Ok, so many of you have probably heard the song Butterfly Kisses, right? Well I felt like I needed to cry tonight so I put it on. I don't know where all the hurt came from, but it just like poured out. It was actually kinda scary, I wasn't expecting it at all. While I was crying I had an idea to write down everything running through my head. I wrote this letter to my father:

I miss you, why did you have to be like this? I just want a dad, is that so much to ask? I want you to walk me down the aisle and give me away, not watch the tape in your jail cell. This isn’t fair to me, or any of your other kids. Ari has to go through this when she gets older too, and that kills me. I want you to be at my graduation, my sweet sixteen, and take me off to college. This is so wrong, I want a dad! I hate you for doing this, and I want to be rid of you. But I can’t. I just can’t get rid of you, I love you too much. And that’s so hard for me to admit because I’m so mad at you for hurting me like this. Why can’t you just stop it? Just stop. That’s all I want. I’d give up anything for you to be ok. You’re gonna miss so much with me and the rest of your kids. Do you not realize that? I wanna be daddy’s little girl, but I can’t because there is no daddy, just a biological father. I want my daughter to have a grandpa that loves her and her mom not his drugs. I don’t understand why the kids and I have to go through this just because you can’t keep yourself in line. I’ve gone through more than you did when you were my age, and I’m dealing better. I haven’t turned to drugs, alcohol, or bad people. I’m still getting good grades and I have a ton of friends.

That's just as far as I got the other night, and it's a little rough, but it's just what I was thinking, so I thought I would post it. Thanks for taking the time to read it.

Mira