The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Been here since Hurricanes Katrina and Rita. That was bad enough to loose everything and have to find anew. Being back in touch with A-dau and A-mom after 10yrs and nothing changed about them. I did alot, thanks to me and HP. That helped me some. I had anticipated and expected it not to be the same. I guess it wasn't hard to not. We are human right ! Jeesh ?!?! This is a bafflingjurne for sure. I've never encountered the depth of rejection and abandonment in this way ever b4. And not just whats left of family, but the system too. My bro has not once said a word to me. My A-mom's youngest and pet puppet, where she has been living last 10 yrs. How anyone can think there is hope in A's is beyond my experience, sorry. I had thought maybe, yea right ! I was even willing to stay here to be around my grankids and get supplemental work. Without some assistance from her, can't even do that. I haven't seen them but a half a dozen times anyway and them seeing how mom treats me won't come near any affection.
So now I finally have an advocate that located an apt based on disability income in NW La and awaiting application to come anyday. Soon as returned and processed I can move away from this isolate place and into a more functional one there. So strange the feelings I am going thru. I am not even sure how to describe them. I am afraid to even try in a way. I am hesitant to even get excited in case this fails too. Almost did once already as NO is needing back all the help they can get. Reading about home is awful. Yesterday I read one about mass depression, survivor guilt, and suicides, and requests for major mental health treatment to come there. How does HP help to endure all this ? I feel so torn. I wanta go home and yet........there is none to go to. I was growing and healing the last 10 yrs being away from family. They didn't acknowledge I existed then much less now. I really feel different now. Can't quite describe some of it yet.
I was so angry and in shock when I first came here and fell on my face. I don't know how to feel a part of. I feel so numb in alot of ways and afraid to feel for the rejection. I don't have a spouse to relate with either. I as so lost. I am hoping going to NW La will somehow help part of it. And there is an offer to help introduce unknown artist into the community. I was working on that b4 I was displaced anyways. I have fear of success to boot. A lifelong jurne for sure. Facing the rest alone with no family there isn't easy. I have done it for 10 yrs and now seems a sure thing in alot of ways.
I've wanted to talk so much yet I'm afraid my lack of social skills will cause me to say things in a wrong way for lack of knowing better and taken on purpose again. I am so nervous to post anymore. Not sure how to ask support in the right ways. And this disaster is a new one for many to even begin to comprehend. To mix both in my life now is still shocking and baffling to deal with.
Well I've rambled on long enough. I'd like to request some prayers that this relocation happen as planned so I can start life again. Its been toooooo long now. Thanks for listening.
-- Edited by d53sjurne at 16:54, 2006-06-04
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I tell myself when times are rough, "this to shall pass!!!" Ask HP for guidance, if the door is open, and I know how to look, I will become aware! I also visit http://www.inspiringthots.net/ . Blessings , Your sister in Recovery
Hi D53, I understand well your fears, and your feelings of rejection by your own family. I just posted too, so maybe you will want to read.
With the new hurricane season underway, and all the hype and warnings on the media, I am half sick with worry about that . You know I have lost a home to a hurricane in the past. Now I realize how lucky I was not to lose people too due to storm. I dwell on how to escape, and nothing has even happened this year.
Now you want to go back to the "scene" because you were happy there. If you want to restore your serenity that you had while living there, well, isn't that your answer? We have to let go of the irritants in our life, and I am not good at it either, but we must. I know you have a creative yearning and ability in you, and I , the scared one, sit here and cheer for you to go for it. !!! Go figure.
D it is perfectly natural for you to feel apprehensive. Even when we are choosing to move to a different house becuz we wanted to, it is a major stress.
This is where surrendering helps. Put it all in hp's hands where it is anyway. This is what I learned to do. Relax, tell yourself everything is ok, you are tired. Let go. Whatever happens it will be ok.
All thru our lives we will be awaiting an answer about something. When I learned to not hold on to it and freak about it, just go on with my life, it made such a difference.
I learned that here, and where it all came from. If we take one day, do what you can, eat, watch tv, clean something, smile, go for a walk, smile at someone, come here, laugh.
When the thing comes that bugs ya, do what you can, tell yourself no matter what it will be ok.
I was afraid I would be homeless, them one day I realized, if I did, I did. I would be ok. It was like a whole weight came off me.
The, I wonder if's are worthless. to me a waste of time.
When I wake up things happen, I deal with it and go on. sometimes not nice things either D.
Sometimes after being so hurt we are tender. I sure know what you mean. It is so hard when family turns on us. I learned family means nothing. People who are loving, caring, forgiving and understanding mean the most to me. Everyone is family. We are all connected.
D, you waited so long to even get to this point, now I see you waiting again. I used to wait. Not anymore. It will happen when it does, and I live my life anyway, laugh anyway, look at the mountains, feel the rain, listen to my puppy barking at the cat.
Be good to you. Miracles will happen. Keeping things simple helps me so much.
hugs lady, hey go fishing. I hope there is a good spot when you do get your new home.
Going on 10 months 
jurne for sure. I've never encountered the depth of rejection and abandonment in this way ever b4. And not just whats left of family, but the system too. My bro has not once said a word to me. My A-mom's youngest and pet puppet, where she has been living last 10 yrs. How anyone can think there is hope in A's is beyond my experience, sorry. I had thought maybe, yea right ! I was even willing to stay here to be around my grankids and get supplemental work. Without some assistance from her, can't even do that. I haven't seen them but a half a dozen times anyway and them seeing how mom treats me won't come near any affection.