you have to make such a big choice to put up with the drunken abuse,the endless rows ,with him and friends and family who think your nuts,or go it alone and try to keep the house and bills afloat,
Ihope you have truly great kids like ours,1 son 1 daughter,my poor son has had to cope with this all on his own,as our daughter lives in australia,she can only imagine whats happened here ,he has seen it first hand,but they offer thier support to the two of us in a different way of course.
myA/h lives in a salvation army for the homeless ,been there 2 wks,as he had no where to go when i threw him out,he has to attend AA once a week plus has concilling once a week,rings me up all the time and tells me he loves me,do you still stay in contact with your ex.
Hi Ollie. Here's some happy news...you have come to the right place! We are all rooting for you, sharing our experiences, strength and hope, and understanding your plight. Come as often as you can; join in the meetings here. They will help. Attend AlAnon in your area. You will make it. Stand tall except when you are leaning on your HP. It's a tough road...no doubt about that...but you'll learn how to handle it with serenity and dignity.
Wishing you all the best, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
