The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Got out 4 books to bring self down from anger level, and here's what showed up:
"I don't have to react instantly to provocation, and I am not obligated to justify myself to anyone."
"Defending ourselves by engaging in arguments with actively drinking or otherwise irrational people is as fruitless as donning armor to protect ourselves from a nuclear explosion. Only a Power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity."
"If I remain constant in my attitude of faith and courage, outer changes do not make me fearful and do not disturb me because I know God is at work ..."
As We Understood, pg 131
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So I came here to type in case anyone else has been lambasted today by some out of control Control Freak. Most of all this is helping me blow off steam. Good stuff, huh.
I too feel the tugs of manipulation from my A (or is he a DA?) This has helped me A LOT!!
This is from The Power of a Praying Woman...
"Submission is something you decide to do, not something someone forces you to do. The meaning of the word submit is to submit yourself. It's a condition of the heart. Having a submitted heart means you are willingn to submit yourself and come into proper alignment in accordance with God's will. Our first priority in submission must always be to submit to God (James 4:7). This means you do not have to submit to the wishes of anyone who asks you to do something that is against God's commands. You can...draw the line when what is being asked of you violates the laws of conscience and the laws of God."
7 good ways to get rid of negative emotions:
1. Refuse to be anxious. Trust God to take care of you. Pray.
2. Refuse to be ruled by anger...it shuts out God.
3. Refuse to be dissatisfied. Remember..."I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Phil. 4:11-13).
4. Refuse to be envious.
5. Refuse to be depressed.
6. Refuse to be bitter. Ask God to crowd out anything in your heart that is not of Him.
7. Refuse to be hopeless. Trust God's promises - ask Him to give you hope for your future and an attitude of gratefulness every day of your life.
I'm not trying to be preachy or anything. I do know that honoring God in thought and deed makes me feel better, helps me make wiser choices, and helps me not miss my A so much knowing that his lifestyle would never bring a grin to God's face.
My anger is on the verge of rage sometimes. I just want to scream. I've done that and it helps. The anger for me is a combination of disappointment (I expected too much), guilt (I had no choice but to leave), and frustration (I do not have control over anyone but myself)...I am working on the anger through writing, praying, and now sharing with you wonderful people.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I didn't know the anger was legitimate. AFter reading some of the posts, I am coming to realize that the anger we feel is the burr in our saddle. It's our motivation to make "us" okay again. It is definitely something I want out of my life. I feel helpless whenever I'm angry. I at least need to be assured that I am in control of me. Despite the challenges, the threats, the ultimatums, the broken promises, the fractured families, the yearning for my dream to come to true. I am not going to allow hurtful people into my life. I am not going to allow myself to become subjected to their ploys, tactics, lies, manipulations. After I think like this, the anger goes away. And when it dares to rear its ugly head, I'll zap it away again and again and again if I have to.
You know what else? I get angry whenever I see my husband all loopy on his pills. He disappoints me repeatedly and he's supposed to be the strong one - the head of the household - the father - the husband - the decisionmaker - the one who knows what to do in a crisis. I was forced to assume all those roles and I resent him for that. I have to realize that he is SSS. And forgive him.
I don't know what creeps into your soul and fuels that heated frustration/anger. I hope you remain strong and healthy, wise and loving, and most of all I hope you can rest your head at night and smile and sleep. AFter 3 months of being separated, I am finally sleeping better. I used to wake up every hour or so, but now I can sleep though the night. It means a lot for you to be able to rest well. I hope you can.
Who is right or wrong? When I am accused of something I didn't do or the thing I did do is misinterpreted by a third person, a person who seems bent on accusing others of misbehavior, who may be paranoid about others, how do I pick myself up, return to a happy state of mind, stop caring what others think of me?
First I wrote a sign for me: "What others think of me is none of my business." This I picked up in mip chat.
Then I tried to focus on what is askew in My life. Fact is, I am almost overwhelmed with big-to-me current issues to solve in my own life. I have no energy for picyune complaints. I wrote 4 signs of two words each, stating my current problems to solve and slapped em on my fridge with the above quote. I can hardly look at those 4 signs, but I do think and think about the quote, hoping it will help me make decisions about my own plans. None of them would be earth shaking to anyone else. I have problems making decisions, period.
I have symbolically slapped around some 2/4's, and then some trout. :) I have read your posts, all so good.
Truth be told, I am trying not to dwell on fixing the other. Thus, from As We Understood...."Sometimes letting go requires loving people enough to let them go and allow them to fall flat on their faces without any interference from you." (See that? not ANY)
I like your idea about posting signs. I put one up on my fridge today: Forgiveness. I have so much anger inside of me like a raging fire and I'm working on forgiving my manipulator, my own control freak. My sis told me a cool thing that has created a sort of vision in my head and helps me. She said when someone throws out false accusations or mean words to you, you have a choice. Think of them throwing a monkey on you and it hops on your shoulders. Now, you can keep the monkey and let it poop all over you and weigh you down, or you can throw it right back at them and walk away.
So, I visualize tossing this monkey around and I feel better for a little while. I have actually said the words, "you cannot make me feel guilty about something you chose to do" or "I am not going to have this conversation that goes nowhere and is ridiculous." It helps some.
You sound very frustrated and I know the feeling. I think reinforcing yourself with positives is a great idea. But sometimes, we all get bogged down and weaken and cave. I've done it repeatedly for decades. I am just learning to validate my own self and my own feelings. I value me and respect myself. Words are so cruel and so damaging. It is difficult to heal after being punctured punctured punctured.
Who is right or wrong? When I am accused of something I didn't do or the thing I did do is misinterpreted by a third person, a person who seems bent on accusing others of misbehavior, who may be paranoid about others, how do I pick myself up, return to a happy state of mind, stop caring what others think of me?
...."Sometimes letting go requires loving people enough to let them go and allow them to fall flat on their faces without any interference from you." (See that? not ANY) Peewee
Dear, Dear, mspeewee,
Jeeesshh !!! I've struggled with this one since as far back as I can remember. Eventually I decided for some of it that we just never could find a way to get on the same page. And I had to quit trying to figure who's right and who's wrong. Who knows, their paranoid delusions may be true to them, doesn't make it true. Used to, I thought of course, it was all me. Learning the program helped that alot. And its so easy to fall back in the trap and let it in again. Sometimes I thought having hope and faith allowed the opening. I thought if I had that, each new encounter would be different. This kept the expectations alive and thriving. At some point I was able at times to give up on them all together and get some peeks in at their not being there, understanding, at all. And the difference it made felt weird at 1st. Then it became a normal feeling. And somewhere I saw the movie with Barbra Striesand called "NUTS". I so related it to a major portion of my family. Her family saw things so different too. At the end she was running thru the streets screaming with joy "You aren't going to make me nuts !!!" as she was freed from the place they tryed to put her in. I so played that tape a many a times. The A's I just don't think can ever be on the same page.
Well, hope something is here for you. Take what you like and leave the rest.
BLESSINGS,COURAGESTRENGTH.............RECOVERY
__________________
I tell myself when times are rough, "this to shall pass!!!" Ask HP for guidance, if the door is open, and I know how to look, I will become aware! I also visit http://www.inspiringthots.net/ . Blessings , Your sister in Recovery
Wow, what a lot of E, S and H in this post and others replies. I agree if this is your way of dealing w/ anger and venting then great for you in the priceless goal of serenity. Thank you for sharing and please keep posting -this has given much to think on (always a good thing w/o needing a trout to slap it into me, hehe) care and wishes, t
just slap him with a trout! 
your posts peewee.
COURAGE
STRENGTH......
.......RECOVERY