The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A called me collect from jail. Told him what was happening with his family. Then he got on how he did not know what he would do when he got out. I replied, "it is totally up to you." He comes back with, "My options are very limited."
I told him we have been together since we were kids, I am your friend. NO more phoney stuff, lies, or using me. I don't mind supporting you in what you decide to do.
I felt cold in away. I told him too, "I put $23 in your account and I didn't even get a thank you from one measlly stamp."
He just went on about not knowing my phone number????? He is not right in the head.
I had to go thru his papers looking for the title to the truck. There was a letter to his,"partner." NOT me. nothing of me in there. no pictures, nothing. It was to his drinking/drugging friend.
Sometimes I wonder if he has a gay relationship with him. He always seemed to be at his best with guys. no matter.
anyway I still have no desire to send him letters or go see him. All I know is I hope he can figure it out, give himself another chance to live.
Going by what I heard, I don't have much faith in it.
Sure can see how just being sober makes no difference. He is just as boring, just as doomsday. Has not changed anything, has not gotten himself on a program. Saying how tough this is and he has no time to think of anything else. me.
I said you have not had time for anything for almost six years now. always have an excuse, went on about how hard it was again and it was different. I said yea you cannot drug your pain away.
Whatever Leo. I just don't feel much hope, feel so bad for him. He is toast. told him it has not been easy for me either to see my husband die in front of me. I don't like him now at all. not at all.
Just moved my chicks huge cage outside my bedroom window. they have two lights and a little house in there, perches and covered with a tarp.
Well I will post one of my days lately. Was a good day. Soon as I can I will get more pics on my site up. Someone gave me a digital camera....
Personally i think A's are normally selfish whether they are using or not. That is really what their program is about if they are not working it in some ways it is as hard to deal with them. I recently had to a whole fourth step around someone who was always telling me she was in the program (AA) and was full of resentment. Needless to say at a certain point she dumped all over me and hurt me badly. Now I know without a shadow of a doubt I would deal with any alcholic with kid gloves if they were not in a program.
I work in a hospital at the moment and I think reading the deaths of those who die from substance abuse is very difficult, the A's do fine until they start having varioceles and stuff. The smokers do fine until their lungs start becoming total fibroids. The issue that denial and subbornness (an under estimate of the kind of "will" an A has) has a lot to do with it. They have tons of red flags about how their lives are going astray. They still keep on doing the same thing.
I am so so blessed to be in al-anon and learn others ways to be. I have learned not to be resentful of the A. He is not going to change till he wants to and it is no reflection on me. I find it a real discipline at times but focusing on me is about the only way to go. I spent years letting it eat me away. What a gift it is to be able to give that up but I certainly would not do it witout the help of al-anon and the other gifts of the program.
