Alcoholic - Al-Anon Family Group

brownie · Member

Alcoholic

seachange · Senior Member

Hi Brownie! And welcome here! You're in the right place to share these feelings, and I hope you'll keep reading and posting. There are many of us here who understand your pain and confusion.

Alcoholism is such a cunning, baffling and powerful disease, and one of the most difficult things about it is the need for them to lie, and make you look like the villain. It's a ploy to keep the focus off the drinking, if you allow them to get you mad and fight about all sorts of things.

Another really difficult thing to handle is their denial that they've been drinking, or that they have any kind of problem with alcohol..

What I have had to learn, and Al-Anon helps so well with, is to detach from the A and put the focus on myself and my own life. This doesn't necessarily mean leaving the A. It means claiming a good life for yourself whilst learning to let go of the idea of being able to fix them, or get them to stop drinking. You can drive yourself crazy trying to do that impossible thing! I very nearly did, in my case.

But thanks to working the program and getting help for me, a great many things have changed for the better in my life.

Find a face-to-face meeting in your area, and get yourself some of the literature that will help you understand and cope with what you are currently dealing with. Work the steps, and get a sponsor to help you with that.

Lots of people on this forum will have experience, strength and hope to share with you!

Good luck, and keep coming back!

~Seachange

-- Edited by seachange at 10:38, 2006-06-05

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Brownie..

Your A may very well be drinking, but it is also possible his liver may not be processing some meds correctly.
A blood panel (simple blood test), ordered by his Dr tells what levels (if any) are too high or low.
My A had serious problems that affected his cognitive function and balance. Once due to ammonia levels and another time phosphorus.

just a thought..

Christy

brownie · Member

Thanks for the advice. At the moment the reason why he has stopped drinking is that he need an op on his heart. His Liver and Kidneys are fine but he has damaged his heart. I keep telling him he has done well. He has to look forward to this op they are going to stop and start his heart to make it work better. He has every thing to live for. My Dad says he will stop coming to the house now because he is like this. We are due to go to Blackpool for 5 days in August mum & dad don't want to go now and this is all paid for. Last time we went and Paul was drinking he was drunk from getting there to coming home and it spoiled it. It just makes you wonder why bother. I Love him just don't like the person he's turned into at the moment. This is just making me poorly. Not eating, sleeping etc. Don't know what to do. I have told his support worker all this. She wants to make an appointment to see him at the clinic. All he says is will she come to him. He has all the time in the world and a free bus pass. Wish I had. I have to work 5 days a week to pay bills and mortgage.

Thanks for letting me rant on. It makes you feel better when you can let it all out. Have tried to get Paul to go to AA meeting. He could have gone today I told him yesterday where it was. When he rang today at work and was bored I said why didn't you go to that meeting. He just said I never told him.

Rita G · ~*Service Worker*~

Brownie,

Welcome to our fellowship - I, like Seachange, to suggest, you find a face to face Al-Anon meeting, literature, and ways to take care of you. Especially, HALT - Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired - take care of you -

Keeping coming back -

Rita

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Hellow Brownie , when a A quits drinking they don't have a clue what to do withthem selves, as before any spare time was used to drink, my husb was nuts the first few weeks of sobriety , and yur right it's not up to u to give him a life he ill have to figure that our for himself.

Your partener could be drinking or just exhibiting the same behavior it's a chemical thing that happens often in recoverying A's nothing changes except thaty are not drinking . Patience and understanding witll get u through this rough time . Easy does it . Louise

brownie · Member

Up date.
Last night has said do you fancy an early night. He was fine so I said yes. Half an hour later he was like a Zombie. Arguing and being hurtful. Said I don't care anymore. I asked him what he was doing to himself he said nothing. How can he just change like that. I have not had much sleep all night. He was talking to himself all night. He got up before I left for work and tried to start arguing again. Now because he is bored during the day he is sleeping. Then at night he is coming alive. He was very much hyper for 4 hours last night. He gets just like a mad man and I don't know what to do anymore. It is just making me ill. He just keep saying why are you picking on me. I don't know what he is trying to achieve. I have basically done everything for him. He lost his first wife and cannot see he could loose me too. HELP

nycbt · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP. You are not alone. There a lot of people who understand.

World Service Organization Website –

WWW.al-anon.alateen.org

Phone number is 1-888-425-2666

Alanon meetings 800-351-9996

Alanon literature Worldwide 888-425-2666

Alanon meeting info. 800-433-7266 AA info.

Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html

Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.

Go face to face meeting & online meeting.
post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

· Set support system. people do not judge. You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.

Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.