The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Been out of town for our aniversery and it started off miserably. All last week, my AW said she didn't want to go, didn't like the place I picked, wanted me to take the kids and she would stay home.... on and on. The disease at it's best.
Well, we settled on the kids would come and it would be a family thing. That's cool with me, as it was something they would like too. Last minute my oldest and his fiance couldn't go, they asked the little guy if he wanted to stay with them and he did. So here we go, just the 2 of us for a romantic weekend ... LOL.
Friday I packed up things and got stuff ready as she mostly avoided me and pouted and the 2.5 hour drive was mostly driving in silence. I tried a few times to drag out some small talk, but when I saw that wasn't happening, I just stopped.
We got there checked in, went to get food, but she wasn't interested in eating. I offered to just settle up with the cabin folks and just go home. I wasn't upset, just didn't see the need in torturing her and told her that. Said we could do it another time.
She said no way, but her reason was "... I don't want to have to explane to the kids why we didn't stay..." I am sure that's true. She pretty much drank herself to sleep.
I couldn't stop myself from sitting on the porch and marveling at the clarity of the stars. It was unreal! The moon was only a half moon, but I could read outside it was so bright. With all that was going on all I could think of was how cool this place is.
The worst it got to me is for a little while I thought how sad it was that she couldn't enjoy this. She's missing it!
Woke up the next morning and she is rearing to go.... Didn't look a gift horse in the mouth and had a great couple of days.
You guys have really helped me see that I have everything to do with how I feel about stuff. Even just a couple of weeks ago, I would have gone to bed crushed that she was not joining in on the fun. Worse than that, I wouldn't have allowed myself to see the beauty of this place.
Some days I can do it and some days I can't. You guys have helped me have more days that I can, and I thank you!
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
It is encouraging to know that it is possible to separate yourself from the As actions and enjoy life. Thank you for sharing your story. I am new to Al-Anon and am still unsure if I could ever be able to control my feelings as well as you. I always seem to get angry and hurt that he is preventing me from experiencing a truly happy life, which is my goal. At this point, I think I might be happier being alone for the rest of my life. Do you have any advice on how to overcome resentment? I suppose if I put myself in the situation of being with him, the only person I have to resent is myself.
I am glad that my post offers some hope for you. That is truly what the sight is about. Offering up Experience, Strength and Hope. I am far from qualified to offer any advise. As a matter of fact a couple of weeks ago, I would have considered a good weekend an absolute fairy tale.
I came here to figure out how to live with this nut case... whom I love very much. Low and behold the nut case is me... LOL
This is a family disease and weather you plan to continue your relationship with him or not you will benefit greatly from the program. "It works if you work it!"
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
When I read your post, I was so happy for you that you were able to sit and relax and enjoy the beauty of the stars and the moon. It is sad that she couldn't share it with you. It reminded me of this poem by William Cullen Bryan so I looked it up...
William Cullen Bryant from Hymn to the North Star
The sad and solemn night hath yet her multitude of cheerful fires;
The glorious host of light walk the dark hemisphere till she retires
All through her silent watches, gliding slow
Her constellations come, and climb the heavens, and go.
I find great comfort in the stars and the moon. I always have. I can remember being just a little girl and looking up at the sky and the stars wondering who else was looking at the same star I was looking at. Then later in my teens, I wondered if my husband-to-be was looking at the big dipper when I was. Needless to say, I was a strange child.
They are the only constant sometimes. I know that something is forever.
Loved this post and the tangible description of serenity you offered!
Although it's still difficult for me to see this point all the time, I do believe that serenity is AlWAYS available, we just have to tune into it. It's like a TV channel (LOL), it never goes away, I just have to turn the channel and focus on MY MOVIE not the "A-ism" movie on Channel 22. LOL.
Your posts are so inspiring! Keep up the good work.
I think its awesome that you were able to soak up the beauty of your surroundings regardless of the A's attitude. You are right we hold the power to change our attitudes towards the situation and relax for ourselves. I have had plenty of tests in that the past couple of weeks. Thanks for the encouraging post.
Hugs,
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
