The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Here we go again with my AH. He has been off of work the last 2 weeks (in between jobs) and I get to come home to his slurring, stumbling, and sulking. The last two days I was on the road for my job for nine hours (3 on Monday and the rest yesterday). Anyway, I've been noticing he's been steadily getting more drunk when I come home from work. He's always drunk on the weekends; that's pretty much a given.
Yesterday, I was worn out and when I got home I just wanted to relax. He did some annoying things that I thought were inconsiderate of him since I have been the one working (two jobs even) while he's been sitting around the house drinking. We have no A/C in our house right now. It's not working and he won't do anything to fix it or let me call someone. It was HOT yesterday when I got home. I just needed to relax in the only cool room in our house, but he was in there playing his video game (which he had all day to do). This was one of many minor annoying things that lead to bigger things though.
I went to a different room then because I can't stand to watch him play. He followed me like I knew he would do. Then the badgering starts because I'm not in the same room, spending time with my husband. I attempted to just say I was tired and didn't want to watch him play a game. Then someone we start talking about money. The mortgage is due and I wanted to send it out. He said he didn't have his half, because he needed to pay back a friend. I understand paying a friend back money, but this can wait. I think our mortgage is more important. I don't want to get behind because we will never get caught up. His friend won't lose his house if AH doesn't pay him right away. Then I started getting annoyed with him and asked him if he was drunk. Denies it. I asked him why he was slurring and stumbling when he tried to walk. Said he wasn't doing that. Then I refused to argue anymore and went to another room. The sulking started.
I went to bed and he followed me in there and wanted sex! After two longs days on the road, sex with a drunk is not appealing. I know there are those who have worse problems than me, but this is hard for me. I had a horrible childhood and scraped my way to where I'm at now, only to have a drunk trying to bring me back down. Thanks for listening.
i too, had to FIGHT my way into what little ihave and had an EX screw it up for me, than another EX...
i had to STOP relationships till i could work on my defects as to WHY i keep marrying/ being with these losers, who are NOT in active recovery....and i'll tell ya, i'll be ALONE b4 i get with another drinker or user......give me an "alanoner---codie---acoa" ANY time who is caring about themselves enuf to work their program and love themselves so they can love ME>.........
i hear ya about the sex.....i just didn't do it......i mean its MY body and i have a RIGHT to give it when i want to........who wants to make love w/someone who isn't even working?? not even nice??? and not sober???? my 2nd husband was EXACTLY like what ur describing....and i dumped him......even tho i was not in 12steps YET, i knew i didn't want him for the rest of my life......so i bailed.......glad i did!!!
today i am alone, yes, it sucks a lot of times, but when i get too angry about being alone, i just think of all those days/ weeks/ months/ years i spent on the "alkies -druggies" and i say "yep, i am ok to be alone"
i can come home from work and NOT be badgered....NOT be insulted.....NOT look at some lazy assed guy playing games while i work my butt off........NOT AGAIN.....this time??? my money is for me and my pets......i do what i WANT with my money, things, etc....
sure i would love tohave a healthy mate, but is there any such animal??? i keep hopin, i mean if i am here, someone else has to be doing the same thing for him that i am doing for me
in the meantime, i am taking care of me...i take me out to dinner/ movies/ tennis/ what i need/ want to do and its ok now to do stuff alone, i am not insulted or abused
i am not telling u to dump the guy, that is YOUR call, i am just going down "memory road" when i saw ur post.....
the bottom line is U taking care of U......and let him fall on his butt if that is what it will take...when the pain gets bad enuf for him, maybe he will get into recovery....but i know for me?? i had to stop enabling my A.....and i did.....but like i said, i ended up "walking" peace/ rosie
((((HUGS))))) I can relate some what. I am a recovering A but hubby still drinking. We split up almost 5 years ago when I got sober. Last year he wanted me back and I believed all his bull about things changing. Duh - they didnt. Now I am TRAPPED. He works but gives me NO $$$. I have no place to go and am so FEDDUP with his crap.
An the wanting SEX - FORGET IT BUDDY !!!!!! I know how u feel. Sometimes my As stupidity really cracks me up. He hides his drink in the drawer when I come into office (where he lives basically ) With 8 - 10 empty 40 oz bottles laying around - Im not supposed to know that hes drinking or how much - LMAO. They think we are so stupid or dumb !!!!! OMG
Anyway Lindy, keep coming here and remember One Day at a Time or One SECOND at a time.
Take care of yourself hon.
Yours in Recovery
Kathy570
PS. Mine bounces off walls yet says hes not drunk !!! LOL
(((lindy))) I am so sorry for all that you are going through. But I have to tell (and I hope I don't make you mad) but you made me laugh. I sorry but it was your comment:
"I went to bed and he followed me in there and wanted sex! After two longs days on the road, sex with a drunk is not appealing."
It just made me laugh b/c I go through that crap too! My AH hasn't work most of the last 6 months and when I drag my tired butt in the house in the evenings, he is all over me like stink on poo! (to put it politely). Last night I broke out into a hysterical laugh that I couldn't control. I was laying on the couch, trying to relax & de-stress. My 3 year old daughter was playing in the floor w/her toys. My AH was in his recliner. The next thing I know, my AH was crawling in behind me on the couch and my daughter was getting jealous so she was trying to squeeze in on the front of me. He was groping me all over (AS IF BEING PAWED IS SUPPOSED TO FEEL GOOD) and she is whining b/c she wants my attn. And I am just like - GEEZ PEOPLE CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE FOR 5 MINUTES? It was so ridiculous. Then my AH starts talking dirty to me trying to get me to go upstairs for sex. I didn't want it. I didn't want it the night before either. But he is determined to do it EVERY NIGHT and sometimes in the mornings too. He says he wants to help me relax! PAALEEEZZEE! And as far as the mornings go...he says he wants to send me off to work feeling good so I will have a better day!!! I tell what will do that. An extra 20 min of sleep vs. sex....and him getting ready to leave for work w/me. Yea - him working would do a world of good for my mood.!!! LOL
And our A/C has been broken too and boy oh boy to I get in a foul mood when I am hot. He got the upstairs unit fixed after I suffered a day w/allergies from sleeping w/the windows open that was so bad I couldn't stay at work and I pitched holy heck w/him. But he is still working or goofing off (depends on how you look at it) with the downstairs unit.
And he sits around playing video games and watching tv all day too. It makes me sooo mad!
So I am right there w/you girl! You are not alone. Keep coming back here...posting & releasing. We are here for you!
