When I first heard this slogan I thought it was ridiculous.  Why do I have to do anything?  It's the alcoholic who wrecked our marriage, gave me abuse, lying, and drove while drunk.  This seemed backwards.  But as I moved through recovery, it came to make sense to me.  What does blame, anger, rejection, etc., do to help me?  Nothing.  So I began to choose behavior that showed respect, kindness, and compassion, when dealing with my alcoholic.  Understand this took years on my part to understand this slogan, to let go and let God, and to treat others the way I want to be treated.  Last week my spouse had a difficult situation at work, and blamed it on the character defect of lying. I handled it in a good way.  I'm not perfect with it, but progress not perfection.