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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Daily rollercoaster
Post Info TOPIC: Daily rollercoaster
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Daily rollercoaster
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When I met my husband we were both 29 and he had just lost his dl b/c of 3 DUI's. I met him at a church singles group & he seemed to have turned his life around.  I drove on all of our dates and when we married I drove when we left the wedding.  He was recovering (or I guess I thought) and adopted my daughter and raised her in church.  And became an ordained deacon.  We are now married 12 years and last year he started drinking.  I did all the wrong things (I now know) like threatening, begging, reminding, shaming, drinking (wine) WITH him...  Memorial Day weekend I came home from work on Sat a little after 3 and he was in the driveway staggering and swaying.  I was livid and just turned away and went in the house.  He got into his truck & left.  Drinking & driving, I could not believe it.  At 11:00 that night he was not home (highly unusual) and I called him & he was in a neighboring city 50 miles away, drunk out of his mind.  I knew I wasnt going to live like that and called my parents and they took me to their home.  Our (married) daughter, who never knew he drank til then, drove by our house & saw that he made it home safely.  I went home briefly to get clothes and he never "came to".  That night or early the next a.m. @ 3 my phone rang...it was him and he had gone out driving AGAIN but this time got put in jail.  I did not return home until 3 nights later and then told him he could either call a realtor or AA.  He went to AA the very next night and has been going each night but one.  He seems to be growing and healing, etc.  But I dont know if it's b/c he is about to lose everything (including maybe his job of 23 years) or what.  I really want to focus on myself and healing ME and learning everything there is learn about recovery.  Sometimes I am so angry then others I am depressed & weepy.  I have lost all respect for him even though I badly want him to get better.  I shake almost all the time and can hardly eat.  He says he does not want to lose me and will do anything to keep me.  I am happy I found this forum...if nothing else it helps just to type it all out and read posts from others who are like me.

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kismetstrand


~*Service Worker*~

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Welcome to our MIP family ((((((Reetry))))).  Completely understand your weepy/angry feelings.  I encourage you to find some local Al-Anon meetings (we call those "ftf's" here, "face to face").  We also have online meetings twice a day in the chat room.  Glad he is attending AA meetings (for whatever reason - at least if he is going, what is said there just might absorb into his mind, right?)  Time to focus on you and your own "recovery" now, for yes, we sure need it also.  Not being able to eat or sleep is not good for your own health and emotions, so I encourage you to do some self-care in those areas - that is a part of our focusing on ourself.  When we are run down, it is hard to effectively do anything.  Part of my own self-care is coming here and talking with others who understand what I go thru and who can share how they take care of themselves.  I had a lot of those angry/weepy feelings when I first started and I vented a whole lot here in chat - had to get all those "poison" feelings out before I could begin to "heal" and make changes towards being a healthier, happier person.  Am so thankful I found Al-Anon, and so glad you have too!!  Keep coming back!


Luv, Kis



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Let your light shine in the darkness.
"I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
nycbt


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 810
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World Service Organization Website –


WWW.al-anon.alateen.org


Phone number is 1-888-425-2666


Alanon meetings 800-351-9996


Alanon literature Worldwide 888-425-2666


Alanon meeting info. 800-433-7266 AA info.


Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html 


Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.



  • Go face to face meeting & online meeting.

  • post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

·        Set support system.  people do not judge. You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.



  • Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.


 


Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.



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Hey everyone watch me grow. I go thru good & bad times. each day i am getting stronger.
canadianguy


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 2962
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Welcome to MIP....


You sound like you have done an awesome job of clearly laying out expectations for your A's recovery, and he sounds like he is (at least) trying to recover..... That is all good.  Now is the time for you to spend at least as much time and effort on YOUR recovery and needs, and to put yourself as #1 on the priority list for a change.  For most of this, it is a hard thing to do, but it is typically fairly easy to see the harm that alcoholism has done to the A..... what isn't as easy is being able to see how much harm the alcoholism has done to us.


Take care of you


Tom



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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

"What you think of me is none of my business"

"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"

 

 

 

 
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Member

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Posts: 8
Date:
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Thank you, thank you!  What encouragement!  I've already learned so much...I have to put it into action.  It is sooooooo nice to talk to people who KNOW... my family tries but they cannot possibly understand.  His mother is very critical and judgemental. Upon learning that he was attending AA she told him to be careful since "they are nothing but bunch of tree huggers".  haha you just have to laugh....

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