Removing A from my life - Al-Anon Family Group

dusk2dawn · Newbie

Removing A from my life

confused · Senior Member

((((dusk2dawn))))

I hope that by removing your A sister from your life you will be able to focus on you. I have recently been separated from my AH, for 6 months, we did have contact but were not living together... what I realized was that this disease is so deep rooted that with or without him in my life, I have still been affected and need to focus on me and my recovery. Without the constant contact, I have been able to do that, to get stronger.

I was listening to an Al-Anon speaker recently and something really hit home with me. I have spent a lot of time trying to understand the alcoholic and find compassion, and I do, I would not want to be faced with his demons anyday...but ... the speaker said something that was a total AHA moment for me..

....the alcoholic can remove the drink and begin recovery...we cannot remove people from our lives... we must learn to live with them in a healthy way...and this is very, very hard...

It is not meant to minimize the struggle of the alcoholic, but it just really made sense to me, I have thought that recovery for the alcoholic was so much more difficult, this made me see that my own recovery is just as difficult, what if the alcoholic had to learn to be healthy and still consume alcohol???? Not going to happen, but we, as Al-Anoners, do have to do that, learn to live a better way of living, while still consuming our "drug of choice", people.

Not sure if that makes any sense, but take what you like and leave the rest...

Lynn

Mimi · Member

Dear Dusk2Dawn,

I am sorry to hear about all the pain with your sister. I think it is so hard when it is a relative who you want to help, but they are bent on destroying their life. I feel you can't go down with them so to speak and you have to take care of yourself. Have you gone to any Alanon meetings? I am new here been coming for about a month. Also have been attending some Alanon meetings. I suspect my 20 year old daughter has issues w/ drugs and alcohol, even though she mainly functions.

I sent you a private message too so when you get a chance, take a look.

All the best to you. Mimi

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

removing A from your life well it sure sounds good .I have learned that I take me with me where ever i go you can divorce them , separate them etc but until comming to terms with this disease ,you cannot remove them . I hope u try Al-Anon meetings f2f for yourself , and learn to detach with l ove from your sisterd disease . This is a disease and our program will show u how to deal with her and still have a relationship but this time with boundaries so that u don't become so emotionally involved . good luck Louise

nycbt · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP. You are not alone. There a lot of people who understand.

World Service Organization Website –

WWW.al-anon.alateen.org

Phone number is 1-888-425-2666

Alanon meetings 800-351-9996

Alanon literature Worldwide 888-425-2666

Alanon meeting info. 800-433-7266 AA info.

Chat room is open 24/7 there here the link to www.mipchat.net or http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html

Here are some things that have helped me since in the program.

Go face to face meeting & online meeting.

post on the board here on the site. I have gotten a lot of good feed back.

· Set support system. people do not judge. You need someone who can go for coffee on a bad day, or pick up a phone and call when in trouble. The support is what is important when you first this program.

Have a sponsor. Someone work one on one with you.

You don’t have to do this the minute u come to the program but I suggest that u do it when u can. It help.

Meeting schedule: meetings are in here and run approximately 90 minutes from: Monday-Friday, 9 am and 9 pm EST, Saturday: 10 am and 9 pm EST, Sunday: 10 am and 7 pm EST. Topics are selected by participants at meeting time. UK +5 hours, central -1 hour, mountain -2 hours, pacific -3 hours. Open chat all other times.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.