Tad,

My heart goes out to you and your son.  I am so sorry for your loss.  I don't know of any books or readings.  Just wanted to let you know I care.

MFran

Sorry to hear of your loss Toni...

As for your son, if he is working his program and making healthy choices such as AlaTeen, I would suggest that you practice "let go and let God", as I am sure he is grieving in his own way, and will 'let it out' when he needs to....

Take care

Tom

My mother died last year. Due her choice not to see a doctor, she was an alcoholic. I know i had to get past the anger before i cryed over her death. It was hard to take very much this helped me a little i hope it might help. MY kids are in bereavement counseling right now for her death and i showed this to them last year.

 

 

Letter From Heaven

 

To my dearest family and friends, some things I'd like to say But first of all, to let you know that i arrived okay.  I'm writing this from heaven.  Here i dwell with God above here there's no more tears of sadness, Here is just eternal love.   Please do not be unhappy just because im out of sight Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night.  That day that i had to leave you when my life on earth was through, God picked me up and hugged me and he said "I welcome you."  It's good to have you back again, you were missed while you were gone.   As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on.  I need you here badly, you were part of a plan.  There's so much that we have to do to help our mortal man.   God gave me a list of things that he wished for me to do.  And foremost on the list was to watch and care for you.  And when you lie in bed at night the days chores put to flight.  God and I are closest to you... in the middle of the night .  When you think of my life on earth and all those loving years because you are only human they are bound to bring you tears.  But do not be afraid to cry, it does relieve the pain.  Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.  I wish that i could tell you all that God has planned If I were to tell you, you wouldnt understand.  But one thing is certain, though my life on earth is over, I am closer to you now than i ever was before.  There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb, But together we can do it by taking one day at a  time. It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too that as you give onto this world the world will give onto you.  If you can help somebody who is in sorrow and pain  Then you can say to God at night... My day was not in vain.  And now i am contented ...that my life was worthwhile knowing as i passed along the way, i made somebody smile.  So if you meet somebody that is sad and feeling low . Just lend a hand to pick him up as your way you go.  When you're walking down the street and you've got me on your mind I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind. When it is time for you to go...for that body to be free.  Remember your not going... your coming here to me

 

 

-- Edited by kerry5 at 07:41, 2006-06-06

((((Toni)))))

I am so very sorry for your family's loss.  I lost my husband, also an alcoholic, in October of last year.  I absolutely understand how you ache for your son during this time. My daughter was 14, my step daughter 12, when their dad died and I would have done anything to take away their pain, their anger, their longing for what could not ever be.  The quiet time after the inital loss (after the funeral, the flowers, the sympathy cards and the many visits) was the hardest for me.  When we were just us at home without him, I felt like I had to "do" something to make it easier on my girls.  The frustration that I felt then (and still feel at times) is like nothing I've ever experienced in my life, because it finally settled on my soul that I had to do my own grieving and let them grieve in their own ways.  I could not do anything to magically make the process easier, for any of us.  On the advice of my pastor, I began grief counseling.  My daughter chose to be a part of the counseling, my step daughter did not.  I've learned in the past few months that grief is a process.  There are stages of grief.  I can't tell you what form your grief, or your son's will take, any better than I can predict how all of this will affect my girls.  But I can share with you some of the things that have helped me keep one foot in front of the other in the worst times.  When I hurt, I withdraw.  A very good friend here told me within 3 days of my Robert's death "don't isolate yourself".  For some reason, her words stayed with me.  When I started to shut myself off, I literally made myself drag to a meeting.  Many of my friends and family were confused when I kept attending Al-anon.  I guess in their minds, the alcholic was gone so the problem was gone.  I cannot even begin to tell you how much this program has been a lifeline to me.  There are people here that understand.  While they may not have lost an alcoholic to death, many many people here have lost their relationships to this *($&@)*# disease.  I am so blessed to be able to "talk things out" with my al-anon family (both here and face to face).  The grief counseling also has been invaluable.  If your community has a grief support group that is geared for teens/children, your son could have a safe place to start healing.  That old al-anon saying, "feel, deal, and heal" applies a lot in our situations.  Those feelings have to be felt and dealt with.  I hate that some days, but it's true.  We share our experience, strength and hope here with one another.  I've told you my experience and some places where I've been able to draw strength.  Now for the hope part:  I can't tell you that in X number of days, weeks or months that the intense horrible pain that you're feeling now is going to be bearable.  But I can tell you that it will get better as you move through the stages and process your grief.  I wish I could be there to give you a real hug, but I can do the next best thing and tell you that I love you and that you and your beautiful son will be in my prayers.  Please feel free to PM me anytime if you need to talk.

Love,

Regina

Check to see if there is a hospice in your area that offers grief counseling. Hospice is there for you.

((((( Toni )))))

So sorry for your family’s loss

I am sure this all so new to fully process, please go easy on you.

Recently I reached out to my child’s Student Assistance Counselor (also known as a Crisis Counselor) A CC may be better equipped than a Guidance Counselor for such a case. I actually went to the High School and spoke to her directly, she had additional information for alateen meetings at her fingertips and gave me a reference for an Addiction Family Psychologist who specializes with children/families where substance abuse is a primary factor in addition to the alateen meetings my child already attends (child’s father, my ex is an alcoholic) Perhaps if your son’s school has not yet reached out to you regarding the loss of his father you may call the Crisis Counselor, inform them of the current situation and all of your concerns. That is what they are there for. Maybe the two group leaders you spoke of would know more on this if you feel it is needed. I have a friend whose wife overdosed on alcohol, the Crisis Counselor would speak to his daughter discretely in school, after awhile the CC would just check up on her, to let her know she was there for additional support.

Not sure if I am sharing anything you aren’t already aware of.

I am glad you are reaching out and shared here  Please keep coming back. There’s online meetings and open chat –which I find very helpful during sleepless nights. The link is on top of this message board page. Wonderful that you have your al-anon family for additional support.
care, tea2

Dear Tad,

My deepest sympathy on your loss.

You received several good suggestions here for your son, and I can only add that you just be there for him.   We each grieve in our own way and for our own length of time.  I am so glad your concern is for him so you can be available and aware of when he needs to talk or let it out.

Peewee