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Its been a bumpy couple of days. We lost our child care funding this week and I've been visiting and calling schools looking for the right daycare. Meanwhile, everyone is sick at my house either with a cold or a stomach bug. My A's been home from work for three days and of course without work or meetings to keep his focus on him he focus's on me and is just plain miserable. When he's sick I take care of him, when I'm sick forget it no sympathy... I'm not allowed to be sick I guess. ( just a vent there)
My A wants me to seek recovery and counseling and make the changes in my life just like he's doing in his life and at his pace. I'm not comfortable going at warp speed... I feel like my work in Alanon is beneficial and its paying off. I'll go back to counseling when I'm ready. He thinks that all my statements I made the other night about getting back into my life was BS because I'm not doing things the way he wants me too. Boy that sounds familiar to me because I get upset when I don't see him working program like I want him to. It was a prime example to me that I'm powerless over his recovery just like I'm powerless over his drinking. Today I feel that I'm ready to release him and his ex-girlfriend/mistress whoever she was because I need some peace. I don't feel his love his genuine for me, he does not express it to me the way I'd like him too. There are ways he does express it and I guess I can take that for what its worth. I can't be afraid of him leaving and at some point if he's playing me along telling me what I want to hear but showing nothing about getting serious in recovery or showing me how much he says he loves me, I will cross that bridge when I get to it. He's home with the kids today and he's frustrated because I'm sick and don't feel like taking more time off from work to have lunch. I don't want to spend the extra money either. So he hangs up on me. So much for "if u get sick honey I'll take care of you and be sweet to you". What a laugh!! I'm figuring out what I need from him to feel loved, if he can't give me that I'm trying to be o.k. with giving it to myself and still feeling satisfied. I have such expectations of what I want my relationship to look like. I want a fairy tale... the reality is not as charming and I struggle with this reality.
ODAT~
Twinmom
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Having just gone through the whole household being sick a few weeks ago, I understand how you are feeling. And it is not just you who are not allowed to be sick, I think it is all wives and mothers. lol. How frustrating that can be. It took me 3x's the amount of time to get better because I had to continuously be taking care of the kids illnesses and not have any time to rest or recuoperate to get myself better.
I hope that you feel much better soon and find some time to just relax and take care of YOU.
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Faith makes things possible; it does not make them easy.
I certainly hope you and the whole family get to feeling better. That is certainly miserable.
It is sad that at times they simply can't give us the love that even they may feel. My AW often says lately that she just doesn't "feel the love". I try my best to let her see into my heart. But many times she is talking about passion, and I have no romantic passion for this disease. When that's all I can see... I am sure she can tell that.
I love her very much. Seems this is such a catch 22.
"...I want a fairy tail..."
You know, I don't think that's all bad. You have a picture in your mind of what you would like your life to be some day. Maybe that is just a very long term goal. When I start thinking I need the fairy tail or I will lose my mind, is when I get in trouble.
What person in their right mind wouldn't like things to be normal and peaceful. Don't feel guilty for wanting normalcy in your life. You deserve that! You may just have to get to it a little differently than most. Guess we all do.
Take care of you and know we care!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
We all miss the A we had before all this happened. I have a newly sober hubby (again) and I know he loves me. But as our wise Abbyal has posted here, I have to stay out of his recovery. I must work on mine. That's hard. Because I don't want him to fall again. If he does he will die. There is no sugar coating this. That's why I think it's best for him to recover elsewhere for now.
I'm one of those people when I get sick I want to be left alone. Today I'm a bit under-the-weather so I'm just taking it easy today. Hubby got out of the hospital yesterday and is still a bit weak, but needs to come over and get his paperwork. He said we can talk. But I'm not up for a heavy discussion. He's not at his best, and neither am I. So we'll keep it light. I am glad that he is with his roomate from rehab.
I will tell you this, when you make certain decisions about your life, there is a great release. It's like someone (HP?) taking the burden off of you shoulders. When I set the boundry about him staying sober for at least 90 days, it was hard but at the same time it was easy if that makes sense. I had no trouble telling him to pack his bags when he was drinking heavily 3 weeks ago. I was releaved that he wasn't in the house, and I didn't have to be afraid to come home. The point is, you know when you are making the right decisions because that release you feel is the burden being lifted. It has to be HP saying that's what you are suppose to do. Keep that feeling, and if you ever falter just remember the moment you made that decision and how it felt. It keeps you on track.
Remember to be extra good to yourself. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong,
Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
When my kids were young, my mom sent me a cartoon about the mother never getting sick or no one believing that the mother was sick. Hang in there. You have alot on your plate with sickness and working and an A on top of that. I always told my A that when I needed him the most he was never there. I have heard them say in Alanon that you honor someone by letting them suffer the consequences of working or not working their program. It is between them and their HP. I have to work at not asking why my A isn't in a program any more.
I have had a Pollyanna view of what marriage should be and how I should be treated and what would just be nice. My AH moved out and I am soooo far away from my fantasy. I think that I made him what I wanted him to be but he added to that in telling me how he was going to try and do all those things. One of his most consistent lines is that "I am a nice guy" which haviing walked out on a marriage is so far from that statement.
As for therapy and counseling, you go when you are ready. Some days I think that I really need help. My realization is that for me going to Alanon meetings, reading the literature, and posting on this board are therapy for me.
so I'm just taking it easy today. Hubby got out of the hospital yesterday and is still a bit weak, but needs to come over and get his paperwork. He said we can talk. But I'm not up for a heavy discussion. He's not at his best, and neither am I. So we'll keep it light. I am glad that he is with his roomate from rehab. 
Love and blessings to you and your family.